No Megan Kelly, nobody needs to be fat-shamed ever.

Where to begin with this one? Megyn Kelly was interviewing Maria Kang. Remember Maria? A few years back, she was in the bikini, surrounded by her babies,with the “what’s your excuse” caption that made every mom/woman inAmerica hate her? It's funny, the things I said in my post, about Maria, 4 years ago, still hold. Megyn, in a discussion with her about fat shaming. said “sometimes you need to be fat shamed” and described that if she went to the fridge, during law school, she asked her stepdad to say, “where are you going fat ass?”

I am someone who doesn’t ever mince words and I ever had trouble typing that.

There are many ways this could’ve been semi-acceptable. “Everyone needs accountability” or “sometimes you need a reminder” but in the weight, body image space, there’s never a time for shame. Aside from being cruel, it’s ineffective. 

Kelly retracted her statement, or tried to explain it away the following day, after the backlash (no pun intended). Some things can’t really be taken back. Kelly talked about her own struggles with weight and how she’s now in in a healthier place with her food. I beg to differ. She may have dieted, I hear her book is generous in terms of food advice, but if you’re talking about yourself in those terms, you’re not healed. The honest follow-up would’ve been- while I would never call anyone else a fat-ass, I shouldn’t be using that language toward myself. Clearly, we are all still works in progress. There has been excellent dialog, of late. about male-female interactions, what's acceptable and what's not. But women also have to focus on their relationships with women. When you have a big platform, it's just as damaging, to other women, to denigrate yourself, as it is to use those words toward others.
Did you hear about this? Do you think fat-shaming is ever ok? What do you think Megyn's follow up should've been?

What's Your Excuse (for not looking like me)?

 The photo above made its virtual rounds a month or two ago. I thought about blogging about it but didn’t. There was a part of me didn’t feel Maria Kang needed more attention. Then this weekend I received this from a reader.

Hi Lauren - hope you had an amazing Thanksgiving! After a day (ok 2 days) of indulgences, I stumbled across this story in the Daily News. It's definitely a touchy subject but I actually don't disagree with the woman who originally posted "what's your excuse”.  I hear a lot of excuses from friends and family about why they can't eat healthy, can't find time to exercise and after a certain point, it annoys me. A lot. Then guilt kicks in because I feel I'm being judgmental. It's complicated, but I do believe it's not difficult to make small changes that make a big difference! I find the whole thing rather interesting and thought it would be nice to hear your opinion a la blog post.

So here it goes. This woman, Maria Kang, has three young children and looks great. What she doesn’t look is relatable and the whole photo and tagline makes her seem like the mean girl. Her shtick, if you will, is shock. When I was choosing an author photo for the back of my book my publicist said, “if you are attractive and telling others what to eat you better be smiling and sound approachable or you’ll turn people off.” If “What’s your excuse” had a photo of a make-up less mom cooking a healthy dinner with kids carrying on OR had (as in the Nike ad) someone exerting themselves or showing their commitment, it would be different. However, when “what’s your excuse” has a nearly-naked gorgeous young mom, with three cute kids there’s no way I’m feeling inspired, I’m not calling myself on my excuses, instead I’m feeling defensive and angry.

When I heard Maria Kang interviewed she explained a rigorous routine and a difficult back-story. If it were just about the story, I know women would be curious. So this comes down to a matter of messaging. If you want to motivate friends or family members, as the reader above mentioned or simply are seeking motivation yourself, we need to check negativity, shame and our personal habits at the door. You cannot motivate others by saying "look what I do". 

I’ve talked about the importance of positivity and compassion before.

Some other ingredients for behavior change:

Accountability and support: In one Stanford study 1 phone call every 3 weeks resulted in 78% more exercise. Goal setting also helps; Carolyn enlisted me for the Runner’s WorldHoliday Running streak

after first checking to find out if this appealed to me which is key.

Sorting out "why" also matters. We don’t exercise or loose weight “because we should” we have to figure out what’s the reward or connection for each of us. One person’s skinny jeans s another person’s avoiding medication. Sure enough, in a study where women wrote down the things that were important to them they tended to eating less of the tempting but unhealthful foods that were offered in the lab after the exercise than those who did not. After two and a half months, they also weighed less, and had smaller waistlines than the other participants. The difference in the groups applied to both those with normal weight and those who were overweight.

We’re all tempted to judge and label, I know I’ve had moments of that on this blog and many more in real life. It’s OK for the reader and all of us to get judgy or annoyed when others don’t take care of themselves but if our goal is to help them the key is making it about them and keeping it kind. Nothing Maria Kang has said is designed to help others. “I want this to happen for you” or “we all make excuses” would've  been completely different. As for walking around in a sports bra…I have many excuses why I will never don the one black boob, one red if Maria wants to hear.

What motivates you to make health-related changes? Can you think of a person, ad or event that gave you a positive nudge? What do you think of what’s your excuse?”