Nobody Looks at You That Closely

I have an eyebrow lady. In case you thought bikini waxers were sadistic my eyebrow lady threads. I can’t tell you the exact technique, because my eyes are usually closed, but she extracts each errant eyebrow hair with a spool of thread suspended between her hands as if she’s ready for a game of cat’s cradle on my face.

 And as if this process isn’t awful enough, my eyebrow lady is a tough cookie. “You know, I could make your eyebrows beautiful if you didn’t tweeze between visits,” she concluded recently. “You mean at all?” I smelled a challenge but worried about my compliance. “That’s pretty hard, once I get in that magnifying mirror…”

Eyebrow lady (Shashi at Columbus Circle location of Shobha) had uncovered by dependency “Lauren, nobody looks at you that closely” she said pushing her hand flat up against her face to demonstrate. “That’s your problem”.  While I hadn’t anticipated a hair removal resolution, I took a vow of eyebrow abstinence, paid for my lecture/torture and left.

On my way to the juice place (seems I am still that 5 year old who received Pine Bros honey cough drops after the pediatrician, I like a reward for my pain) I thought about eyebrow lady’s somewhat wise words “nobody looks at you that closely”. Whether an eyebrow hair or underarm hair, the little extra that hangs over the side of your (ok my) jeans or those hangnails- I’m unconvinced our friends, coworkers or partners notice. They’re too busy think about their own hair, “extra”, ignored grooming or other issues.

So, I could tell you that I went home, unplugged the millionX mirror and that was that (not unlike the bathroom scale interventions I hold with clients) but that’s not what happened. I used the mirror to apply makeup and found myself newly obsessed with my dry skin but more accepting of my eyebrows (I call this vice swapping) but did not tweeze. Yesterday, I arrived for my threading appointment. Eyebrow lady was in the back when I checked in but I took a seat in her dentist-like chair. “You’re ready for me,” she said as she walked up.” “Yes, I’m ready for my compliments” I told her and smiled. I let her do her thing but couldn’t contain myself “so, what do you think?” I asked. “Well they’re not perfect yet but I’m excited, much better.” From the year that eyebrow lady and I have known each other, I knew this was high praise. It’s hard enough to feel good about ourselves but less time under the magnification and a little encouragement certainly made me feel better.

Do you use a magnifying mirror? Does it drive you crazy? Do you think others notice the little things we nitpick about ourselves? And have you been threaded?

Before and After Photos

While there is perhaps a province in which the photograph can tell us nothing more than what we see with our own eyes, there is another in which it proves to us how little our eyes permit us to see.  ~Dorothea Lange

When I got home from work last week, a stack of photos sat on the kitchen counter. It’s funny to see real photos now since all images now generally live on our computers and phones. The pictures came from the marathon Marc and I ran in Sept. While that wasn’t the most pleasant race, if there was one part of the it I felt energized it was the finish. Despite the near-death experience, when I felt the finish line near I got that burst of energy. I “finished strong” or so I thought. You see, my father in law bought a disposable camera and snapped a few action shots of each of us finishing. So now I have evidence that there wasn’t even one salvageable moment on that marathon day.

If a picture were worth a thousand words the first five of those words for these photos would be would be ungraceful, pained, awkward, squat and disheveled. I’ve talked about race photos before and I'm not being harsh. Most people dislike race photos. I honestly can’t believe there are companies (ahem Brightroom) that try to profit from the sale of these images.  I think it would be good for my business to advertise on their website. “This is how you really look, not to worry there’s help out there, who ya gonna call Foodtrainers.” It’s just ironic that you train and presumably get in shape for these races…apparently not, at least not according to these images. At least mug shots are only from the shoulders up.

Later that night,  my 7 year old had a homework assignment. He was to find a picture from when he was a year old and write about it. Does the teacher expect him to recall events at 18 months? And if not who does she think is doing this “writing”? Regardless, we sat at the computer and pulled up Picasa. W. clicked on Puerto Rico pictures. As he scanned through photos, I remembered the boys at 1 and 3 wearing water wings and chasing lizards. As I reminisced a photo pops of the boys and me at the edge of the ocean. They’re jumping over the waves and I’m watching. My back is to the camera so basically you see my butt and thighs. I zeroed in ready to pick myself apart and realized something. If this were someone else’s’ body parts I would’ve thought they looked fine. Pale and pasty but passable.  I smiled as we moved on to other photos.

I am not sure if the camera adds 10 pounds, Slate.com explains “distortions will be introduced any time you try to project a three-dimensional object onto the two-dimensional surface of a photograph. (Just compare globes with maps, which always make things look a little funny.)”  With race photos so universally hated I tend to think there's something up. However, sometimes looking back I feel I looked better than I remember. It’s the same thing as clients telling me in retrospect they “weren’t really overweight”. It’s a pity we can’t appreciate it more in the moment. They say pictures don't like but maybe they do or maybe we lie to ourselves. Hard to tell.

When you look back at photos, do you criticize yourself or think you looked well? What are your favorite pictures of yourself? Why do you think it’s often hard to appreciate our bodies or looks in the moment? And how gross are race photos?