Before the long weekend, some non-food advice

I am not overly horoscopy. I do, however, identify with being a Virgo. If you’re less horoscopy than I am, Virgo is the sign that runs (do signs “run”) or spans August 23^rd (yup my bday kicks it off) to September 22^nd. Those in the know say I’m “on the cusp” of Leo and Virgo but since I’m a VIRGO, that doesn’t’ work for me, too wishy washy.

An email I received, from ABC Home of all places, gave this Virgo rundown:

Strengths: loyal, analytical, kind, hardworking

Weaknesses: worry, overly critical of self and others, all work and no play.

I don’t entirely agree with that last, harsh descriptor. However, even when I “play” it’s planned and organized, so there you go.

Now, the advice part. This week, I had a thought provoking, informative and overall amazing conversation with an integrative MD. I am sure I will, with her permission, write more about her at a later date. By most doctor’s standards, I’m in great health. But I do have migraines, some GI stuff and the “worry” mentioned above in the horoscope. I was telling the doctor that I’ve been dabbling in meditation, biking on my new Peloton, going to my IR sauna place, the list continued. The doctor looked at me and said, “maybe your self-care shouldn’t involve so much doing.”  OMG. It was, what Oprah would call, an aha moment. I physically felt it. It was completely true. It may not sound like a big deal but it resonated with me.

I know there are people who should do more. If you’re stagnating some more exercise or meditation or a sauna are good options. For me, and perhaps my Virgo cohort, I need to do less. I’ve been aware of this socially. I actually prefer having fewer social plans. But not being social doesn’t mean I’m relaxing, right?

Give yourself what you need this weekend. If you’re been a little bit of a hermit, get out and maybe try something new or see someone you haven’t. I will be, with my kids, at my mom’s house. My husband, who doesn’t sit and relax often either, will be golfing. I’ll skip my golf-related comment and let you know I’ll be reading, hanging out with my easy going mother and consciously doing less.

Election Eating? We've got you covered.

Something happened during last week’s debate and I’m not talking about Trump losing his s#!t or the Hillary shimmy. No, the something I’m referring to happened to those of us watching.

The hullabaloo disguised as a debate left viewers unsettled and fearful. I felt as if I had witnessed an accident and posted “I need lavender and chamomile and kava and natural calm...and Xanax”  I wasn’t kidding. I couldn’t sleep with the thought that there are people who support “that”. At this point, it’s not being partisan, it’s being human.

The WSJ called it “political anxiety disorder". Sure enough, when there’s anxiety there’s eating, as my clients the next day attested to. Even Carolyn mentioned a half pint of Halo top disappearing as she tried to calm her “Donalds". We coined these election-induced munchies “debate weight” at the office.  With the VP debate tonight, we have a solution:

Election Survival Kit

It contains: healthy, almond cookies, delicious (grain free!) rosemary crackers, crack-like coffee-almond butter (better than that crackpot candidate), a "soufflé" protein muffin and tasty nuts…because this is all nuts. It all comes wrapped in blue tissue paper. Send one to a friend or family member or our vote..send one to yourself.

Have you had any “election eating” or anxiety? I’d love to hear.

I was a meditation faillure until this

Meditation stresses me out.  While I’m fully on board with all meditation can do for me, I couldn’t find a way to work it into my life. Some people meditate first thing in the morning. That’s great but I like to write at that time. Others suggest meditating before bed but at that point, I just want to go to bed. I’ve spent money on apps and programs and nothing stuck until my most recent discovery.

One of my favorite things in life is a sauna. I love the dry heat and the quiet. I find it to be one of the most relaxing things but I don’t have a sauna at home. I do have a steam shower, which was never my thing (more of a bath girl). Marc insisted on it when we renovated. I’ve slowly come around and find it sauna-esque, now I set the steam for 10 minutes whenever I shower.

I’ve been pretty anxious the last couple of weeks. It’s nothing major but the usual not enough hours in the day stuff that comes with the kids being back in their routines and work kicking up for me.  I’ve noticed my heart racing a bit. And so, when I found myself with five minutes left on the steam shower, I decided it was an opportunity (and all I can say to the person who thought this sentence meant something else is it's a MEDITATION post). I sat down (we have a bench in our shower, another Marc request), closed my eyes and “focused on my breath”.  If that sounds a little woo woo to you, I agree. You see I’m not someone who can focus on my breath. The only thing that works for me is counting. I count five counts to inhale and another five to exhale.  I think there’s something to be said for being locked in the shower. Even if my eyes open there’s no computer screen or phone. There’s nobody who will walk in (surprisingly this is the one safe haven in my house) or distract me. And I’m only aiming for five minutes at this point.  I’m ok with that as I read (in People which made me feel better about my People habit too) the Dalai Lama quoted saying, “there shouldn’t be any strict rules. It’s not good to push oneself too much.” So there.

Do you meditate? When and where do you do it? For how long? Do you like saunas?

The Mother In-law Challenge

Last week, I was in my office for client sessions. Many clients had Rosh Hashanah on their minds. For any special event, I try to gather information in order to formulate a plan. “Where will you be for the holidays?” On this particular day three clients informed me that their mother in-law was hosting. Each of these clients shared this with evident apprehension.  Humor is my favorite antidote for anxiety so I dubbed it “the Mother In-law challenge” and we went from there.

When my sessions were over, my mind drifted back to mother in laws and all the accompanying stereotypes. This definition made me chuckle.

 A phrase appended to names of relationship, as father, mother, brother, sister, son, etc., to indicate that the relationship is not by nature

There are books written on the subject including one from psychologist Terri Apter entitled…What do you want from me? And it will come as no shock that the most complicated relationships are between mother in-laws and daughter in-laws.

The food dynamic stems directly from the family dynamic. First, these relationships are “not by nature” these are not your parents where the comfort level is greater. And second, all family gatherings evoke some level of tension. This tension you may carry is as big an obstacle as your MIL. I will go on record and say my beautiful, Swedish MIL is a healthy eater and always has a Foodtrainers-friendly spread for family meals. However, I’m more at ease with my family…of course we have our issues but I’m used to them.

You have to be comfortable with eating well and that may mean foregoing certain holiday foods; you don’t need your mother in law to be comfortable with it or eat like her. I'm assuming you don't dress like her or act like her, right? If your mother in law carries the food-pushing gene, you have two choices. My first rule is “accept but don’t ingest” which I’ve mentioned in LBT and on the blog before. People are often more concerned with what you take or put on your plate than what you actually consume. If your MIL actually assesses your intake, I would employ the best food pusher advice “push back”. It's best to push back with a compliment such as “this is so delicious but I think I’ve had enough”. As far as the tension, mentally prepare yourself for that too. Walk yourself through with "I may be on edge, there will be lots of people but I'm going to be sure to put all my food on a plate and eat slowly." 

For better or for worse, you will have many more in-law meals and the sooner you carve out what works best for you in terms of strategy the better.

If you’re “Rosh Hashanahing” I wish you a happy new year.

What is the hardest part of holiday meals for you? Why do mother in-laws get a bad rap? Or should they get a bad rap?