Do you guilt eat?

 I’ve written about peer pressure before and “bossy bosses”.  Guilt eating is similar but generally speaking in this case the person gifting or offering food has good intentions. I hear instances of guilt eating all the time. Just this week “My mom left this morning! After she left, I filled a trash bag with all of the English muffins, chips and dessert she had so graciously bought me :)”

Good that the “trash” was tossed. I’m not 100% convinced bringing these foods to an adult “child” is the best idea but you see the pull. Mom thought of me and arrived with these foods, it was so nice of her.  Yes, to an extent it was, feel that gesture.

Or, this one is even more tricky and loaded, “my kids had made cinnamon chip cookies which my daughter "invented” she had to make up a recipe for school...how could I not have one?”

Are you ready? Neither mom’s kindness nor this child’s creativity are ignored if we don’t consume the food. Acknowledge the emotion “thank you so much for taking time to bring these” OR “tell me what you put in these cookies”. It will not create an eating disorder in your children if you say “let’s put this in a container, I’m going to have it tomorrow as my treat” or “those look amazing but I’m not hungry right now.” You see, show enthusiasm and graciousness but only eat the said food if you really want to. It's your choice and your guilt or lack thereof. Make sense?

Do you guilt eat? In what situations? 

Drink your way to success?

Yesterday, a link to this story was sent my way.  The premise of the article is that in order for women to succeed in business they need to drink up. The piece was sent my way with the commentary “so sad that women feel they need to do this.” It is. It’s not as sad as people sleeping their way to the top but I’ve written before about bossy bosses. And so whether it’s “pizza for the team”, a golf outing (maybe drinks trump this option) or whisky this frat-style hazing is alive and “unwell” in corporate America. 

I first heard about this mandatory serious drinking from a client based in Asia. When I’d ask how many drinks we could plan on when she was out for work she’d say “a lot”.  When I’d clarify, “so four, five?” “She’d say “much more.” In many situations it’s not just that you must participate but that you have to participate with gusto. As the article said, “a couple Chardonnays over a three hour period isn’t going to cut it” or so it seems. I don't know what's worse the expectation that you have to overindulge or employees taking apparent pride in their ability to do so.

Peer pressure aside, I find it interesting that what you choose to drink makes a statement. “Drink things typically associated with having a penis. Goodbye Skinny Girl margarita, hello Don Julio.  As long as we’re being crass, I am a fan of these so-called “penis” drinks. I love a scotch or mezcal on the rocks but it does elicit comments. As long as we’re being crass, since when does having a vagina obligate you to order a Cosmo? If you've read LBT you know that these "dude drinks" are the way to go, of course I suggest one a night. It's a good thing I own my own business.

Maybe I’m biased but I don’t think you need to down a pizza, a dozen shots or sink a hole in 1 in order to succeed. But you may need to take a piece of pizza, order a stiff drink and go to the golf outing. I’m all for doing the best job you can but that has its limits.

What do you think of the expectation that you have to go “shot for shot” in order to succeed? Have you felt pressured, as an adult, to eat or drink something at work or socially? How do you handle it?

The Manhattan Diet: Manhattan Women Don't Get Fat

Part of what I consider market research is to periodically peruse the diet section of my local Barnes and Noble. No matter how farfetched a book’s concept is I like to familiarize myself with it. This past weekend, I grabbed a stack of seemingly interesting books and crouched in a window seat overlooking Broadway. I had zero intention of purchasing any of them and briefly thought of Borders going bankrupt and felt a little guilty but continued. I flipped through the first two books; incredibly bored I put them to the side. Next, I opened The Manhattan Diet. Twenty minutes later, I was still reading and decided to do the honorable thing and buy the book.

Eileen Daspin, the author, and self-confessed dieter since age 12, thought of the concept for the book when she heard that Manhattan was the thinnest of New York’s boroughs and the “skinniest of all the sixty-two counties in New York State.”  She proceeded to interview the city’s  svelte-est to distill their habits into something others could learn from or emulate.  I constantly hear from clients "I have a friend who eats _______." this is a compilation of those vignettes. One reviewer on the back cover said, “The Manhattan Diet is French Women Don’t Get Fat meets Sex and the City.”

