I’m so happy I was pregnant and had young children before Instagram

A close friend of mine is a psychiatrist (I’ll refer to her as M.D.) but she’s too professional to ever discuss her sessions. I do wonder if she’s encountering anything like:

M.D: Take me back to where this all started

Patient: Well, l I was in the womb.

M.D. And you have memories from this time?

Patient: I don't need memories, it's all on my mother's Instagram. 

M.D. Tell me more…

Patient: My mother documented her pregnancy, with me on social media. The legs over head to conceive, the WHOLE pregnancy, my bris (close up). It's all there for everyone to see.

M.D. So, she posted those “15 weeks, 16 weeks updates?

Patient: No, it is even more embarrassing than that. She counted hourly- it was “360^th hour, 361^st and so on.

M.D. And what is your first actual first memory?

Patient: It was my birthday, I was turning 3.

M.D. And you had a party or received a present?

Patient: Yes, there was a party and a beautiful, birthday cake. Guests sang happy birthday, I blew out the candles and there was clapping but my mom wasn’t happy, I didn’t know it, at the time but she didn’t like the photo. So, we did it again, not the whole party but the candle, the singing, the clapping. All I wanted was to taste my cake but we had to get the right photo.”

It’s cringe worthy for me, and it could just be me or that I’m at another stage, but the details and minutia of a pregnancy, then baby stages and then perfectly posed toddlers, I can’t. And I actually can’t. a) I don’t like to post too many photos of my kids as I don’t think people really want to see them and b) my kids would object, they’re of age now to do so. Are they kids or are they photo props? Correct me, if I'm wrong, but do any of you enjoy endless photos of pregnant friends or their children? Granted, most of my photos are of food. And I am guilty of postponing meals to document a photogenic salad or smoothie. And I have friends who roll their eyes at the meal pics. To each their own…. I guess.

Do your munchkins need munchkins?

Not my boys, boys- I promise

It's a little tricky when you're a mom and a nutritionist. Sadly, I tend to keep my mouth shut when out of the office (when it comes to food-related matters, mouth rarely shuts in general). I say "sadly" because so much of what kids eat at school and after school is pretty crappy. And if that "kids are kids" argument popped into your head, I will say that this "kids are kids" thinking has resulted in a crap overload. And ironically after parenting for 13 and a half years, I can say no where is this junk-a-thon more prevalent that in children's sports.
* 13 year old asked "what am I getting for my half birthday" I said "nothing" and he sulked.

I shouldn't single these out but I will

So, after years of appalling food and sports incidents: one coach felt a pile of candy bars at halftime was a good idea, cookies when games end at noon (how about lunch or a pizza perhaps) or the millions of munchkins my boys have been presented with, I received this from my son's new coach
"I'm thinking of doing away with the snack schedule, each family can bring a snack and water for their own child." I don't dance but mentally the happy dance was happening. I posted this on Facebook and one commenter (of I think 25) said "what did your son think?" The truth is he didn't mention it and we went to lunch following the game. My son was psyched that the team did well which tends to be his area of focus. I will take competitiveness over sugar and not to worry my kids have sugar and burgers and fries.

But you see I have two children. The following week the typical email from a parent showed up in my inbox,  "I'm setting up the team snack schedule, please let me know..." In years' past I would've obligingly picked a date and use it as an opportunity to bring something like this

Or

And before you label me as "that mom" I will tell you that these are generally devoured. My theory is that kids almost roll their eyes at the cookie (that isn't usually a great cookie) or above donuts.
This year, encouraged by the other coach, I said "just throwing it out there but on another team the coach felt snacks weren't necessary, any thoughts?" I received a civil reply that said "I think snacks are something the kids like BUT I will poll the group and get back to you." I wasn't optimistic but waited. In the interim I posted the incident on Facebook. Many parents were worried about being the "mean mom" or "getting dirty looks" if suggesting healthy snacks or snacklessness. But guess what? The snack scheduler emailed "I didn't hear back from any parents so I'm going to scratch the snack schedule, everyone can bring their own."

The moral of this snack story is, voice your opinion to a league or coach or fellow parent. You'd be surprised that many parents are either happy their children aren't having constant crap OR relieved not to have to run out on a Saturday to get snacks for an entire team, "one more thing to think about" one mom said. Wherever you stand on nutrition, getting to the right field at the right time with your child and water should be enough.
Do you recall sports snacks growing up? Do you think I'm being a "mean mom"? I mean I am a mean mom but let's focus on snacks...

