No Megan Kelly, nobody needs to be fat-shamed ever.

Where to begin with this one? Megyn Kelly was interviewing Maria Kang. Remember Maria? A few years back, she was in the bikini, surrounded by her babies,with the “what’s your excuse” caption that made every mom/woman inAmerica hate her? It's funny, the things I said in my post, about Maria, 4 years ago, still hold. Megyn, in a discussion with her about fat shaming. said “sometimes you need to be fat shamed” and described that if she went to the fridge, during law school, she asked her stepdad to say, “where are you going fat ass?”

I am someone who doesn’t ever mince words and I ever had trouble typing that.

There are many ways this could’ve been semi-acceptable. “Everyone needs accountability” or “sometimes you need a reminder” but in the weight, body image space, there’s never a time for shame. Aside from being cruel, it’s ineffective. 

Kelly retracted her statement, or tried to explain it away the following day, after the backlash (no pun intended). Some things can’t really be taken back. Kelly talked about her own struggles with weight and how she’s now in in a healthier place with her food. I beg to differ. She may have dieted, I hear her book is generous in terms of food advice, but if you’re talking about yourself in those terms, you’re not healed. The honest follow-up would’ve been- while I would never call anyone else a fat-ass, I shouldn’t be using that language toward myself. Clearly, we are all still works in progress. There has been excellent dialog, of late. about male-female interactions, what's acceptable and what's not. But women also have to focus on their relationships with women. When you have a big platform, it's just as damaging, to other women, to denigrate yourself, as it is to use those words toward others.
Did you hear about this? Do you think fat-shaming is ever ok? What do you think Megyn's follow up should've been?

Should wellness companies "promote" alcohol?

I realize she's not a "company" but some find this humor offensive

For some reason, I’ve encountered multiple accounts of sobriety lately. My friend Aidan Donnelley hosted Elizabeth Vargas for one of her “Happier Hour” book events. Elizabeth’s book tells her story about anxiety and alcoholism. Aidan has written about and been fairly public with her sobriety as well. I also read Love Warrior, Glendon Doyle Melton’s memoir. And most recently, a friend turned me on to the Home podcast, specifically an episode about eating and addiction. The nutritionist interviewed tells her story about her issues with alcohol. I think the topic of women and alcohol is an important one. I know, from years of counseling, that for many people alcohol may not be a major problem but it’s not a non-issue either. A lot of clients worry about their drinking, being open and having conversations privately or publicly is vital.

I come to the table from a slightly different vantage point. I like a cocktail. I like making cocktails, I like sharing cocktails with friends and here and there I like a drink after a busy, stressful day. While I often joke about being a Tulanian, my relationship with alcohol is a healthy one. Except for special occasions, I tend to have one drink and could easily go a stretch without a drink depending on my social schedule. I am only describing my habits to present an example of drinking that’s not damaging.

A popular wellness website recently posted a lighthearted quote about wine. I was taken aback by some negative commentary. Some called it irresponsible, others felt it promoted drinking. It’s tricky. I’ve expressed disappointment with celebrities who endorse soda. And if you struggle with food addiction- the barrage of unhealthy food ads can be triggering. While I empathize with anyone struggling with addiction, I don’t think we can expect the world to see things through our lens. Depending on the person, a post or quote about coffee, alcohol or cake will be interpreted differently.

Alcohol isn’t healthy.  I’d love the resveratrol research to turn wine into a health food, it isn’t going to. If you don’t drink, there is no reason to start; however, many of our Foodtrainers’ clients do drink. For some, I suggest cutting back (for starters single digits for drinks for men, less than 7 for women per week). Others want to know the “best” drinks to choose or how to mitigate some of the side effects of alcohol. More often than not, clients are relieved to see that we drink and eat pizza. I’d sort out if drinking is an issue for you. If you’re spending time thinking about that, you probably have your answer. If you’re looking for help cleaning up your food or alcohol act, our Whipping Week sign up started today We’re 2/3 full so grab your spot if you want one.

Curious what you think, should wellness brands “support” drinking?

Have you heard of Fem-vertising? It’s related to advertising.