Some Manhattan Diet tenets:

Be a Foodie- Daspin describes New Yorkers clamoring for reservations at ABC Kitchen or Red Rooster and yet thinking about every morsel they eat. So we differ than the French in that weight is on the radar. However, the similarity is that much of the food Daspin describes isn’t processed, low fat or flavor free. As I read on though, the book seems to have trouble combining the concepts don’t deprive yourself and be extremely weight conscious. Is it “don’t deprive yourself” or “don’t look like you’re depriving yourself”?

Obsess (in a good way) some of the best parts of this book are the portraits of various New Yorkers and their eating and exercise regimes. There are a lot of different approaches but Daspin writes, “The single common thread I’ve been able to discern on this subject is the amount of time they [New Yorkers] spend thinking about eating.” I hear from clients that they wish they didn’t think about food and weight so much. I think this thinking is actually fine as long as it’s positive and leaves you feeling good.

Walk Everywhere- there is no doubt that urban living necessitates walking in a way suburban living doesn’t. Daspin talks about the amount of walking New Yorkers do to get groceries or the subway. She also notes that as you walk down a city street it’s natural to compare yourself to those around you.  I’m all for walking but have plenty of thin Manhattan friends who can make it through a full day while only logging a block or two “taxi please”.

Live in Tight Quarters- Daspin suggests than Manhattanites spend time outside and more active because living space is small. Additionally small refrigerators necessitate small containers that result in eating less. I was intrigued reading this but with talk of CEO’s and butlers in The Manhattan Diet are we really supposed to believe space is such an issue?

Work out when you’re not walking or working or eating at great restaurants many of Daspin’s profiles are of busy, accomplished women. One woman wakes up at 5 to do the Intensity DVDs and another takes three children to school crosstown on scooters. You also hear about the cult that is Soul Cycle and a description of that sign up process “it’s 11:45 in Monday morning and women up and down Manhattan are poised at their laptops. Hand on trackbar, each is clicking anxiously hoping to get a spot.” Exhale, Pure Yoga and Punch also get shout outs.  There’s an exercise as lifestyle message that was interesting to read about.

Choose Thin Friends- it’s well documented that you’re more likely to be overweight if your friends are. Well there’s such thing as positive peer pressure too. Daspin doesn’t expect you to dump your friends; she mentions group exercise classes and stores with communal dressing room to reap the benefits of healthy competition.

It may not sound like it but I enjoyed this book. It’s well written, thoroughly researched and entertaining. Daspin lives in my neighborhood so, like Sex and The City, when you see your markets, workouts and favorite restaurants dished about it’s fun. And just as people from far and wide fell in love with Carrie and her crew you don’t have to be a Manhattanite to eat like one or enjoy this book.

I do have a few issues (I’m a Manhattanite issues are mandatory). First, I don’t know this is a diet book in the sense that people will purchase it and follow it. It’s just a couple of days since I read TMD and I had to look back to recall the advice. The food’s suggested weren’t any I hadn’t heard of. Additionally, I’m not a fan of the concept of eating like someone just because they’re thin. I have thin friends who never work out or eat poorly or smoke (two friends you’ve been called out). Does the end justify the means? If the “end” is small enough, in Manhattan it just may. And finally, of course some Manhattan women get fat, please.

Have you heard of this book? If you live in Manhattan, can you vouch for Daspin's tips? Do you observe the habits of your fit friends and behave similarly?

Seven Links, Five Great Blogs No Partridge or Pear Tree

from Istock, I don't have that much free time.

In the early days of this blog, I read a post on a friend’s well-established blog (AKA as blog people actually read and enjoy) about meeting some of her blogging friends. At that point blog friends was as foreign a concept as having a blog people actually read. After a year and 10 months, no need to age the blog prematurely, I have a blog that some people seem to enjoy and as of a week ago I also have blog friends. These friends aren’t just virtual friends, we met face to face. Ameena of Fancy This Fancy That, Sam of Mom at the Barre and I had lunch at Candle 79 and I’m now convinced that in this world of screens you can meet lovely, smart people.

