Yes, I noticed Renee’s new face and I’m not agist

At some point yesterday afternoon one of my FB friends posted about the actress formerly known as Renee Zellweger (“you had me at hello” or Bridget Jones). I am not exaggerating when I say I didn’t think the photos were really of Renee Zellweger. The biggest change is that her formerly squinty eyes are now larger (can one get an eye transplant?). I found this all change sort of unbelievable, shocking and strange. What was equally insane was the backlash or should I say ‘facelash” that ensued.

Shortly after the photos were circulated, the in defense of Renee pieces rolled out. Time magazine told us to “leave Renee Zellweger’s face alone” to which I tweeted back “if only Renee had followed that advice”. And there was this tweet

“The ‪#ReneeZellweger outrage is another example of how women's bodies are seen as a public commodity to be mocked and shamed for looking wrong” I felt some sort of a need to rebut that one too. “Give me a break she isn’t being shamed for looking wrong, she is unrecognizable.” Others felt this whole surgery debacle was the result of her having been criticized for her looks but this was also a woman lauded for her looks on countless magazine covers. Are we really to blame for her NEW face? 

From Buzzfeed “Plastic-surgery shaming is thus tantamount to blaming the victims of this ideal for working so hard to achieve what we’ve told them, for decades, they must do.”

What’s with all this alleged shaming? Can we not notice something without playing the shame game? Renee went to a plastic surgeon- nothing wrong with that. She came out looking like another human being (not a less ideal human just a different one) I don’t claim to know the backstory here. Could it be a procedure gone wrong? Sure. Is there something sad about this distinctive face no longer existing? I think so. But this notion that saying anything about a public figure’s appearance is sexist or agist needs to go. I loved this comment on one of the posts “It's not "unfeminist" to notice a *whole new face.*

What do you make of Renee's new face, the media coverage etc? 

Nobody Looks at You That Closely

I have an eyebrow lady. In case you thought bikini waxers were sadistic my eyebrow lady threads. I can’t tell you the exact technique, because my eyes are usually closed, but she extracts each errant eyebrow hair with a spool of thread suspended between her hands as if she’s ready for a game of cat’s cradle on my face.

 And as if this process isn’t awful enough, my eyebrow lady is a tough cookie. “You know, I could make your eyebrows beautiful if you didn’t tweeze between visits,” she concluded recently. “You mean at all?” I smelled a challenge but worried about my compliance. “That’s pretty hard, once I get in that magnifying mirror…”

Eyebrow lady (Shashi at Columbus Circle location of Shobha) had uncovered by dependency “Lauren, nobody looks at you that closely” she said pushing her hand flat up against her face to demonstrate. “That’s your problem”.  While I hadn’t anticipated a hair removal resolution, I took a vow of eyebrow abstinence, paid for my lecture/torture and left.

On my way to the juice place (seems I am still that 5 year old who received Pine Bros honey cough drops after the pediatrician, I like a reward for my pain) I thought about eyebrow lady’s somewhat wise words “nobody looks at you that closely”. Whether an eyebrow hair or underarm hair, the little extra that hangs over the side of your (ok my) jeans or those hangnails- I’m unconvinced our friends, coworkers or partners notice. They’re too busy think about their own hair, “extra”, ignored grooming or other issues.

So, I could tell you that I went home, unplugged the millionX mirror and that was that (not unlike the bathroom scale interventions I hold with clients) but that’s not what happened. I used the mirror to apply makeup and found myself newly obsessed with my dry skin but more accepting of my eyebrows (I call this vice swapping) but did not tweeze. Yesterday, I arrived for my threading appointment. Eyebrow lady was in the back when I checked in but I took a seat in her dentist-like chair. “You’re ready for me,” she said as she walked up.” “Yes, I’m ready for my compliments” I told her and smiled. I let her do her thing but couldn’t contain myself “so, what do you think?” I asked. “Well they’re not perfect yet but I’m excited, much better.” From the year that eyebrow lady and I have known each other, I knew this was high praise. It’s hard enough to feel good about ourselves but less time under the magnification and a little encouragement certainly made me feel better.

Do you use a magnifying mirror? Does it drive you crazy? Do you think others notice the little things we nitpick about ourselves? And have you been threaded?

Thinism

“You’re so fat, you must eat a lot.” Are you cringing? You might be because nobody with a speck of sensitivity would every utter those words. On Friday I read a post on Erica Sara’s blog that got me thinking. Erica wrote about a recent experience that was rather hurtful. Someone said something to her about her eating and her size. This person didn’t know Erica personally. They didn’t know about Erica’s marathon running or her cooking. They didn’t know that she practices yoga. They probably didn’t know how much their words would sting. They might have thought the rules were different because Erica is a thin person.  Somehow, “you’re so thin, you must not eat” is acceptable. Why is this?

I see nutrition clients all week long at my NYC office. Oftentimes, in initial sessions with new clients I’ll hear “you don’t have to think about this because you’re thin.” Or “it must be nice you don’t have to workout.” Or my favorite, similar to Erica’s experience “do you eat?” I know full well these clients wouldn’t probe similarly with a doctor or therapist or other professional who was heavy. Over the years, I have grown thick-skinned to these types of questions. I used to feel embarrassed and utter some incoherent, self-deprecating reply. Now, I generally say something like “I practice what I preach” or “I work hard to stay in shape” which generally reassures them.  I am less offended by comments about my size than the insinuation that there’s no work involved. I think there’s a way to be curious about someone’s size without being critical. “What do you do for exercise?” Or, “do you watch what you eat?” are better ways of saying the same thing.

It’s unfortunate but we all size people up. We look. We look when someone’s very heavy and we look when they’re too bony and we look at people somewhere in the middle. I know full well from what I do that you can’t judge someone’s success or peace of mind by their weight and that feeling good in your skin doesn’t have a size. I also feel it’s probably harder to walk in an obese person’s shoes than in my shoes. Overweight people are the subject of more ridicule than thinner people.  I just don’t think it’s ok to be mean.

Why do you think sizist comments are more acceptable when the recipient is thin? Why do you think people make comments like the one that hurt Erica? Has anyone said anything inappropriate to you about your size? Is it ever appropriate to say anything?

P.S. Not only was Erica the author of our Pot of the Week post, she makes amazing jewelry including my “race bling” marathon necklace.