Do you guilt eat?

 I’ve written about peer pressure before and “bossy bosses”.  Guilt eating is similar but generally speaking in this case the person gifting or offering food has good intentions. I hear instances of guilt eating all the time. Just this week “My mom left this morning! After she left, I filled a trash bag with all of the English muffins, chips and dessert she had so graciously bought me :)”

Good that the “trash” was tossed. I’m not 100% convinced bringing these foods to an adult “child” is the best idea but you see the pull. Mom thought of me and arrived with these foods, it was so nice of her.  Yes, to an extent it was, feel that gesture.

Or, this one is even more tricky and loaded, “my kids had made cinnamon chip cookies which my daughter "invented” she had to make up a recipe for school...how could I not have one?”

Are you ready? Neither mom’s kindness nor this child’s creativity are ignored if we don’t consume the food. Acknowledge the emotion “thank you so much for taking time to bring these” OR “tell me what you put in these cookies”. It will not create an eating disorder in your children if you say “let’s put this in a container, I’m going to have it tomorrow as my treat” or “those look amazing but I’m not hungry right now.” You see, show enthusiasm and graciousness but only eat the said food if you really want to. It's your choice and your guilt or lack thereof. Make sense?

Do you guilt eat? In what situations? 

Madonna Badger and Organic Food

Do you remember the Madonna Badger story? She’s the woman who lost her three young children and her parents in a house fire on Christmas 2011. Just typing that sentence left a pit in my stomach. I cannot or do not want to even contemplate loss and grief on that level. I listened to a recent interview she did and a couple of things stuck with me. I have a great book I was planning on sharing today but that can wait.

Madonna talked about her pain. She was in the hospital for a while following the fire but eventually she was faced with the daunting process of continuing to live. She talked about numbing out and said she couldn’t shoot heroin or drink to numb the pain. She had to feel the pain. She had to feel the pain in order to heal and she had to accept that this pain wasn’t going to go away. How many of us numb out with drinks or food or just going and doing nonstop in order to avoid something? Maybe, as Madonna said, the avoidance is even more difficult than the feelings.

Toward the end of the interview Madonna was reflective. She said she wished she knew then what she knows now. I’m paraphrasing but she said organic food doesn’t matter. She repeated saying sure it’s good but the deadline at work or getting kids into great schools or eating organic doesn’t really matter. I knew what she meant and I felt her words. All of the details we consume ourselves with are luxuries. We think about organic or weight because things are moving along in that semi predictable way everyday life does. However, are we doing the things that are even more important? Are we listening to what our children or parents say? Are we feeling what we need to feel and showing up to the celebrations or lessons and really being there?

This resonated with me as I put my kids to bed. The extra minutes they were up past bedtime seemed sort of meaningless. I will sit with them for breakfast this morning versus rushing around the kitchen and yes it will be an organic breakfast.

Did you recall the Madonna Badger story? Do you tend to "numb out"? Is it possible to stay connected to those truly important things? Can we care about the little details and still be present, honest etc? 

The Balance Project

Is this balance? If so I'm super balanced, you?

I don't remember my reply when Susie asked to interview me for The Balance Project but it was something to the effect of "get ready for your first mom who knows nothing about the subject". The series of emails showed me who this Susie is and she's awesome. Fortunately for me, the fact that I'm unapologetically out of balance wasn't a problem.  I really enjoyed answering this series of questions.

A little about the project in Susie's words:
 I’ve always been curious—and maybe a little obsessed—about how women I admire do “it all” (or at least try to). So I asked them. And as I suspected, no one really does. Or even really wants to. Every Friday I’ll feature a new interview. Here’s what Lauren Slayton had to say…

Here is the rest of the interview:
Lauren Slayton, Nutritionist
Age: 40
Where I live: NYC
Job: Nutritionist (founder of Foodtrainers) and author of The Little Book of Thin
Ages/genders of kids: 2 boys ages 9 and 11

Is the job you have now the same one you had before kids? If not, how and why did you change directions?
I opened Foodtrainers in 2001 when I was pregnant with my older son (what was I thinking?). Fortunately, it worked out. As the boys got older, I started the blog. And the book sort of fell into place.

