Fat on Facebook

I received the following email from a loyal Foodtrainers’ reader:

Just last night I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and I came across a photo of my friend’s child, above the photo she had captioned "My Big Guy".  My eyes nearly popped out of their sockets because she had this child only 2 years ago and he is GIGANTIC, and by gigantic I mean OBESE.  This isn't like a home-grown, strapping, Midwestern farm kid who has been drinking natural cow's milk and eating kale grown outside in the garden, this is a Brooklyn kid who must be raised on ALL processed foods.  I immediately texted my best friend who is really close with this friend. She wrote back to say, "I know!  I am thinking about what to say to her now because something has to be said!!!"

What would Lauren do?  Do you have the conversation, or do you avoid it and watch your friend's kid get diabetes and asthma?  

What I would do, as a nutritionist, may be different from what you choose to do. I do not offer unsolicited nutrition advice, as professionally, I feel readiness is everything. Advice is taken much more seriously in my office than it is at a dinner table or schoolyard. I think your question is a great one for a few reasons. First, early childhood weight is often ignored or dismissed as “baby fat” while babies and toddlers, like the rest of our country, have been getting larger. One in 10 children under 2 years old is overweight. Additionally, many friends and relatives reading this struggle with the same “do I say something” question.

I reached out to Dara-Lynn Weiss, a parent and the author of the thought-provoking new book The Heavy, for her opinion on this. The Heavy documents Dara’s efforts to help her 7 year old lose weight. Last year I blogged about a Vogue article profiling Dara and her daughter Bea.

Dara’s response:

I am no expert on childhood obesity, pediatric nutrition, or child psychology. But as a mother who went through the trial of having an obese child, I do have an opinion about what you and other parents in your situation should do: nothing.

In my memoir about helping my child overcome obesity at a young age (The Heavy: A Mother, A Daughter, A Diet -- A Memoir), I consider various reasons why parents' job of helping a severely overweight child is so unexpectedly difficult. Some of those reasons are:

1. We're scared to talk to kids about their weight, and to intervene in a very sensitive and challenging area of their lives. 
2. While we are subject to the judgments and criticisms of our peers for having an overweight or obese child, we fear the backlash that may accompany our decision to help a young child lose weight. 
3. The information provided by experts on how to help our child often has little or nothing to do with our individual child's situation, making us feel like we're doing something wrong when we fail to heed that advice or find it doesn't work for our families.

I can see that you care about your friend, and are operating out of genuine concern for her child. I think you are worried she's guilty of issue #1 (afraid to intervene), but I would suggest you try to avoid being one of the people contributing to issue #2 (judgment by peers). I respect that Lauren, who does have actual expertise in the area of nutrition, doesn't provide unsolicited advice to people without understanding the specifics of their bodies and lifestyle. It is all too easy to criticize others -- I know from having been on both sides of the judgment coin -- and to feel you know what's best for them without having a full understanding of their situation.

In this case, you are making judgments about a two-year-old child's diet ("he must be raised on ALL processed foods") and health prospects (taking "diabetes and asthma" as a given in this child's future) based only on a Facebook post. There may be medical issue or a reasonable developmental explanation around this child's weight. Perhaps the mother is already concerned about or even addressing her child's weight, and she is merely expressing her love for her baby on Facebook, not making a public declaration of obesity acceptance.

I appreciate that you want to help. As the mother of a child who suffered from obesity and still works hard to maintain a healthy weight, I strongly believe that the only person who should tell a parent that his or her child needs intervention with weight is a medical professional who has an ongoing relationship to the family. As a friend to the parent of an overweight or obese child, the best thing you can do, in my opinion, is support your friend's efforts to help her child -- whenever and however she decides to do so -- and spare her any unsolicited judgments and advice. I'm sure she's getting enough of those as it is.