I was flattered when Sam nominated me for 7 links.  I hadn’t heard of 7 links before but have loved reading some of my favorite blogs 7 links.  To quote Sam:

The "My Seven Links" project has been going pretty strong for the past week or so. In a nutshell, its goal is to unite bloggers from all sectors in an endeavor to create a bank of posts that deserve to be re-read.

Rules are as follows: Blogger is nominated. Blogger publishes his or her 7 links on his or her blog. Blogger then nominates five more bloggers to take part. And the cycle continues.

On the 7 links website it advises participants “don’t overthink”.  There’s no way that was going to happen. I found it interesting to go back and read old posts. There were posts I’d love to edit, posts I forgot I wrote and a good year of posts I’m fairly certain nobody else read. So here it goes:

My most beautiful post-some of my best ideas come from my clients who I see in our Foodtrainers offices each week. I have fantastic clients some of whom I've known for a long time. This was a post I wrote about one of my favorite clients and the special gift she gave me at a hard time in her life.  

My most popular post-was a recent post. It was viewed a lot though readers did not necessarily agree with me.  I realized with this post and a few others that it’s much more fun to receive comments where readers disagree with me and make me think than when they say “loved this.” It's still totally fine to say "loved this." I never take comments personally and love nothing more than a good debate (well I may love a good massage a little more).  If you haven’t read this, see what you think- and feel free to let me have it.

My most controversial post may have been the post above but this one was controversial for its subject matter. I have no issue talking about bowel movements or any bodily functions but this was me writing about it. Since then I wrote another Potty Talk post as well.  

My most helpful post- is a hard one to pick. There are a lot of food situations that trip us all up. In this post I responded to a clients hysterical 911 email from a bachelorette party. My advice holds for any food situation involving peer pressure

Post whose success surprised me- this is a post people always comment on. I hate fast food but found myself in a blizzard on an interstate with two hungry children and an exhausted husband and food supply. I caved and wasn’t happy about it. No fast food since (it was 2009) or hopefully ever again because, as I described, it makes me feel so ill.

Post that didn’t get the attention it deserved- it’s hard to give something attention when you don’t know what the thing is. So while I’ll single out one post, there were about a year’s worth that went unread or were only read by about five of my dearest friends. And of those posts, after rereading them, there are many that don’t deserve your attention.  There’s one, however, I think you should know about and that’s TIDEI. TIDEI stands for Tweet It Don’t Eat It. Clients email us all the time seeking our help and this extends our reach to twitter. Simply tweet @Foodtrainers I’m walking by the Mr Softee truck trying to ignore it #TIDEI.  We’ll respond with advice as needed. It’s fun, try it.

Post I’m most proud of- professionally I take pride in helping people make important changes in their lives; however, I’m most proud of my family (so sappy I know). I ‘ve talked about my boys and Marc but wrote a post for each of my boys. This technically makes 8 links (and yes I overthought that) but here was the one I wrote Weston last year and this year for Myles.

And my nominees are:

Camille and Sarah @ Svelte Gourmand

Lauren @ Running Dialog

Andy @Small Bites

Dr Ayala @ Herbal Water

Shari @ My Judy The Foodie

I should mention I've also met the adorable Erica Sara through this blog. I am wear my 26.2 "race bling" she designs with pride. 

What’s the strangest place you’ve ever made a friend? Do you have any posts you’ve especially liked or disliked on this blog?  Did you read any of my 7 links? Be honest.

Peer Pressure and Brutal Bridesmaids

This past week, a 16 year old American sailor activated a distress signal from the middle of the Indian Ocean. This emergency beacon told others she was in trouble and in need of help. Abby Sunderland has since been rescued and is well aboard a French fishing boat. A couple of days after Abby’s cry for help one of my nutrition clients activated her own distress signal. Though perhaps not fearing for her life, I’ll let you be the judge, this devoted Foodtrainers client was trapped in a sea of belligerent bridesmaids at a bachelorette party weekend.