Do you think having “it all” is realistic or overrated and why?
I believe in juggling. Having it all sounds off-putting. I want to throw darts at having it all. At the same time I’m grateful for my family, for my business, and now for my book.

What part of “balance” can you just not seem to figure out?
I think part of having your own business sort of means you’re always at work. I envy those people who don’t email on the weekend or who can put their phones away when they get home to their children. I have a hard time turning that mental to-do list off. I also wish I read more, other than the newspaper or Facebook links.

What part of “balance” are you getting better at?
I am getting better at enjoying things. I am getting better at patience. Let’s be real though, I am basically an impatient perfectionist. My mother once said the second you feel you have a good marriage or sing your husband’s praises you will go home and get in a fight, so I’m hesitant to remark on what’s better because all of a sudden it’s not.

What was the best advice you ever heard on balance…
From a mentor/co-worker? I worked with another nutritionist when I was just out of grad school. I was ready to show the world how much I knew, and she pointed out how much people want to be listened to and supported. Despite all the money paid for nutritional biochemistry, you can’t replace support.

From your mother? From my mother and my grandmother I learned what it feels like to be fiercely loved. My mom and I are very different. I love lists and plans but my mom has taught me to “just go.” When I was younger she’d rent out our apartment and rent a house in Spain. When I was contemplating having kids she said “don’t wait until you’re ready or you’ll be waiting a long time.”

From your kids? My kids have shown me what it’s like to love someone so much it hurts and how valuable it is to spend real time. Being at their piano lessons, helping with the homework, those snowy days when we freeze on the way to school—I am cherishing them all.

I should add I cannot stand “it goes by so fast” because that seems so hopeless to me. One client said “every stage is great” and that’s how I approach parenting. Sure, my kids are less adorable at 9 and 11 than they were at 4 and 6 but we can go places and eat anywhere, and I refuse to mourn for the time when they were little—the truth is that was exhausting and horrible at times.

If you had one extra hour in each day and you couldn’t work or be with your family, how would you spend that hour?
An hour? I’d take 15 minutes. I love a bath, I love a book, but I want a whole afternoon with a book. I also love the time to be able to leisurely get somewhere; it feels luxurious.

What would you have told yourself…
20 years ago? To appreciate and protect my skin.

20 years from now? I can’t say but I do hope I don’t let aging and the fear of aging take up too much mind time.

What one part of your home life do you wish you could outsource?
I outsource it all, ha. Really though, I can cook and all of that, I am just not a good cleaner, I swear I’m not.

Whose job do you wish you had?
Travel writing seems sexy.

Whose job are you glad you don’t have?
I almost went to med school, and I’m glad I did not.

Favorite book?
I have so much trouble answering this question; I can never recall my favorites. My favorite writing is usually a little snarky. I love Nora Ephron everything.

What are you reading right now?
Just finished Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell, and I adored it.

Biggest vices…
Activity? Are we talking reality TV? Taxi taking? Yelling?

Food? I am pretty much a nutrition nerd but also love great food. If life had no rules, there would be more cheese, more cocktails, and chocolate that wasn’t always 70% dark.

Website? Oh god, I can get sucked in. I am reformed, but I have spent hours on Reality Steve, there I said it.

How many hours do you generally sleep at night during the week?
I get up at 5-something but I’m usually asleep by 11 if not before. So that’s 6-7, 7 being what I suggest others shoot for.

What do you read every morning?
Instagram. I read the New York Times and The Post daily, but not necessarily in the morning.

Complete the following sentences:
I think I: make myself crazy.

I wish I: could feel proud more often.

My kids: are amazing and I’m not just saying that because they’re mine (or maybe I am).

Do you have a personal motto or favorite saying?
My friend Jen Linn’s passion was fearlessness. I am not there but in moments where anxiety is taking over I try to remove it. I try to enjoy. I try, and I’m not there yet.

