Is this sabotaging your weight loss?

sometimes yes, sometimes no

I’ve spent hundreds, maybe even thousands of hours uttering phrases like, “stop beating yourself up” or “don’t be so hard on yourself.” And, chances are, I'll happily spend thousands more. Not only is self-criticism unpleasant, it also hurts you in the weight loss department. Let’s face it “you suck” and all its variants isn’t going to motivate you to do anything well. I think one of the most important things we do for clients, at Foodtrainers, is cheerlead a bit (the only form of cheerleading I’m on board with). Let's fixate on the positive...to a certain extent.

You want to know what’s just as bad as being too hard on yourself? It may surprise you because being too easy on yourself isn’t strategic either. Every week I ‘Foodstalk” a group of clients. These clients send me a report every night and I respond in the morning. This past weekend, a client we’ll call “A”, as in anonymous, send me a food log. It wasn’t a pretty one. I am always glass half full for others but there were no fruits, no veg, mostly fried and white foods. Usually, if a client goes off there “off-ness it is outweighed by their on-ness. So, if there’s a slip, there are many other things that show effort. Anyway, A commented “could’ve been worse.” If this wasn’t a pattern for A, I would’ve said nothing. However, “could’ve been worse” is not going to help A reach her goals.

So, I took a deep breath and said “I have to disagree.” Sure, it could’ve been worse but if your child gets a C- but could’ve received an F, you’re not going to look at the bright side. I don’t believe in perfection but you have to raise the bar to a level that is realistic yet leaves you progressing and pleased. Because I’m sexist when it comes to food behaviors, I’ll have you know that men subscribe to this “could’ve been worse” mentality more often. I explained to A the places I felt she could've improved things and the advance planning that would've helped

As often happens, A emailed me “you’re so right” when I take a step back there are a lot of things I could’ve done better. The point is not that I'm right but that, when pointed out, A realized a little effort would've helped a lot

In case you think I was mean. I’ll let you know that “better” would’ve been 1 or even 2 glasses of wine instead of 3 and skipping fries with the lobster roll. Fair? Anyway, it's National Tequila day don't be too hard or too easy on yourself, whatever that means for you. 

Should I see a nutritionist? I mean, shouldn’t I be able to do this on my own?

Our waiting room

Recently, I received an email from a longtime client, who I hadn’t seen in a few months.
She was emailing for an appointment but expressed frustration at not being able to manage things (food things) on her own. This is a legit question but one that’s not asked of other experts. We don’t try to do therapy on our own. We see trainers for years at a time. It’s understood that our minds and bodies are long-term projects. Why do we pressure ourselves to be "done" with nutrition?

At the same time, we do try to build a degree of independence in our clients. Most Foodtrainers’ clients start out coming weekly, move to every other week and then to once a month. Clients, who tweak their nutrition continuously, tend to fare better than those who come in intensely, disappear and then resurface with the common refrain, “I should have come back sooner.”

After all these years, it’s not a matter of being sell-y”.  I know what works. If we start to see nutrition the way we do personal training, gym going, therapy, hair coloring (I was trying to think of repetitive appointments), waxing etc. we’ll mitigate feelings of guilt and really feel better.

Do you guilt eat?

 I’ve written about peer pressure before and “bossy bosses”.  Guilt eating is similar but generally speaking in this case the person gifting or offering food has good intentions. I hear instances of guilt eating all the time. Just this week “My mom left this morning! After she left, I filled a trash bag with all of the English muffins, chips and dessert she had so graciously bought me :)”

Good that the “trash” was tossed. I’m not 100% convinced bringing these foods to an adult “child” is the best idea but you see the pull. Mom thought of me and arrived with these foods, it was so nice of her.  Yes, to an extent it was, feel that gesture.

Or, this one is even more tricky and loaded, “my kids had made cinnamon chip cookies which my daughter "invented” she had to make up a recipe for school...how could I not have one?”

Are you ready? Neither mom’s kindness nor this child’s creativity are ignored if we don’t consume the food. Acknowledge the emotion “thank you so much for taking time to bring these” OR “tell me what you put in these cookies”. It will not create an eating disorder in your children if you say “let’s put this in a container, I’m going to have it tomorrow as my treat” or “those look amazing but I’m not hungry right now.” You see, show enthusiasm and graciousness but only eat the said food if you really want to. It's your choice and your guilt or lack thereof. Make sense?

Do you guilt eat? In what situations? 

Should you think about food all the time?

Last week a client came in for her first follow-up session. She recapped her week and said, “I feel like I’m thinking about food all the time, should I be?” I have to say I hear this a lot. I dug a little and a lot of this client’s food thoughts were of the planning variety. She also had a little insecurity over whether she was doing all of this right. I reassured this client. “You’re learning a new language and it’s not second nature yet. Of course it’s taking up mind time.” And then the follow up “not to worry, over time I don’t want you thinking about food 24/7 but some degree of forethought is always good.”

Not all food thoughts are created equal.

I was sent this link about a disorder called Orthorexia. This article questions this diagnosis as being anti healthy, conscious eating. I feel differently. It’s one thing to vet the foods you put into your body. It’s another if situations where you cannot control food choices are completely avoided or if food concerns outweigh food pleasure. It’s a fine line. Even some of the criteria for orthorexia sound a lot like things I recommend…planning your food day etc. My advice is that the more on top of healthy eating you are, the less you should be thinking about food. I tend to think the most destructive food thoughts are when food is off.  I’d take deliberation over guilt any day. Only you know if your food thoughts are bringing you sanity or stress.

Would you say you think about food a lot? Are these thoughts generally positive or negative? What’s your feeling on the disorder orthorexia?