 Are there people who still watch the nightly news? Friday or Saturday, my son left the room and NBC news was on the TV. I wasn’t watching or not watching. I was on the computer when a segment on a new trend in advertising, called Fem-vertising was discussed. Fem-vertising has to do with pro female campaigns. Fem-vertising surveys have found that more than half of women buy products when they like how their ads present women. Interesting, while I love a good commercial I buy a product because I like the product.

I can appreciate a great story or ad. The ballerina MistyCopeland’s story?  It’s a great story. I think her message is great for young people and honestly great for not-so-young people. Breaking down stereotypes, good stuff. Maybe I’m an advertiser’s nightmare but I had to look up who the ad was for. I have a great running turtleneck from Under Armour, my kids (boys- nobody thinks of young boys in any of this, I guess “they’re boys” and their self image is fine” ..yeah) love their shirts.  I also liked the “run like a girl” spot. Again, forgot this was for Always (maker of “feminine products). Nobody is pointing out the 6 year olds used in a panty liner commercial (weird). Yes, “you throw like a girl” is insulting but the best revenge? Throw well.

I’m also not anti women being sexy, I’m not buying Pepsi (obviously) but the Sophia Vergara commercials were fantastic. Seems 94 percentof women think, ”using women as sex symbols is harmful to the gender.” Really? Can we not be sexy or funny or inspiring? Aren’t all sorts of images what we want to see? I never bought into the brand of feminism that banned sex appeal.  Now if we’re talking women presented like whores? I object. I saw a Viagra commercial this weekend and couldn’t imagine the woman not only pushing Viagra (eek) but rolling around in a bed using her “sexy voice”. Blech.

Don’t get me wrong; I love good messaging whether it’s on a blog post, Instagram, in a magazine or an ad. I just feel we’ve come to far to be condescended to by advertising agencies. I picture  (mostly male) execs in a room strategizing “ooh say this the women will really go for it.” The Dove ads are fantastic but if Dove wants me to buy their products they should work on their ingredients.

Have you heard of fem-vertising? Or seen the Copeland or Like A Girl spots? Do you think it’s positive messaging? Good for women? Or condescending?

Drink your way to success?

Yesterday, a link to this story was sent my way.  The premise of the article is that in order for women to succeed in business they need to drink up. The piece was sent my way with the commentary “so sad that women feel they need to do this.” It is. It’s not as sad as people sleeping their way to the top but I’ve written before about bossy bosses. And so whether it’s “pizza for the team”, a golf outing (maybe drinks trump this option) or whisky this frat-style hazing is alive and “unwell” in corporate America. 

I first heard about this mandatory serious drinking from a client based in Asia. When I’d ask how many drinks we could plan on when she was out for work she’d say “a lot”.  When I’d clarify, “so four, five?” “She’d say “much more.” In many situations it’s not just that you must participate but that you have to participate with gusto. As the article said, “a couple Chardonnays over a three hour period isn’t going to cut it” or so it seems. I don't know what's worse the expectation that you have to overindulge or employees taking apparent pride in their ability to do so.

Peer pressure aside, I find it interesting that what you choose to drink makes a statement. “Drink things typically associated with having a penis. Goodbye Skinny Girl margarita, hello Don Julio.  As long as we’re being crass, I am a fan of these so-called “penis” drinks. I love a scotch or mezcal on the rocks but it does elicit comments. As long as we’re being crass, since when does having a vagina obligate you to order a Cosmo? If you've read LBT you know that these "dude drinks" are the way to go, of course I suggest one a night. It's a good thing I own my own business.

Maybe I’m biased but I don’t think you need to down a pizza, a dozen shots or sink a hole in 1 in order to succeed. But you may need to take a piece of pizza, order a stiff drink and go to the golf outing. I’m all for doing the best job you can but that has its limits.

What do you think of the expectation that you have to go “shot for shot” in order to succeed? Have you felt pressured, as an adult, to eat or drink something at work or socially? How do you handle it?

