How To Pick An Active Vacation or Retreat (from someone who knows)

Lauren and I are no strangers to airplane rides or adventures. I’m sure our shared history traveling on Semester at Sea and desire to live FULL lives are two of the reasons we work together so well. This past year, I made it a priority to say 'yes' to as many escapes, adventures and retreats as my calendar (and bank account) will allow. Rather than having a Year of Yes (great book by the way), I think of it as only saying YES to things that make my body feel really good. Food, movement, and good people are my priorities.

(yogascapes Moab with Kerri Kelly + Jason Bowman) 

I should share that as an anti-type A person (more type Z), retreats are my favorite way to travel. After showing up in Thailand itinerary-less a few years ago, I’ve realized that planning, or outsourcing the planning, is in fact wonderful and necessary. Interestingly, Lauren is a self-confessed type A-person and likes outsourcing the organizing too. This way, she can obsess about something (or somewhere) else.

Here’s how to choose a retreat:

Pick your priority: is it to meet cool people, have some bootcamp and a little booze too? SurfYogaBeer is run by some of NYC fitness scene’s best, and they host worldwide fitness and fun retreats. I’ve met some of my best friends on these trips. But, if your priority is more to do “self work” and get a little hippy dippy with it, Kripalu R&R or YogaScapes retreats may be more for you.

(post bootcamp/hill sprints with SurfYogaBeer Amalfi)

Know your magic number: Everyone has their # of days that makes a vacation go from “best trip ever” to “I want to go home”. Mine is 5. Know your #.

(from an organic cafe we hunted down in positano, italy) 

Don't assume when it comes to the food: surprisingly even “health” retreats don’t always have the healthiest food. So do your research and ask questions – remember, you’re paying! You can request gluten free and extra veggies etc. Also, always pack your own safety snacks and search for local juice and smoothie bars. *But if you’re going to Italy, try the freaking pasta...

(my first time surfing w/ SYB Costa Rica) 

Try new activities: You absolutely do NOT have to be an avid yogi to go on a yoga retreat or have any surf knowledge to go on a surf retreat. Many people I’ve met on my past few trips are complete beginners. Don’t let your lack of experience keep you from trying something that sounds cool. For example, a retreat with a campfire cacao ceremony, anyone? 

(hiking the Path of the Gods, Positano)

Friends and family optional: when in doubt…. Pack up and GO! Go alone, go with friends, go with a love, go with your kids, just go. Recently I did this with a close friend on a trip to Moab, Utah with YogaScapes, not knowing anything about the destination or people (Type-Z strikes again), and it was one of the best trips of my life – and one of the least expensive ones, too.

(moab under canvas)

Cost contributors: Camping is a great way to save money (or glamping, Under Canvas is a cool alternative in national parks). There's something fun about going a little rugged, especially if someone else handles the tent set up.  Also, sharing rooms is not usually as creepy as it sounds and can make things much more affordable... but if we're being honest, Lauren pulled out of a meditation retreat at Garrison Institute because she had to have a roommate. Pick what's most important to you and pay for it.

(view from Capri)

Healthy vacations aren’t just for the 20 or 30-something or single! Lauren has done biking/hiking/camping trips trips with her husband and kids to Yellowstone, Zion and the Grand Canyon with Backroads. Many companies offer family trip options.

For me, my next “work” trip is a blueberry adventure with Lauren in Maine. And then I'm thinking a silent retreat – yup, no Insta AND no speaking… sounds terrifying, so I have to do it.

Where are you headed next? What have been your great retreat or travel experiences? 

It Was Me All Along

I read two types of books. For work it’s mostly non-fiction. There’s a stack of books staring at me on fascinating topics such as probiotics, hormones and seeds. On the weekends, I’ll treat myself a novel, something I can read more than one chapter of at a time. Though I like anything nutrition-related, rarely am I captivated by something I’m reading for work. However, I spent most of Saturday on the couch with It Was Me all Along. And if you’ve ever struggled with food or family, you will cherish Andie Mitchell’s story.

I do something weird while I read (and I randomly found out another friend does too). I fold the bottom of the page in a book if there’s something I want to return to. I had so many corner flips as I read this one. A few of my favorites:

Where does emotional eating begin?

Without giving too much away, in the first part of the book you learn about Andie’s early years. In a way both of her parents were absent. But it was her mother who was “scared of scarcity” and baked and cooked excessively when she was around who had a steady influence on Andie’s food and weight.  When she was around, we get the picture of a loving mom who truly wants what’s best for her daughter.

Change of circumstances, change of eating?

As I read, I thought surely when Andie left home and went off to college she’d be less lonely and her food might fall into place.  I was wrong, what started off as eating out of loneliness morphed into social eating. She found friends and entered relationships with those who enjoyed overeating too. In many ways, for better or for worse, our peers have an effect on our eating.

The realizations that start to change things

At one point, after visiting a drive through with a friend, Andie remarks she doesn’t even like McDonald’s fries “I wondered how many other foods I ate that I didn’t even like. Then I wondered, however briefly, if my eating was even about liking food at all”. Eating can be about so many non-taste related things. As Andie said best, “whenever I started to feel even one inkling of boredom, doubt, anxiety or anger, food would soothe me. At least temporarily.”

There are always “two voices”

Andie captures the struggle, the pull of “both voices” many of us have.  “I struggled between wishing away all the food that had collected on my body as fat and fiercely missing every morsel.”

What to do when things aren’t going so well

I loved a breakthrough Andie had when she was wavering “oh so this is going to suck for a while”. She compares eating to a marathon “where miles 10 through twenty-six just purely, uncompromisingly suck. ” It’s not always fun and many of us have to realize that.

