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| Would be sort of nice if there weren't a million people, a roof overhead and germs lurking |
We all go through life assuming we are good people. Perhaps I should only speak for myself. I have always felt I was a good friend, a good daughter (year 14 an understandable pubescent exception) and a good mother. I have also believed I was an introspective person, some would even say deep. These assumptions have been shaken in the past week and I’m now thinking I’m sort of shallow and selfish too.
A year and a half ago I started yoga. It took a while but I grew to love it. It has been the one time where I don’t think about my to-do list or potential blog topics and always feel great afterward. I’ve made some progress too though I know it’s non-yogi to think in those terms. Recently a new barre class was added to the schedule at the yoga studio I go to. I had been doing Core Fusion prior to yoga and liked it and liked the results. Lately, with running and yoga (and a looong ski season) I had been feeling a little thicker. I tend to feel this way as my running picks up. Well I tried the Figure 4 classes and after a couple of weeks saw the difference. I felt leaner and lengthened and I liked it. Given the choice I was picking Figure 4 over yoga and chided myself for this. I am still doing yoga twice per week but I’m not so proud of my reasoning. I’m choosing body over mind and skinny over sane; it seems I’m not so deep after all.
So I headed into the weekend, newly aware of my shallowness only to find out I had other poor qualities lurking. My husband and a friend of ours were doing a triathlon. There were not many great local lodging options and they decided it would be fun to stay at this “family friendly” (scary words) resort. It wasn’t my first choice but I went with it. The kids would love the activities and we were only a 20-minute drive from the race location. Saturday morning the boys were begging to go to the waterpark, yep waterpark at the hotel. Marc said he would take them over as I was doing some "work" and I would meet them. Our friends and their kids headed over too.
When they got there Marc emailed a few pictures. The boys were having a blast. I opened a picture and saw my friend Diane smiling away about to go down the big water slide. I was going to go over and meet up with everyone but I wouldn’t be participating. At 7 and 9 my kids can finally go alone though they also would’ve loved mom coming too. It wasn't going to happen. I was in a hoodie and shorts while my friend greeted me with a huge grin and non-skid pool shoes! I posted on Facebook “am I a bad mother for not going on waterslides with my kids? Tell me what you think, I’m still not going.” I loved one friend who said, “I would rather have a colonoscopy,” I completely agreed.
Many of us strive toward self-improvement. I have built a business around this. Yet I’m also a fan of being realistic and feel it is important to, as the Greeks said, “know thyself.” It seems my self is shallow and selfish. Oh well.
Ever realize you weren’t as great in certain respects as you had hoped? What’s your Achilles heel? Are you shallow? And would you go on the waterslides: germs, crowds, swimsuit and all?
I can totally relate to this post, but I honestly feel that our selfish-leaning ways are a result of our culture. Why else would health and fitness be such a booming business in the least healthy of countries? People want to be "fit" for a variety of reasons, most of which, for so many of us, are related to vanity. We diet and exercise so that we can be happy with what we see in the mirror, which is often unrelated to our spiritual selves that yoga tries to tune us into.
ReplyDeleteI'm no exception: I'll admit to being somewhat shallow (and given the opportunity, I'd do Figure 4 more often!). Guess I'm a victim to my culture? Sigh. Oh, and I'm not a mother but I would probably weasel my way out of waterslides and anything not-fun when possible. Hopefully I'll get over this in time... I've got at least five years, I hope!
I sometimes find that I'm comparing myself to other students in yoga classes, annnnnnd, I am a yoga instructor. How's that one for ya?
ReplyDeleteMy mother never got in the water with us when we went swimming (bathing suit fear, perhaps?) She never went skiing, either. However, she would always be there with a towel and sunscreen, and would always have a table reserved in a busy ski lodge when we were done skiing. I don't think engaging in activities you don't want to do makes you selfish and shallow. It makes you quite fabulous!
ReplyDeleteYou are so not shallow, and all of us have a touch of selfish, no shame in that. My mother-in-law has told me that my desire to not have children is the ultimate sign of my selfishness (we don't have a great relationship), and I'm very ok with that. I'd rather be aware of myself than be a bad parent.