Who Inspires You

Have no idea how that green border appears but I'm leaving it

Maybe it’s all the Super Soul Sunday I watch or the motivational newsletters I receive; whatever it is I find myself feeling oddly appreciative lately. And since I’m usually the first person to point out when someone is full of it, annoying or scary, I figured I’d write a positive post.  I’m starting to realize that for every anti-smile, pretentious girl out there, there’s someone pretty amazing.

Some of these ladies I know first hand are awesome, for others you can just tell.

I’m inspired by:

Funny

There’s nothing better than funny and nobody I find funnier than Chelsea Handler. Let’s not forget the business she’s built and the books she’s written. And then there’s my friend Jena who’s also a writer and a stand up comedian. Who decides to rope off Starbucks or can make a workout sound this funny?

Athletes

Sure there are professional athletes but I have a few in my midst. My friend Sarah Stanley does things like this “in 2009 completed 13 races, most notably a 100 mile ultra marathon, a 24 team relay, 3 full marathons and one half marathon- all within 5 weeks of each other. She also updated her progress via live updates to Twitter and Facebook.” Or Tricia of Food Matters NYC who periodically sends me emails like the one I received yesterday. “Something totally ridiculous like this race interests me. Have you found an Ultra that interests you?"

Writers

So yes, I wrote a book and love to write but don’t have a method or training. This week I had the pleasure of hearing Anna Quindlen speak about her latest book. My friend Aidan asked her if she had advice for rookie authors. She said “butt to chair” just put your butt in the chair and “just do it”. The inspiration comes when you’re writing. Speaking of Aidan, I’ve never said this but I think my courage to write LBT came in part from watching and reading about her journey writing her first book.

Parenting

I’m realizing more and more as my kids get older how tricky this parenting thing is. I’m reading a book called the Conscious Parent by Dr Shefali Tsabari. My friend Ameena has a fantastic blog and I love that she never sugar coats the parenting journey. She also moved her family across the country, takes great trips and works really hard. And while often I find photos upon photos of children overkill, I love Alysa’s. Aside from taking beautiful photos, her love for her children shines without the bragging that so many parents succumb to.

Gorgeous and More

I know, I know looks shouldn’t impress but looks with charm and brains do. We just saw the movie Blended. Drew Barrymore looks fantastic and real and adorable and she’s 40 or almost 40.

So who inspires you? And what qualities do you find most inspiring? 

Maybe give a shout out today. When I emailed one of my friends and told her about this post she said, “that’s the nicest email ever”.

The Balance Project

Is this balance? If so I'm super balanced, you?

I don't remember my reply when Susie asked to interview me for The Balance Project but it was something to the effect of "get ready for your first mom who knows nothing about the subject". The series of emails showed me who this Susie is and she's awesome. Fortunately for me, the fact that I'm unapologetically out of balance wasn't a problem.  I really enjoyed answering this series of questions.

A little about the project in Susie's words:
 I’ve always been curious—and maybe a little obsessed—about how women I admire do “it all” (or at least try to). So I asked them. And as I suspected, no one really does. Or even really wants to. Every Friday I’ll feature a new interview. Here’s what Lauren Slayton had to say…

Here is the rest of the interview:
Lauren Slayton, Nutritionist
Age: 40
Where I live: NYC
Job: Nutritionist (founder of Foodtrainers) and author of The Little Book of Thin
Ages/genders of kids: 2 boys ages 9 and 11

Is the job you have now the same one you had before kids? If not, how and why did you change directions?
I opened Foodtrainers in 2001 when I was pregnant with my older son (what was I thinking?). Fortunately, it worked out. As the boys got older, I started the blog. And the book sort of fell into place.

Do you think having “it all” is realistic or overrated and why?
I believe in juggling. Having it all sounds off-putting. I want to throw darts at having it all. At the same time I’m grateful for my family, for my business, and now for my book.

What part of “balance” can you just not seem to figure out?
I think part of having your own business sort of means you’re always at work. I envy those people who don’t email on the weekend or who can put their phones away when they get home to their children. I have a hard time turning that mental to-do list off. I also wish I read more, other than the newspaper or Facebook links.