Her email sent to me on Saturday night follows:

I need some help these girls are brutal, some quotes:
This morning, bagels all around. No other options. I passed for my protein bar.
Me: wow those bagels look good
Bridesmaid 1: you should eat one, you're on vacation, and it doesn't count
Me: no thanks, I'm going to be good. (Proudly) I haven't had a bagel since January!
Bridesmaid 1: oh please all the other shit you ate last night, way worse
Me: speak for yourself (I didn't snack or drink at all)
Bridesmaid 1: yeah, I watched you shove that sausage down your throat, that's way worse than a bage
*Note: I did eat one, 3" turkey sausage over mixed green salad, no dressing...Seriously though??

Ordering apps at dinner
Me: wow these apps look good
Bridesmaid 2: this diet you’re on is unhealthy
Me: well I feel like I'm making healthy choices; it’s just that everything looks so good
Bridesmaid 2 (yelling): well I think its fucking ridiculous and mentally unhealthy
Me (calmly): yea well you don't have my problem, can you please stop
Bridesmaid 2: whatever

On passing on potato skins
Me: no thanks
Bridesmaid 3, pointing to the plate: this area doesn't have bacon
Me: no thanks
Bridesmaid 3: is it you don't like bacon or can't have bacon, because I would think there are a lot of worse things u can have than bacon...
Me: I don't like bacon
Bridesmaid 4 (in an extremely rude tone): I highly doubt you will BLOW up if you have ONE BITE, seriously?
Me: (shocked, I had no comment for that one, but I might cry)

I just need some moral support, these are just a few of the harsher comments, but it’s been non-stop since I got here. Never mind the peer pressure over not drinking during the day (it’s been going on since mimosas at breakfast) WTF?! Lauren - don't put this on your blog LOL (she since gave me permission).

Peer pressure certainly doesn’t end in high school. It exists for adults and can take many forms. Generally peer pressure has less to do with not partaking in a certain food, drink, drug or trip than how your refusal, of whatever it is, makes the others feel. While this email was particularly detailed (and amusing) I hear versions of this from other clients both male and female, young and old. A few pointers for peer pressure:

• Don’t call attention to what you are doing. While my client, we’ll call her B (for bridesmaid) was complimenting the food and not being negative her “that looks good” may have alerted others that she wasn’t eating it. Simply having the protein bar for breakfast may have been more discrete.
• Make an excuse. Instead of saying “I never eat food x, it’s unhealthy and terrible for you.” Say “I’ve been working out hard” or “food x doesn’t really agree with me.” You only need the excuses if questioned. I feel if someone can put you on the spot, you can fudge things a bit.
• Plate it. In many situations a good strategy is to take some of the bagels or potato skins or whatever food others are eating on your plate. I’ve found people notice if you pass on something but do not notice if you don’t finish (or even start) it. Sure, this is a little risky for the person trying to lose weight.
• Pick 1 treat a week. Although it may not seem the case from B’s report above, Most Foodtrainers clients feel they can survive any eating situation. They have budgets for carbs and alcohol and can plan to use these throughout the week. Clients also have one treat a week. If you are away and know there will be fried clams or birthday cake or anything else not Foodtrainers-approved clients can partake when appropriate. It’s sometimes easier to refuse one thing when you are indulging in another.
• And finally, don’t eat to please others. If you have a bagel or bacon or loaded potato skin it should be because you want to eat it and it looks good to you, not because others say “it doesn’t count.”

And what was my reply to B Saturday night? I told her to say strong. I also said “in my professional opinion you should have a shot of tequila (no sweet mixers) and go for a run in the morning." Sure enough, B sent me the photo above she snapped during her run. And if you look closely enough you can see where she pushed bridesmaids 1, 2 and 3 off the cliff. Like Abby Sunderland, B is now safe and sound and happy to be at work eating a salad.

Stay tuned (and sign up if you haven’t) for our June newsletter where we announce a very exciting way all of you can activate food-related distress signals and have Foodtrainers come to your rescue!
Have you experienced food-related peer pressure? How do you handle it? Any amusing anecdotes to share?