ReplyDeleteWater parks are NASTY places. We went to one in S. Missouri 12 years ago. We saw 5 or 6 different "white power" tattoos, and a friend came home w/ a parasite that his doctor said was rarely found outside of south America. I'm taking two young cousins to a water park in Dallas this week, and I'll be sitting on the sidelines reading while I pay a former student to do the real babysitting.
I don't think caring about your body and how it looks is shallow. I think I have said this before on your blog, but when we feel great we are great in other areas of our lives. No shame in that. As for being selfish, I have learned that nobody is going to take care of your needs or make you happy, but yourself. You are a great Mom and sometimes you need to put your needs first. As for water parks, they are so gross and I wouldn't be caught dead barefoot going down one of those slides. I am not a parent, but you need to draw the line somewhere.
ReplyDeleteAmanda for the record I ski and go on roller coasters and my water park aversion isn't the swimsuit. Waterparks are actually great for the ego as one piece suits rule and many are skirted. It's the chlorine and the crowds, the togetherness that I can't stand. I like to be at the end of the beach past the people, pools are fine if it's my family only. I am a snob too.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to the yoga vs. another workout conundrum. I was only doing yoga and Core Fusion for a year - a year of taking it very easy on purpose - I recently upped the ante, adding a couple weekly runs and The Refine Method to my regime and suddenly yoga has totally gone to the wayside. I do love the way it makes me feel - not to mention the health benefits, but I am an endorphin junkie at heart. I too struggle with my justifications of choosing a body-sculpting, calorie burning outlet over yoga as it is so "results" oriented and I know it goes against so much of what yoga cultivates. Ciest la vie. It's good to be self aware. And, if that includes noticing when you are being less than altruistic, so be it.
ReplyDeleteI have no desire to go down a waterslide. Thankfully I still have a few years before that becomes an issue!
ReplyDeleteI have been doing the same thing. I have chosen body over mind for the past few years but lately I have been wanting something more. So I am going to try to get back into yoga but again, I'm hoping for a more athletically charged class!
Like Cameo above, I too am an endorphin junkie at heart....
Yeah, I'd have to agree with you! Crowds and germs at the pool...not so fun!
ReplyDeleteWhy do you think I continue to throw out lunge challenges? Not because I love lunges, but because I love the way they give me strong legs and a bit of a booty. I think if you see results with one kind of workout, it is totally natural to keep wanting to do it...even if it's not your favorite.
ReplyDeleteI am here to vouch that you are neither shallow nor selfish!! But you are great at prioritizing, and some things are going to inevitably end up at the bottom of the list. You bend over backwards for your kids so in the grand scheme of things, that water slide isn't making or breaking your disposition. And speaking of bending over backwards, you are still doing yoga- mixing it up with the Figure 4 is good for the body and mind. This is random but my achilles heel is re-making the bed (putting on the sheets, putting comforter in duvet, pillow in cases, etc.) after going up and down the stairs doing laundry. Here I am feeling productive (and like a good gf) with the laundry, but I hate to finish the job and often leave it for Michael. I don't know whether that's more selfish, lazy, or mental.
ReplyDeleteOMGoodness... I feel the same way. I'm not into crowds.
ReplyDeleteI would say that the area I feel I could most improve on is giving my kids my FULL attention. I am always busy doing something, whether it's work, responding to emails, laundry, cleaning, bills, etc... There are many days when I feel very selfish because I have this need to get "stuff" done before I can stop working.
But I guess the fact that I am conscious of it is a good thing so I can change.
I've heard a million times that kids grow up fast and to enjoy them while their little!
oops.. I mean while they're little
ReplyDeleteLisa I agree. I think there's good selfish and bad selfish and even having the sense you want to give kids more attention is a good (and non-selfish) thing. I cannot believe how much my kids enjoy when I sit while they have breakfast. Actually I think everyone responds to full attention.
