When it comes to kids and weight, is it always best to shut your mouth?

In the time I’ve been practicing nutrition I’ve become a mother twice (three times if we count Bronco). I’ve seen clients have children and younger children grow up. I’ve had clients refer their parents to me and of course parents “urge” children, of all different ages, to start Foodtraining. The weight dynamic within families is something Carolyn and I spend a lot of time sorting out.

Last week, I read a letter a father submitted to Social Q’s in the Times. His letter opened with “my 9-year-old daughter is fat” ouch, no mincing words with that sentence. The father felt his daughter was old enough for a dialog about making good choices and indicated that his wife disagreed. “She worries about the effect on our daughter’s self-esteem.” Philip Galanes blasted the father in his response. He pointed out the father’s bluntness, lack of apparent love and interest in how his daughter’s weight reflected on him. He warned this father that he would increase the chances of developing an eating disorder. While I cannot think of many things worse than telling a child they’re “fat” I feel many parents are so scared of “creating an eating disorder” that they often say nothing.  While cruel, critical parents can fuck children up – ignoring food and weight has its own consequences. 
Some advice:

You are likely “that kind of parent”

Every parent who calls my office opens with “I’m not one of those crazy parents”. Of course they are, we all are. Most parents worry and don’t always say things in the best way, our thoughts aren’t always pure.  Do some work (perhaps with your own expert) to sort out how your “stuff” around food affects your parenting. Did you have a parent that was weight obsessed? Or critical? Have you struggled with body image and want to shield your children from the same? Are you embarrassed to have a chubby child? You must be clear on this in order to really help your children.

Cook and teach your children to cook (or assemble)

There are few things better for kids and teens than home cooking. Not only is home-cooked food overall healthier, it’s less salty and sweet and doesn’t invite overeating as takeout or restaurant food does. And whether it’s putting peanut butter on a banana or making an omelet, simple cooking skills will encourage children reaching for healthier items versus packaged snacks. And do what you can, if this can only happen on the weekends, that’s a start. If the person cooking with your child is a babysitter or grandparent- that’s totally fine.

Outsource

The exact same advice will be interpreted differently depending on who it comes from. Whether it’s a nutritionist, psychologist or doctor (though I have to say many pediatricians are a bit too cut and dry when discussing weight for my taste), it’s best that someone else suggests steps to take. Parents can support the advice provided by an expert.

And finally, choose honesty over political correctness

With everything our children are exposed to do you really think you can avoid the weight/size topic?  If you’ve struggled with your weight, discuss this with your children. Ask your children how they feel about their size (height, weight etc.) and depending on their response ask if they want help making changes.

And, for the record, I have a weight issue in my midst. Bronco is overweight. And my babysitter gets upset with me with I call the Boston Terrier “fat”.

Nobody Looks at You That Closely

I have an eyebrow lady. In case you thought bikini waxers were sadistic my eyebrow lady threads. I can’t tell you the exact technique, because my eyes are usually closed, but she extracts each errant eyebrow hair with a spool of thread suspended between her hands as if she’s ready for a game of cat’s cradle on my face.

 And as if this process isn’t awful enough, my eyebrow lady is a tough cookie. “You know, I could make your eyebrows beautiful if you didn’t tweeze between visits,” she concluded recently. “You mean at all?” I smelled a challenge but worried about my compliance. “That’s pretty hard, once I get in that magnifying mirror…”

Eyebrow lady (Shashi at Columbus Circle location of Shobha) had uncovered by dependency “Lauren, nobody looks at you that closely” she said pushing her hand flat up against her face to demonstrate. “That’s your problem”.  While I hadn’t anticipated a hair removal resolution, I took a vow of eyebrow abstinence, paid for my lecture/torture and left.

On my way to the juice place (seems I am still that 5 year old who received Pine Bros honey cough drops after the pediatrician, I like a reward for my pain) I thought about eyebrow lady’s somewhat wise words “nobody looks at you that closely”. Whether an eyebrow hair or underarm hair, the little extra that hangs over the side of your (ok my) jeans or those hangnails- I’m unconvinced our friends, coworkers or partners notice. They’re too busy think about their own hair, “extra”, ignored grooming or other issues.

So, I could tell you that I went home, unplugged the millionX mirror and that was that (not unlike the bathroom scale interventions I hold with clients) but that’s not what happened. I used the mirror to apply makeup and found myself newly obsessed with my dry skin but more accepting of my eyebrows (I call this vice swapping) but did not tweeze. Yesterday, I arrived for my threading appointment. Eyebrow lady was in the back when I checked in but I took a seat in her dentist-like chair. “You’re ready for me,” she said as she walked up.” “Yes, I’m ready for my compliments” I told her and smiled. I let her do her thing but couldn’t contain myself “so, what do you think?” I asked. “Well they’re not perfect yet but I’m excited, much better.” From the year that eyebrow lady and I have known each other, I knew this was high praise. It’s hard enough to feel good about ourselves but less time under the magnification and a little encouragement certainly made me feel better.

Do you use a magnifying mirror? Does it drive you crazy? Do you think others notice the little things we nitpick about ourselves? And have you been threaded?