What part of “balance” are you getting better at?
I am getting better at enjoying things. I am getting better at patience. Let’s be real though, I am basically an impatient perfectionist. My mother once said the second you feel you have a good marriage or sing your husband’s praises you will go home and get in a fight, so I’m hesitant to remark on what’s better because all of a sudden it’s not.

What was the best advice you ever heard on balance…
From a mentor/co-worker? I worked with another nutritionist when I was just out of grad school. I was ready to show the world how much I knew, and she pointed out how much people want to be listened to and supported. Despite all the money paid for nutritional biochemistry, you can’t replace support.

From your mother? From my mother and my grandmother I learned what it feels like to be fiercely loved. My mom and I are very different. I love lists and plans but my mom has taught me to “just go.” When I was younger she’d rent out our apartment and rent a house in Spain. When I was contemplating having kids she said “don’t wait until you’re ready or you’ll be waiting a long time.”

From your kids? My kids have shown me what it’s like to love someone so much it hurts and how valuable it is to spend real time. Being at their piano lessons, helping with the homework, those snowy days when we freeze on the way to school—I am cherishing them all.

I should add I cannot stand “it goes by so fast” because that seems so hopeless to me. One client said “every stage is great” and that’s how I approach parenting. Sure, my kids are less adorable at 9 and 11 than they were at 4 and 6 but we can go places and eat anywhere, and I refuse to mourn for the time when they were little—the truth is that was exhausting and horrible at times.

If you had one extra hour in each day and you couldn’t work or be with your family, how would you spend that hour?
An hour? I’d take 15 minutes. I love a bath, I love a book, but I want a whole afternoon with a book. I also love the time to be able to leisurely get somewhere; it feels luxurious.

What would you have told yourself…
20 years ago? To appreciate and protect my skin.

20 years from now? I can’t say but I do hope I don’t let aging and the fear of aging take up too much mind time.

What one part of your home life do you wish you could outsource?
I outsource it all, ha. Really though, I can cook and all of that, I am just not a good cleaner, I swear I’m not.

Whose job do you wish you had?
Travel writing seems sexy.

Whose job are you glad you don’t have?
I almost went to med school, and I’m glad I did not.

Favorite book?
I have so much trouble answering this question; I can never recall my favorites. My favorite writing is usually a little snarky. I love Nora Ephron everything.

What are you reading right now?
Just finished Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell, and I adored it.

Biggest vices…
Activity? Are we talking reality TV? Taxi taking? Yelling?

Food? I am pretty much a nutrition nerd but also love great food. If life had no rules, there would be more cheese, more cocktails, and chocolate that wasn’t always 70% dark.

Website? Oh god, I can get sucked in. I am reformed, but I have spent hours on Reality Steve, there I said it.

How many hours do you generally sleep at night during the week?
I get up at 5-something but I’m usually asleep by 11 if not before. So that’s 6-7, 7 being what I suggest others shoot for.

What do you read every morning?
Instagram. I read the New York Times and The Post daily, but not necessarily in the morning.

Complete the following sentences:
I think I: make myself crazy.

I wish I: could feel proud more often.

My kids: are amazing and I’m not just saying that because they’re mine (or maybe I am).

Do you have a personal motto or favorite saying?
My friend Jen Linn’s passion was fearlessness. I am not there but in moments where anxiety is taking over I try to remove it. I try to enjoy. I try, and I’m not there yet.

Anything else you’d like to add?
Very random anecdote but let me say this… In our 20s we lived across the hall from this couple. She was gorgeous and had a great job and he was gorgeous, had the job, etc. The “perfect” couple, right? My husband and I are both feisty, and astrologers say we’re a nightmare combo, but we’ve been together since ‘93. So we go to dinner with the “perfect” couple and minutes in, she looks at us and says, “Okay guys, admit it, do you hear us fight all the time?” She wasn’t saying they were miserable, but they thought we heard their “imperfection” and we, of course, were convinced they heard ours. Couples fight, kids have issues. I have arrived at the office with one of my puppies’ poop bags in my purse (yup). Someone I met said “I have life envy after looking at your Instagram.” Maybe I should post poop pics.