 Wow, thank you Dara. I have a few additional thoughts. While we both agree saying something isn’t necessarily the right move, you mentioned support. If you are to support someone you have to be in contact with them. Perhaps open the door with “how is everything going? Your photo made me realize we haven’t been in touch”. If someone is looking to spew, that’s all they need to hear. I also thought a lot about Dara’s opinion of “expert’s advice” and it’s something I often think when I read books on children’s nutrition or parenting. I feel like screaming, “it’s not that easy.” And talking about weight and food is far from easy.

Thank you for this question, if any of you have articles or questions you’d like me to cover, send them my way.What would you do if faced with a similar situation? Have you ever addressed a friend or family member’s weight before they broached the subject? Would it be different if this were an adult?

Happy Valentine's Day, Dave Linn (Jen Linn's husband) wrote the most beautiful piece about her. This is love and a must read (with tissues ready). Miss you Jen and your dancing always.

Giveaway news: the winner of the Chocolate giveaway is Kathy (from beautypalatte blog) and the winner of Sex Again is Meg. 

My Nanny State

A little over ten years ago my older son was born. Like most new parents, Marc and I were completely clueless. Since we both work, hiring a nanny seemed logical. After a series of interviews we foolishly decided to go with the smartest and sharpest of the applicant pool. Every morning smarty-pants would come into work; before she would touch or acknowledge the baby she’d make herself tea and oatmeal. I’m not a timid person but this woman was running the show. I’m embarrassed to say I put up with this insanity for six months until I started to get a clue. I sent an email out to everyone I knew looking for a new nanny and somehow hit the babysitter jackpot.

This go around, our son was there to help us. L* came into our apartment for her interview and he crawled over to her and sat in her lap. This stranger instinctively hugged and kissed him as she’s done for the past nine plus years. Friends of ours have switched babysitters as their children got older but L is a part of our family. Aside from being patient and loving, L is a fantastic cook; my boys love plantains, ackee, saltfish and curry thanks to her. And because I’m such a pain in the ass particular L has learned some things from me as well. She knows that the produce for the house has to be organic, beef grass-fed, water filtered and in glass bottles…and the list goes on. Did I mention L was patient?

I’m going somewhere with all of this. Yesterday, I left the office early to pick up the boys on their last day of school. I came into the apartment, to drop my computer ,and was greeted by this

not my definition of "joy"

My heart started to race, I may as well have been staring at an explosive device “L are you eating McDonalds?” “Yes, just once in a while Lauren, that’s all.” I couldn’t believe the enemy was in my house. “L you really shouldn’t eat it, it’s total junk and you’re so careful about what you eat. Plus, we have a whole fridge of good stuff.” I decided to stop there but 10 minutes later couldn’t help myself  and said, “seriously, McDonalds?” In her kind way she said, “Lauren, you’re making me feel guilty.” In my snarky way I replied, “that’s fine, you should.” Then I thought about it some more. My kids are at school, she feeds them really well, aside from concern or repulsion do I have a say in what she chooses to eat? I don’t think I do but she has horrendous reflux. Hypothetically, if she eats foods that aggravate it and has to miss work, is it my business then? It can get a little complicated but if this was the first time in 10 years, I’m hoping my kids will be in college before it happens again.

What is your take on this? Do employers have a say in what employees eat? Or can you say what isn’t allowed in your home or office? Would it be different if she had it in front of the children?

*even though she eats McDonalds I’ll still protect her privacy.

