Is this sabotaging your weight loss?

sometimes yes, sometimes no

I’ve spent hundreds, maybe even thousands of hours uttering phrases like, “stop beating yourself up” or “don’t be so hard on yourself.” And, chances are, I'll happily spend thousands more. Not only is self-criticism unpleasant, it also hurts you in the weight loss department. Let’s face it “you suck” and all its variants isn’t going to motivate you to do anything well. I think one of the most important things we do for clients, at Foodtrainers, is cheerlead a bit (the only form of cheerleading I’m on board with). Let's fixate on the positive...to a certain extent.

You want to know what’s just as bad as being too hard on yourself? It may surprise you because being too easy on yourself isn’t strategic either. Every week I ‘Foodstalk” a group of clients. These clients send me a report every night and I respond in the morning. This past weekend, a client we’ll call “A”, as in anonymous, send me a food log. It wasn’t a pretty one. I am always glass half full for others but there were no fruits, no veg, mostly fried and white foods. Usually, if a client goes off there “off-ness it is outweighed by their on-ness. So, if there’s a slip, there are many other things that show effort. Anyway, A commented “could’ve been worse.” If this wasn’t a pattern for A, I would’ve said nothing. However, “could’ve been worse” is not going to help A reach her goals.

So, I took a deep breath and said “I have to disagree.” Sure, it could’ve been worse but if your child gets a C- but could’ve received an F, you’re not going to look at the bright side. I don’t believe in perfection but you have to raise the bar to a level that is realistic yet leaves you progressing and pleased. Because I’m sexist when it comes to food behaviors, I’ll have you know that men subscribe to this “could’ve been worse” mentality more often. I explained to A the places I felt she could've improved things and the advance planning that would've helped

As often happens, A emailed me “you’re so right” when I take a step back there are a lot of things I could’ve done better. The point is not that I'm right but that, when pointed out, A realized a little effort would've helped a lot

In case you think I was mean. I’ll let you know that “better” would’ve been 1 or even 2 glasses of wine instead of 3 and skipping fries with the lobster roll. Fair? Anyway, it's National Tequila day don't be too hard or too easy on yourself, whatever that means for you. 

Do you have metabol-envy?

Yesterday, I sat with a friend and she said if she could have one wish it would be to be able to eat whatever she wanted and not gain weight. I clarified “you mean instead of your family being healthy or world peace?” She said “well one wish or thing I could change about myself.” I think I believe that last part. The truth is,  I hear all about these friends, siblings or coworkers who can eat whatever they want.  I’ve sent the majority of session consoling clients over metabolic diversity (or injustice in their eyes).  “I have to work so hard at this” or “I am eating the salad while they are having fries” I’ve heard it all and have a few things to say about these “everything eaters”.

• Oftentimes, they don’t always eat like this. Think of the celebrity with a giant burger or ice cream cone. Many people eat differently out versus at home or on weekends versus weekdays. And many don’t want to appear to watch what they are eating.

• Chances are they will not be able to eat this way forever. When twenty-something clients tell me about their French toast ordering friends, I tell them to wait a few years.  Forty has a way of leveling the metabolic playing field. And know that’s it’s most difficult for people to watch their weight who have never had to think about it.

• Everything eaters have arteries too. I worry about the insides of naturally thin people. I actually told my friend with the wish above that even if I could eat anything without gaining (and I can’t and never could) I would still drink green juice and eat wild salmon. Part of me likes it but part of me also likes how I feel and knowing I am taking care of my health (hello family history of heart disease).

• At the end of the day, metabol-envy is just envy. There will always be someone who is taller, richer and more successful. Focusing on them really takes us away from our game.

If I have any form of envy it’s confidence envy. I would love (though maybe not since I turned 40) to be the person who parades around in a bathing suit or feels no need to cover up. My friend gave me some advice about this one. She said it’s all about practice. People who are super-comfortable on the beach aren’t generally on the beach a handful of days a year. So I'm off to plan a beach trip where I will watch what I'm eating. I have no problem being that person.

Do you have metabol-envy? Do you know an “everything eater”? If you could change one thing about yourself/your body what would it be?