Be sure to check out the balance project and because I understand the importance of supporting authors and preorders, Susie's book On Grace (I did).

PS I really took this to heart. I had a trip for the book to Chicago this week and rather than picking apart how I did or how successful it was I enjoyed the opportunities and tried to be proud...tried.
Where do you feel you could be more balanced? What's the best advice you received from your mother or family member? Favorite book? Isn't this fun?

Christina Hendricks Says "Full Figured" is Rude, It Is.

I don’t watch Mad Men. It's very hard to fit everything in with the abundance of Food Network/Cooking Channel shows and the reality crap I watch. So I am unfamiliar with Christina Hendricks, her body of work and her body. It was only via Time Magazine I read her quoted as saying “I think calling me full-figured is just rude.” I ripped out that article pronto.

After some googling I found out that Ms. Hendricks is shall we say busty.

 I was then confused, does “full” refer to being buxom or is full-figured a euphemism for fat? One definition described “having an amply proportioned or heavy body”.  Another source said in the fashion world, full-figured is size 12 or above. Ehow had this to say about the full-figured woman “she has thick hips, a rounded backside, large breasts and a non-narrow waistline.” From that it seems full figured is a buxom/overweight combo but they clarify “full-figured does not automatically constitute overweight, many full-figured women are healthy, active and conscious of balanced eating.” And yet thesaurus.com didn’t give me anything close to healthy or balanced eater as a synonym. “Not-narrow” = ouch.

The quote from Hendricks came during an incredibly awkward interview by Australian journalist Kate Waterhouse . Maybe it was jetlag but Hendricks seemed ticked off before full-figured was mentioned. I also couldn’t help but notice that Ms. Waterhouse is tiny and curve-less. Does this matter? It may. I would take a comment regarding my parenting from another mom in the park very differently a comment uttered from a person without children present. I also take issue with the assumption that one wants to be a body type poster child. “You’re an inspiration to full-figured women”. How about being an inspiration for other actresses or simply an inspiration to women?  The question not only assumes Hendricks considers herself full-figured but also that she’s somehow showing other “amply proportioned” women that you can be this size and succeed. Even Ms. Waterhouse’s sweet Australian voice didn’t let her get away with this.

Finally, there’s  the issue that we can say things about ourselves that doesn’t mean others can. I can say I’m moody, obsessive, short or old…but you can’t. If you do, I’ll pull a Christina and tell you you’re rude.
What do you think full figured means? Is someone "non-narrow" automatically an inspiration? Do you think this question was out of line? What would you have done in Ms Hendricks situation? 

Appearance or accomplishments, does it have to be one or the other?

Last week one of the major news stories was that that Hillary Clinton was photographed without makeup. At first it didn’t seen to matter that she was on a trip in Bangladesh where there has been weeks of strikes and violence. The photos spread like non-waterproof mascara. Then came the backlash pointing out the frivolity in Hilary’s “look” as major news. As I read this commentary the resounding message was that in 2012 appearance trumps accomplishments and looks shouldn’t matter…but they do.

Peggy Orenstein, author of Waiting for Daisy and Cinderella Ate My Daughter posted about the Hillary hubbub.

“Every choice a woman makes about her public presentation–how she dresses, how she wears her hair, whether she wears makeup and now whether she botoxes etc –makes a STATEMENT about who she is (as opposed to that statement being made by her actions, ideas, opinions etc) that is judged, scrutinized and held up for public consumption/discussion.”

Why must it be one or the other? Just because we take note of how someone looks does that mean we’re ignoring his or her “ideals and actions”? Isn’t communication part verbal and part non-verbal? Why does it have to be one or the other?

Orenstein goes on to compare the Clinton situation to a New York Times Magazine article exploring the concept of women being “marked.” The original article discusses men able to blend a bit more. Their hair, clothing, even shoes tend to be more similar. There isn’t a typical female hairstyle or singular way to dress. And so each choice a women makes can send a message and lay the groundwork for judgment.  I tweeted to Ms Orentstein

@peggyorenstein enjoyed that piece however some of what makes women "marked" also makes being female interesting and full of choices.