ReplyDeleteoh I am like you hate water parks they had fun right so its all good
ReplyDeleteYour quoting of the Greeks with "know thyself" fits the topic perfectly. Knowing what we want to do, what we don't want but still want to push ourselves to do, and what our non-negotiables we just don't do items are = wisdom in my book. You seem like you have priorities and wisely find ways to keep them.
ReplyDeletelauren -- I totally understand the waterpark thing -- they're too crowded for me. I'd rather go to the beach, at night, when hardly anybody is there.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Amy -- you know what you want, and that's important. I think it's okay to be selfish in the way that you are -- taking care of your body is good, and if you think about it, it's helping you stay healthy so you can take better care of your kids. It's also probably good for your mind, too, because if you did yoga, you would be thinking the whole time about how you'd rather be working up more of a sweat and not enjoying yourself. I think it's important to enjoy yourself. Imagine if you did EVERYTHING for everyone else and nothing for yourself? Then you wouldn't be who you are today. I think keeping things in perspective, knowing yourself, and finding balance and confidence and satisfaction is important.
Lauren, totally agree. I think admitting certain things are needed for balance or even that we don't like or enjoy things is hard.
ReplyDeleteMy brother was listening to a song last night, and one of the lyrics is, "I'm only deep enough to re-a-lize that I am shallow" - made me laugh because I had just read this post! (added dashes to signify cadence:)
ReplyDeleteI think everyone has their shallow moments but that's why we're all human. I don't think yuo're selfish for not wanting to go on the waterslide...although, I would def be the first one in line!!
ReplyDeleteI totally relate to what you said about Figure 4 vs. Yoga! I too have noticed a difference in my body by going to Figure 4 and thus am choosing to attend those classes over yoga. I have always prided myself as being a centered, level headed, spiritual person and have attributed a lot of that to my yoga practice. And now I am ditching all of that for leaner thighs?????? Come on!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou know I struggle with this all the time. I feel selfish and shallow on a daily basis. But the truth is that I bet your kids had a fabulous time as you beat yourself up about not going to a bacteria-ridden waterpark. I wouldn't do it either. I won't go to any amusement parks any more as a matter of fact. It just isn't in me and I realize that Maya can have a much better time with her dad who doesn't think about all the other people who touched this or that with their dirty fingers.
ReplyDeleteIn essence, I feel your pain. I'm right there with you!
Sue- can't we be centered and have thin thighs? Is that too much too ask? OK I'll take the thighs. And Ameena, I'm with you. Is it better to have mom around complaining or fun dad letting you do anything, eat anything and touch anything?
ReplyDeleteI think you are being way to hard on yourself! We all have our selfish and shallow moments, but that doesn't define who we are, and I'm sure you're an amazing mother, daughter, wife, and friend. I would have gone to the waterslide park {I'm not too germ phobic}, but there are plenty of things my kids have wanted me to do that I haven't. Oh, and there's nothing wrong with picking one exercise over another if you feel it gives you the body you want to have :-)
ReplyDeletelove this! ah yes i realize i am not as great many times a day.....don't be too hard on yourself though and realize that life is too short to worry too much about the little stuff.....enjoy!
ReplyDeleteI often choose a barre class over a yoga class. I think in the end what matters is to choose what ultimately makes you feel better. And, for me, it's often the barre class...
ReplyDeleteI used to think that I had to participate in every single activity with my kids. In fact, that's what I did with my older son for a long time. But then I realized that it's okay to say no once in a while if I really didn't want to do something and that it actually made me a happier and better person...
I think you're being a bit hard on yourself. I think its great that you recognize you have body composition preferences and I think you should honor that because its going to make you feel good in the end. The same thing goes with the kids. If you need time alone to recharge and reflect you might feel better in the end and put your best self forward when you are present. Doesn't make you shallow if you need time apart. Thank you for sharing, Lauren :-)
ReplyDeletepublic pools completely give me the heebie jeebies. and indoor (or outdoor for that matter) waterparks are even worse. i was nannying in europe and went to a waterpark...where there were women going topless...imagine seeing a woman with pierced nipples and hands raised in the air ready for the slide. ewwie.
ReplyDelete