Ignore Candy Calories

Yesterday, I found myself clicking on a list for a Halloween candy calorie counter. I’ve also read numerous Halloween-focused blog posts and advised concerned clients providing them with my suggestions for Sunday. It no longer surprises me that a day meant to be child-centric takes up a lot of mind time for weight conscious adults because of the candy situation. Other holidays have their accompanying sweets there’s chocolate on Valentine’s Day and pie on Thanksgiving. Yet on Halloween candy, loaded with childhood memories and perhaps mentally off limits, trumps the others in terms of temptation and trouble. To soothe a potentially scary situation a few of my trick or treat tips:
1. Ignore candy calories.
We can all do the math and in fact, for a few publications, I have done more than my share of candy math. There are charts listing the higher calorie candies which includes many of the chocolately ones (Reese’s, Almond Joy, Mounds, Take 5) and the lower calorie (candy corn, 3 Musketeers, Peppermint Patty) but as I mention above I feel you should ignore them. Here’s the deal, it doesn’t matter to me that I can have 35 (35.2 to be exact) candy corn for 3 mini Mounds. I don’t like candy corn and would never forego a chance for an adorable and delicious Mounds. I don’t think we should pick our treat based on a chart. If you’re like me at one time or another you’ve tasted them all (actually I have never had a Take 5) and know your favorites. Go with them and you may not have to eat 35.

2. Children will not care about candy after 48 hours.
It happens every year. It’s mid November and I’m in my office. Without fail a few sessions will start like this “I was doing laundry and I spotted the kids’ candy, I had hid it from the kids.” Or, “it was late at night; I went into the kitchen and decided to have 1 piece of the Halloween candy.” Let’s just say the latter example doesn’t end with 1 piece of candy. I suggest letting your kids enjoy, within reason, their stash on Halloween. After that, present them with a small container and let them put 5 of their favorite candies in there to save. Do what you will with the rest but it needs to leave the house. You can donate it and send it overseas to soldiers (although lately according to reports not sure they need the extra calories), you can, as a client of mine does, put it out for the “candy witch” to take. Candy Witch takes the candy, brings it to children without candy and like the tooth fairy leaves some coins in return. I have no issues tossing candy. If that sounds wasteful I would argue that eating nutritionally void treats isn’t helping anyone.

3. Better Options Exist
I have to admit, I’m not anti sugar. Kids and adults have sugar, even the ones who say or whose parents say they “eat no sugar.” Everything from yogurt to oatmeal can have sugar in it. An article in the New York Times today states “candy provides only 6 percent of the added sugar in the American diet, while sweet drinks and juice supply 46 percent.” Having noted that sugar is prevalent there are better and worse ways to sweeten things. I am wearier of the dyes and high fructose corn syrup than I am of sugar. My kids selected Annie’s Organic Bunny Fruit Snacks and Surf Sweets Sour Worms  to give out. Are these healthy? Appetizing? Absolutely not. They are free of corn syrup and use natural colorings. I also don’t happen to have any sort of a gummy habit so they’re also “safe” in that respect.
What’s your favorite Halloween candy? Do you intend to have it this year? What are you giving out? Do you agree with my trick or treat tips or have any of your own to add?

Kids' Cravings

This is a guest post from Juli Novotny, founder of Kookie Karma (yum) and  the PUREmamas blog. What started as a "baby blog" for curious friends and family members transformed into PUREmamas with the intention of giving new moms, pregnant women and modern conscious parents healthy food ideas, recipes and motivational tips.



Kids’ nutrition is my favorite topic in the world. I love to see little ones, often the pickiest of eaters, getting excited about food, but not any food. I'm talking healthy food. It's not always easy to get children to enjoy fruits and veggies so when I come up with a recipe that kids want more of, it's a huge feat for me. Just because I'm a healthy person and own a health food company doesn't mean my kids are born without a sweet tooth or food aversions. It has been challenging to find foods that are palatable and flavorful that my little boys won't spit out!  I'm lucky in that my life revolves around being creative in the kitchen. I created my PUREmamas blog, and write articles such as this, to share the results of hours of culinary experimentation with others.

Here are a few lessons I have learned first and recommendations:
Parents shape their children's habits and desires based on their own. For example, I hate when I get water in my ears. So, I assume my kids do too and always cover the up when I wash their hair. I also hate little spiders and sometimes freak out when I see one. Now, my son is grossed out by them. Food is no different. Kids will do, say and eat, as we do. We are their role models and habit formers when they are young.
If at first you don’t succeed…I guarantee you that with some effort and multiple tries, every parent can find something that grows from the Earth that your children will actually touch.