Sometimes women play both sides of the fence. Around the same time Hillary decided to forego foundation in other world news Perez Hilton tweeted @BethenyFrankel says "I’m not too thin". Say what you will about my curiosity but I clicked through and read “There are stories are everywhere that I'm too thin. When will the media see women for their accomplishments instead of their weight and appearance?" Is this question less valid coming from someone whose accomplishments were primarily building a company called Skinnygirl? Can you talk about skinniness and then downplay appearance?

I happen to work in an aesthetics-oriented business. My clients are women in all different professional spheres. Some will mention, “I’m up for a promotion and want to feel good” I see countless examples of the intersection between appearance and accomplishments. Hillary was asked about the photos by CNN and said

"I feel so relieved to be at the stage I’m at in my life right now. Because you know if I want to wear my glasses I’m wearing my glasses. If I want to wear my hair back I’m pulling my hair back. You know at some point it’s just not something that deserves a lot of time and attention." It definitely doesn’t deserve attention that should be focused on international relations and democracy abroad. However, I like that Hillary underscores the choices she has and don’t be surprised if you see her all glammed up in the next pictures that are circulated.
Do you think we focus more on how women look than what they do? Does it matter if it's an image-conscious person or a politician? Is it realistic to say looks shouldn't matter? Or are we going to "look" anyway?
Oh and Ms Orenstein and I exchanged a few tweets. Her hope was that women use these choices to positive ends versus judging other women and being negative.

Why Men Want Women to Eat Mac and Cheese

                                   photo by Simon Mark Smith

Recently I applauded Kim Cattrall’s admission that she watches what she eats as a refreshing departure from teeny celebrities professing their love for burgers and big portions. And then yesterday I got a kick out of an article in the New York Times “ For Actresses, Is Big Appetite Part of the Show?“ on this exact subject.” In this article experts debate the reasons why actresses profess their love of fattening food and why we all want to read about it. It was noted that these declarations appear most often in men’s magazines. Padma Lakshmi, the host of Top Chef, went on to describe women eating a lot as a male fantasy after which the author wrote “two things we need to survive in life are food and sex or love. Food for our bodies, and love for our hearts. So what is better than the archetypical image of a woman eating succulent, dripping, greasy, comforting food?”

OK so let’s forget the words succulent, dripping and greasy (ew). The question I have is: do men find women eating a lot sexy or appealing? My first thought is that men, and by that I mean the stereotypical man who reads these male magazines, wouldn’t find it as sexy if the woman doing the eating was larger or older (see photo for confirmation). This is so hard to say in any remotely politically correct manner but the burger or rib eater’s perceived sexiness most likely determines that degree to which her hefty eating is sexy.

But aside from the idea of women’s eating as sexy or a fantasy, do men like their women to eat a lot? I wonder if you polled 100 men if they would prefer their partners to eat

a) a burger and fries

 b) a burger

c) a salad

d) nothing-

what the majority would say.  As a serious salad eater, it elicits surprise from my husband when I veer from my normal course. And yet I don’t sense any outpouring of desire when my food choices are “greasy.” I can, however, appreciate a good scotch (just one) and love to watch sports and I have a sense that my husband likes these less prissy qualities.  So maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe my salad eating is the equivalent of his toothpaste residue in the sink- something that’s not ideal but not worth making a fuss over. 

And what about the converse, what do women like their men to eat (which just came out so wrong)?  It would make some sense that females who eat healthy fare would like their men to also but I think there’s a fine line here. We want our men, at least I do, to be able to eat healthy food but we don’t want them ordering “dressing on the side.” Amenable but not high maintenance, that sounds about right.

Slender women chowing down (as if they do it daily) is no different from the super skinny woman with giant boobs or the actress shown waking up in the morning perfectly made up and coiffed. There’s something a little hard to believe about each of these examples. The irony is that hot-to-trot Kim Cattrall, was the most honest about all of this and who’s sexier that she is?

Does your partners food choices turn you on or off? Do you think a woman eating unhealthy food is sexy to men? What would you do (ladies) if your husband ordered “dressing on the side?”