Anything else you’d like to add?
Very random anecdote but let me say this… In our 20s we lived across the hall from this couple. She was gorgeous and had a great job and he was gorgeous, had the job, etc. The “perfect” couple, right? My husband and I are both feisty, and astrologers say we’re a nightmare combo, but we’ve been together since ‘93. So we go to dinner with the “perfect” couple and minutes in, she looks at us and says, “Okay guys, admit it, do you hear us fight all the time?” She wasn’t saying they were miserable, but they thought we heard their “imperfection” and we, of course, were convinced they heard ours. Couples fight, kids have issues. I have arrived at the office with one of my puppies’ poop bags in my purse (yup). Someone I met said “I have life envy after looking at your Instagram.” Maybe I should post poop pics.

Be sure to check out the balance project and because I understand the importance of supporting authors and preorders, Susie's book On Grace (I did).

PS I really took this to heart. I had a trip for the book to Chicago this week and rather than picking apart how I did or how successful it was I enjoyed the opportunities and tried to be proud...tried.
Where do you feel you could be more balanced? What's the best advice you received from your mother or family member? Favorite book? Isn't this fun?

Post Sandy: Lessons Learned

drop off point at a local restaurant

I have a super snack to tell you about but I’ll hold off until Thursday because there are a few things about the whole NYC marathon fiasco still bugging me. The marathon is one of my favorite events, I love the stories, the challenge involved and of course New York is my home. The conspicuous generators and finish line are right across from the Foodtrainers offices and as I walked to work post Sandy the signage and set-up seemed so inappropriate. It all hit close to home. While, in the end, the marathon was cancelled there are important lessons to be learned.

Don’t Let Others Make Your Decisions

Before the city cancelled the race, I heard from clients slated to run the marathon.  Each of these runners, who trained long and hard, came to the conclusion that they would not run. Many said things like “it doesn’t feel right” and others hadn’t had power or had been relocated. Regardless of what the city said they were out. In the blogosphere and on Twitter and Facebook there was another sentiment. “The city decided the race was on and they must know what’s best.” Really? If the city thinks it’s ok to gas up thousands of buses while people wait in line for hours, they know best? If the city thinks it’s in good taste to start, as planned, on Staten Island blocks from where people lost everything, they know best? If the city thinks we should close roads and bridges for a road race, while trains are still out of order and traffic a mess, they know best? The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics tells me artificial sweeteners can be part of a healthy diet (don’t get me started).  I understand if you’re not seeing the news coverage or live in another country but if you were here in the city, as I am, you know better than that. In the end we all make our own decisions.

Hobbies are Hobbies

For many, the marathon is an incredible journey that takes commitment and dominates your life for months. There’s a part of marathon training that forces you to be selfish. I’ve trained for races that didn’t happen because of weather or injury and though initially upsetting, you realize that it’s just a race. For the vast majority of those scheduled to run Sunday running isn’t their profession. I tweeted that running for most people is a hobby and received some replies “no to me it’s so much more” and in all of these tweets “me” figured prominently. People didn't want to let go of their training and their mission to see what was happening around them. This advice is coming from a prodigy in petty but there are times when that’s all trumped. The New York Post said, “In the long haul you can always go for a run. You can’t always have your dignity and your life.”

Let Voice Be Heard

The mayor’s  “the race will go on” mentality was challenged by writers, politicians, police officers and publications who knew it wasn’t right and made their voices heard. I’m sure those who follow my tweets or FB posts may have been annoyed by my marathon-related messaging but it bothered me until the word “cancelled”. Whether it’s related to Sandy or Prop 37 good things can happen when you really believe in something and speak up. Some people, even some good friends, didn’t like that I suggested running was selfish or that resources, despite NYRR’s claims, were being diverted (and proof of that was Mary Wittenberg’s announcement that port-o-potty’s and generators would be redistributed to storm victims not that they were diverted). I hope that once you get over the personal disappointment you see the bigger picture, the sad picture that endures for so many in this area.

Lessons for Children

It shouldn’t take a national disaster for our children to learn some things but in our case it did. I wish I could tell you my boys were excited to make packages for firefighters, clean up the park where they play soccer or walk bundles over to donate. Initially they weren’t but they soon realized this is what you do. We’re also talking about what we can do for our planet and the weather we experienced. The thought of another Sandy should remind us that climate change is real, despite what many people have told us. We now know better.

What do you feel were the lessons learned from Sandy? Other than The Red Cross, any organizations helping out others should know about? Any thoughts on the marathon fiasco?

Some ideas:

Foodbanknyc

NYC Food Trucks for Sandy