Fruit: both my sons HATE fruit, I think it's a texture thing. They won't even take a small bite of an orange, pear or strawberry. Strange, right? So I put all the fruits I want them to consume into a blender, blend it up with a little goats’ milk or a little homemade almond milk and suddenly fruit is no longer the enemy.

Greens: my sons will not touch f pasta or rice if there is just one spec of a green leaf in it. They will pull it out with their fingers no matter how well I cover it up with sauce . Crunchy kale chips  on the other hand? My kids devour the entire bag and want more.

Add healthy stuff to something they already LOVE. Or replace the junk with a little LESS junky!

1. If your child loves milk, throw it in the blender first with a little green juice or add a few drops of flax oil. Add just a little each time.

2. Kids obsessed with apple juice? Make your own at home - get out your juicer and use only organic green apples - these are less sweet.

3. If your children eats oatmeal buy plain oats add hemp oil, probiotics and fresh almond milk to them. Add your own sweetness with agave nectar, raw honey (not for children under 2 though) or pure maple syrup. Just a drop.

4. Throw out the candy. Instead of giving candy as a treat (or a bribe) - give chewable vitamins from the health food store. We have these ones that are made with xylitol and molasses and tons of greens! My son is obsessed with them and he only gets them once a day.

5. Exchange the wheat based crackers for the brown rice based. And choose those without any added sugar.

6. Do they love chocolate? Make your own chocolate milk. Or make a large batch of raw truffles and keep them in the freezer. They are easy to make.

7. Are your children suckers for cookies? Make your own healthy macaroons and store them in the fridge.

8. Soda? Don't even get me started. Throw it out. Instead add lemon or orange rind and juice and agave nectar or xylitol to bubbly water. Mix and serve.
Any questions for Juli? What are your favorite healthy food tweaks?

Les Enfants

(We were in France for vacation; this is a first of a few travel-related posts)

Earlier this summer my friend Courtney was visiting from San Francisco. Courtney and I met 8 and half years ago, a month after we each had our first child. We were seated next to each other at one of those new mothers’ luncheons. Courtney made sarcastic comments about the “lecture” and rolled her eyes in my direction, we were instantly friends. This was before Courtney left NYC for SF and before Courtney had 2 subsequent beautiful babes. In the years since, Courtney has been my traveling idol. We had our second children around the same time. Before I had mastered getting a 2 year old and an infant in a taxi, Courtney was boarding the red eye with 3 kids. We all hope parenthood will not slow us down but for Courtney it didn’t. Emails came from Switzerland skiing, on a train in the South of France and it seemed it was possible, at least for her.

As we sat on my couch with a glass of wine, we were just starting to plan our trip to France where Courtney had just been. We talking about traveling with young children and Courtney remarked “there was not a kids menu on this trip, the kids did eat a LOT of Caesar salad, they really ate what we ate.” This instantly struck a chord. My children are good eaters. They eat all fruits and vegetables, salad, sushi and Thai food. And they also have cookies and ice cream and all the normal kids’ treats. Last summer, in the UK, they did well food-wise but most of what they were eating was fairly familiar and I wasn’t as fixated…

We left for France and I was determined for my children to eat anything and everything, most likely too determined. Our first few days in Paris were fantastic on all fronts, including eating. The boys were in bread heaven devouring croissants and baguettes, their new favorite word boulangerie. Our third day was my birthday. My husband nicely offered to take the boys for a couple of hours while I did some shopping. We planned to meet at the café at Colette for lunch. While I like shopping and loved browsing, I lack endurance and arrived at lunch a little early. I decided to order and have things ready when the boys arrived. I ordered an egg dish, Caesar Salad, chicken with lentils and a cheeseburger for good measure.