Mindful Eating

Some of my favorite parts of this book are when Andie goes abroad to Italy. She discovers running and cooking but also pleasure in food. It’s a major, meaningful and beautiful shift going  “from someone who ate to capacity to distract her mind, into someone who purposefully tasted every morsel, was not unconscious”

We can lose weight without really addressing things

 “I wanted so badly to conceal the fact that, despite a radical transformation, I remained as screwed up as I had been. I was alone with myself. I was exposed. I was left with emotions I’d eaten for twenty years”

And finally…

“I was simply one person who happened to have lots of history and personal experience with dieting, losing weight and learning to love her whole self”

Have you read or heard of this book? Which quote resonated with you? What are you reading now?

The Mother In-law Challenge

Last week, I was in my office for client sessions. Many clients had Rosh Hashanah on their minds. For any special event, I try to gather information in order to formulate a plan. “Where will you be for the holidays?” On this particular day three clients informed me that their mother in-law was hosting. Each of these clients shared this with evident apprehension.  Humor is my favorite antidote for anxiety so I dubbed it “the Mother In-law challenge” and we went from there.

When my sessions were over, my mind drifted back to mother in laws and all the accompanying stereotypes. This definition made me chuckle.

 A phrase appended to names of relationship, as father, mother, brother, sister, son, etc., to indicate that the relationship is not by nature

There are books written on the subject including one from psychologist Terri Apter entitled…What do you want from me? And it will come as no shock that the most complicated relationships are between mother in-laws and daughter in-laws.

The food dynamic stems directly from the family dynamic. First, these relationships are “not by nature” these are not your parents where the comfort level is greater. And second, all family gatherings evoke some level of tension. This tension you may carry is as big an obstacle as your MIL. I will go on record and say my beautiful, Swedish MIL is a healthy eater and always has a Foodtrainers-friendly spread for family meals. However, I’m more at ease with my family…of course we have our issues but I’m used to them.

You have to be comfortable with eating well and that may mean foregoing certain holiday foods; you don’t need your mother in law to be comfortable with it or eat like her. I'm assuming you don't dress like her or act like her, right? If your mother in law carries the food-pushing gene, you have two choices. My first rule is “accept but don’t ingest” which I’ve mentioned in LBT and on the blog before. People are often more concerned with what you take or put on your plate than what you actually consume. If your MIL actually assesses your intake, I would employ the best food pusher advice “push back”. It's best to push back with a compliment such as “this is so delicious but I think I’ve had enough”. As far as the tension, mentally prepare yourself for that too. Walk yourself through with "I may be on edge, there will be lots of people but I'm going to be sure to put all my food on a plate and eat slowly." 

For better or for worse, you will have many more in-law meals and the sooner you carve out what works best for you in terms of strategy the better.

If you’re “Rosh Hashanahing” I wish you a happy new year.

What is the hardest part of holiday meals for you? Why do mother in-laws get a bad rap? Or should they get a bad rap?

Should you tell others you're trying to lose weight?

Research says shut your mouth (in more ways than one) if trying to lose

When I finish a session with a new client and they pay in cash, I know. Sure, there’s a chance they’re one of those credit cards shunners but it’s far more likely they don’t want their spouse to know. It’s their secret that they’re trying to lose weight. Recently, a writer asked Carolyn a great question. “Is it better to share your weight loss efforts with others or keep it to yourself?” Are the cash clients onto something?

Carolyn and I exchanged emails on this topic, her answers….

Can telling people you are trying to lose weight improve your results?

It can for a couple of reasons. Having a support system to back you up works wonders. Many clients are quick to point out the friends they eat poorly around but chances are there are those positive forces too. If you have friends who will join you at the gym or eat at healthy restaurants, make them “favorites”. You can also use friends and family for accountability. Even though I’m a nutritionist- some of our Foodtrainers’ office emails about hydration or fitbit steps really help me. And if you are seeing a nutritionist or trainer and sometimes professionals can be your “carb”confidante.

Are there any people you should refrain from telling?

Off the bat I would avoid telling those people who are jealous or will try to sabotage you, judgy family members are in this category. And beware, it’s often the judgy folks we want approval from. No matter how stoked you are about a new routine, be selective about sharing; you want support, not mommying or monitoring. 

So, why do you think people closet their weight loss efforts?

Some people are ashamed of needing to lose weight, food and nutrition are much more complicated than exercise. For others it’s fear of failure. One client’s husband said, “I just don’t want you to be disappointed if it doesn’t work.”  And then there’s always people who don’t want it to appear they “have to watch” their food intake or don’t want to cop to something as “silly” as food journaliing.

Do you see tide turning, are people sharing more?

On the whole people are more interested in food and health. The tide is definitely turning. There are office weight loss challenges, group fitness, apps not to mention social media encouraging us to share.

“The research” as it’s often referred to (and deferred to) encourages that we don’t share our goals, what do you say to the Ted talk etc?

OK so yes, there are studies and a Ted Talk that discourages goal sharing. The reasoning is that once you tell others what you’d like to achieve there’s some perceived accomplishment so you don’t work as hard at what you’re doing. This reminds me of New Years Resolutions, we’re all good at setting the goals. We avoid this with clients by having them focused on the behaviors versus just the goal. And what the studies miss is the effect shame can have on us. It’s not embarrassing to improve your health or watch what you’re eating and it doesn’t feel good to hide or lie.

Are you open about your efforts to lose weight or be healthy? Who do you share the most with (in this department) your partner, friends, shrink? What do you think about the studies pointing out that sometimes sharing isn’t best?