Am I Ramona?

So let’s get it out of the way. I watch RHONY (which if you have more highbrow TV taste stands for Real Housewives of New York). Even friends who share my viewing preferences have moved on from this particular show. But I watch. I watch the women behaving badly and sometimes it makes me feel normal, maybe even balanced by comparison. Mostly though, I watch in disbelief that they’re doing and saying these things.

In the latest episode, the “ladies” go to the Berkshires to Heather’s (Yummie founder, perhaps the sanest of the bunch) home. She plans a fun-filled weekend starting with canoeing on the lake. There’s some bitching and moaning about carrying the canoes but eventually they get out on the lake. Some women jump in for a swim but Ramona, the resident wacko, says she doesn’t want to get her hair wet. After a tiff with one of the other cast mates Kristin (wife of EBoost founder who likes to discuss blow jobs. I am not shy but haven't been able to "boost" since) splashes Ramona wetting her hair. Ramona does what “ladies” do and throws a glass (always good to have glass in a canoe) at Kristen splitting her lip.

This was bad and I am not sure why they didn’t remove Ramona from the weekend; however, what ensued later was Ramona making the argument that Kristen ruined her blow dry thus justifying glass throwing. As I watched Ramona make her crazy case with her crazy eyes and poorly salvaged hair I did my usual judging. In my head I thought it was petty and vain and then I realized something bad. I could relate. No, not to the violence but I have definitely passed up opportunities to take a swim or participate in things because of a blow dry or spray tan or whatever primping I was trying to maintain. And I have to say I feel like a loser every time.  

Part of it is being female (for me in a house of males). Although I can get out of the house for work (with makeup) in 10 minutes if need be, it’s not the two minutes my husband can muster. I do not have hair that can dry naturally (the way I like it).  You may recall on our Yellowstone trip I brought a mini flat iron and used it at the campsite, yup.

Whether it’s passing up a beach trip because you don’t feel bathing suit ready (ever) or the hair or the makeup for me it’s sad when we make these decisions, when we choose the "looks" over the experience. So it hit home when a TV lunatic was voicing the same concerns I have. At least I don’t say them out loud. ..

Do you ever make decisions based on looks that may mean sacrificing fun? Do you watch any of these Bravo shows? Do you blow-dry your hair? Will you watch the Bachelorette tonight (new season)?

Five Last Minute Tips to Look Better in a Bathing Suit

Jada may love Will she loves Jada more.

As I mentioned in the water post, Marc and I were away, in Turks and Caicos, for a few days.  I could tell you about the sailing we did (I was reading Gone Girl which I wouldn’t suggest for a romantic getaway) or how excited I was that the local restaurant we went to noted gluten free on the menu or even the best crab salad I’ve ever had.

I would choose this over a bikini any day

However, two other things continue to stand out in my mind. On our first afternoon at the beach, just after we arrived, I saw an Italian family standing by the water. You couldn’t help but notice them. First the mother (50ish) was taking photos of her two 20-something daughters. The daughters posed like they were in the SI swimsuit issue; the bikini-ed mother posed as she clicked away. Then papa comes to take pictures of his annoying gorgeous family. Marc, watching this whole photo shoot with me said, “I should ask if they want me to take a picture of the four of them.” I told him I’d kill him if he gave them any more attention, we laughed.

We soon took a little sailboat out. As we were hopping in the boat, two women were getting out of another. These women were at least 15 years older than me. They weren’t physically perfect like the Italians. They had lumps and bumps but were seemingly unaware.  I am always drawn to this question of body confidence. See, I am of another persuasion. I love a good cover up (and love to cover up), when I’m on the beach in a bathing suit, I’m aware I’m basically naked and I’m happiest under an umbrella with a good book (kindle people, it’s hard to read kindles on the beach) taking it all in. There will be no attention-grabbing Slayton photo shoots. I would bet I’m not alone and if you need a little beach day encouragement here are some ideas:

Run- I like a good sweat before a beach day. Most of the time I go for an hour-long run. Part of me likes to move before planting myself in a lounge chair. More than anything, it feels good before sporting a swimsuit.

Tan and lube- I tweeted  “nothing like a BB (before bikini) workout” and a fellow nutritionist said “yes and a spray tan too”.  It’s true; tanning is a great camouflager and does make you look slimmer.  I worry about the safety of spray tans. There are organic options (there’s a place called O’live organic in NYC) but I stick to self-tanner. Look for a paraben free self tanner. I love Chocolate Sun.  As much as I love my Coola mineral sunscreen, I don’t love the white matte finish it leaves on my skin. I follow it up with a little oil.

Drink- while I’m sure a shot of tequila would eradicate any swimsuit hesitancy, I’m not a day drinker. Instead, Eboost and Pukka detox tea are my pre-beach beverages. Did you know that teabags don’t need hot water? Any water works. I was so thrilled the hotel gym had Eboost.

Pursue Potassium- we’re early beach goers, we get to the beach before it gets crowded and generally leave to do other things around lunchtime. Each morning away we’d pass people chowing down at the outdoor restaurant. Who can eat a buffet breakfast and then slip into a swimsuit? Oh yes, the Italians or the sailing ladies. Why not?  If you’re two-piece terrified, potassium is your pal. Potassium in your diet decreases sodium levels. Less sodium? Less puffy. Some ideas:

Eggs and Asparagus

Goat Yogurt (Coach Farms makes, easier to digest than dairy)

Fruits such as cantaloupe, citrus and my favorite avocado.

And let’s not forget the potassium power of coconut water.

Practice- my numero uno beach tip of all time was to change into a swimsuit when you get home from work for a week before a beach vacation. Clients loved this and emailed that they were making dinner, working on the computer and cleaning the house in their bikinis. Seriously though, part of the whole bathing suit thing if you didn’t grow up on the beach is just comfort. It’s also important to try on suits before you leave for a trip. What worked last summer, for various reasons, may not be doing you any favors this year. You don’t want your cup (or your “saucer” for that matter) to “runneth” over.  And a stretched out too-loose get-up isn’t helping your cause. And our causes, no matter how big or how small, need help.
Are you more like the Italians or a cover upper? What do you do to psyche yourself up for the beach? Any last minute tricks? Have you read Gone Girl or anything else good?

And the winner of the Mountain Valley Spring water is Nancy, congratulations.