The food was on the table as the boys came in. “What are we eating?” they asked. I placed the cheeseburger in front of my younger son, the carnivore and the salad for my older son, the veggie lover. “I don’t like this burger” Weston whispered, aware it was Moms birthday and also the “eat anything” pressure. My husband examined the burger and said “there’s a lot going on there chutney and pickles and some ham, I’ll take some things off.” I held ridiculously firm and said “Wes, we’re not in NY foods aren’t always the same.” Truth be told, in NY I wouldn’t have ordered this burger. The dissent intensified as Myles said “this salad is too cheesy and the cheese is strong.” I started to unravel as though my vision of their eating was shattered, abnormal I know. But I didn’t stop, I pouted, I bribed until finally I asked the boys if they wanted to try my poulet and lentils. Really trying to please, they tasted the chicken and lentils and ended up sharing the dish.

We left Colette, I felt terrible. My husband pulled me aside and said “you have to lighten up; they’re trying but aren’t going to change their habits overnight.” Wow, if anyone should know this it’s me! As we walked along Rue St Honore, I knew he was right. I had to let go of the way I envisioned the boys eating as it was backfiring and causing tension. We ended up at Brasserie Lipp for dinner that night. The boys had melon and jambon, poulet with haricot vert. They tasted ratatouille that came with my salmon and picked frites off of Marc’s plate. It was a delicious dinner that we all enjoyed.

For the remainder of the trip I didn’t abandon all hopes of the boys trying new foods. I generally ordered a few things for the table and let them decide what they were interested in. I also learned that sometimes sampling involves trying pistachio or caramel ice cream or some of the exotic jams delivered with breakfast. There wasn’t even the temptation of a menu pour les enfants, which was nice. In France, if they exist we didn’t see them. So while they may not love chutney or stinky cheese there wasn’t a buttered noodle or nugget in sight.
When you travel do you seek out the familiar or branch out? Have you ever noticed, despite good intentions, placing food pressure on your children? And what’s your favorite French Food?

Heath Hypocrites

I recently had a conversation with an administrator at a NYC school. She was relaying to me the demands parents placed on her and their school in terms of nutrition. As a parent I could understand some of the requests (hormone free dairy, snacks free of allergens and low in sugar). As a nutritionist, I know how “nutty” some NYC parents can be. At the end of our conversation, the administrator said “and the juice, do you know how many juice boxes leave this school at pick up? Parents give these kids juice but demand we do not.” Interesting.

This made me start to think. Do we, as parents, demand more from schools, camps and babysitters in terms of nutrition that we do for our children ourselves? And do we expect our children to eat in a manner we don’t even replicate in our adult lives? Question: how many of you will have breakfast or lunch today made with organic produce and hormone free meat?

I have had many parents tell me “I made sure we had a healthy snack when your kids came to play.” I can only gather it’s a healthier snack then they normally have. And I’ll be honest; I may up the antioxidant ante when I have kids over at my house. While my kids may have an apple and a cookie afterschool, we may have carrots and celery and clementines for a play date. So am I guilty too? Am I a health hypocrite? This surely extends beyond the parent and child relationship. Ladies, do you shun the bread basket when out to eat but eat the bread when you’re on your own? I always laugh when the sugars and fake sugars are placed on a restaurant table. It often goes untouched. I would love to follow my friends and see if they are “sugar free” when solo at Starbucks.

Many of us want to wear a halo of health. Perhaps our nutrition knowledge and habits are part of our image like the car we drive or the clothing that we wear. I could go on and on (read past posts I do) about reasons to eat well and exercise but this faking it strikes me as a waste of time and likely counterproductive. If all of this faux health creates stress it may well be making us less healthy. Can we all agree to be imperfectly healthy and reduce eating stress and stress in general? I wrote a post entitled Fast Food Slaytons a couple months ago. I described a run in with a burger joint my family had on the way home from Vermont. I cannot tell you the number of emails I received. People were thrilled to hear that I too had slips and that we didn’t have to pretend French fries never happen because, even for nutritionists, they do!

Are you a health hypocrite? Do you have any examples of faking it you’d like to share?