Friday, April 13, 2012

Is There A Stigma Surrounding Watching Your Weight?


Wednesday’s post ended up focusing on whether behavior change should be sweeping or small but I started out discussing the gap that sometimes exists between how we want to be (in my case patient and go with the flow) and how we really are (maybe uptight and rigid is extreme but close enough).  Today, I was talking to a client about her plans for the week. She mentioned a luncheon and I asked her certain questions “will there be wine served?” “will there be a set menu or will you choose?” “Do you plan to taste dessert?” and  “will you be having bread?”  There is no right or wrong answer to these questions but I assess what is it clients wish to eat and then how we achieve a level of satisfaction and weight loss (if that’s a goal). My client’s answer surprised me.

“With this group, I’ll be having bread.” My first thought was this was a bread-eating bunch and in those situations it can be difficult to be breadless. I’m not saying I feel we have to eat how those around us eat; I’m perfectly comfortable eating how I want to eat but then again, the nutritionist is sort of expected to eat well. However, her reasoning didn’t have to do with eating how the others eat. She said, “I don’t want people to think I’ve lost this weight never eating bread.” Aha.

She didn’t want to appear a carb eschewer. The truth is, bread hasn’t figured prominently in her year of wholesome eating. In other sessions, this same person has said that she feels better not eating “the whites”.  My first thought was of celebrities who claim to eat everything. They are teeny tiny and are photographed eating plates of pasta or ice cream cones and claim their favorite foods are pizza and French fries. Sure, the “eat everything and don’t gain weight” people exist but it’s a load of baloney that these actresses all sport turbo metabolisms.

Then I thought about my example from Wednesday. I plan every part of a party or get together I host but would love things to appear effortless. There’s a certain appeal to doing things with ease and not coming across compulsive. There’s a degree of smoke and mirrors but there’s more to it. In my case and in my lovely client’s example there’s something else operating. I don’t need to appear like Superwoman and in fact I’m quick to point out my faults. I really don’t want guests or friends to feel I spent too much time or energy and then possibly feel guilty. The bread example is similar. If you are perceived as healthy and successful with weight loss, shunning bread or dessert could imply others should do the same. Then again, as my client concluded, “who are we kidding Lauren, people are much more concerned with themselves than whether I have bread.”
Do you think there’s still a stigma around watching your weight? Is it more acceptable to mention a rigorous exercise regime than a stringent food plan? Why do you think, in different arenas, many of us want results to appear effortless? If at a luncheon, someone skips the bread offered would you notice?

22 comments:

  1. I love these topics you bring up Lauren. I'm one of those impatient impuslive people too, btw :) I think we are so similar.
    So, whenever I Teach my classes at work I always like to start the first class by letting people know that even though they might assume that I have a fast metabolism and can eat whatever I Want, it's far from the truth. I workout at least 5 days a week, and I eat VERY healthy! I want them to know that weight loss and management are both hard work, and that life isn't a fad diet. But, I also want them to know that I treat myself often (in fact, every day!) and that after years of learning how to eat well and break bad habits, I'm finally happy with my "Diet" and I feel great, and THEY CAN TOO! I like to be caught eating chocolate too, and I can completely see where your client was coming from (who wants to have an RD who never eats chocolate or any other "fun food?!").

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    1. Love the points that most people who eat well or are fit work at it. In our body fantasy life that may not be the case. I have mixed thoughts on how people want to see the RD. One one hand, they like to see us treating ourselves. On the other hand, I think people are inspired by healthy choices (cooking, filling your plate with tons of veggies). Either way, I am not treating myself so that I appear "well rounded" unless it's a treat I choose because it looks amazing.

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  2. Good post. This is an interesting problem that I've never considered. I generally don't worry about what others think since it's my body and health we are talking about. However, as a guy, talking about weight loss and diet only seems to be more recently acceptable. I'm much more likely to talk about exercise and sports. Have you noticed a difference between genders?

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    1. Funny, as I wrote the questions at the end of the post I thought about male versus female experiences. I have found men more open about weight loss regimes. I think less emotionally loaded (stereotyping) and they can say "I cut out_______" or I'm doing this. A little different when men see a nutritionist, that is harder to fess up to. As for women, I have clients who tell the world about me and feel fine about coming to see me and others who keep it a secret, even from their husbands (weird). I would say, if I had to choose, men care less about how watching their weight appears, than women do. Great point.

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  3. Oh I've seen this behaviour before. I think it's more acceptable to mention a rigorous workout plan than stringent eating plan..People tend to scrutinize your eating habits and base themselves on a single event to extrapolate your "how you did it". This reminds me, I have a work outing this weekend, at a Sugar Shack. These are very popular here in Quebec in the springtime, it's basically like breakfast for supper and the main ingredient is fresh maple syrup. Anyhow, I heard through the grape vine that they are planning an eating contest of sorts and are excited to see me participate...you know...to see what the nutritionist will do. Gotta love peer pressure!

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    1. Ooh, I sense a blog post, what will the nutritionist do at Sugar Shack? I had a friend email me about the place we're heading saturday and she said "have to heard about their bacon doughnuts" ha.

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  4. Very interesting!! I think there's definitely an effort out there for people to downplay how much work they put into things like maintaining a fit body, but people are often more actually impressed when you share the efforts you put into it; you EARNED it.
    However, I do notice that when people, for health or weight-loss reasons, graciously decline a certain type of food in a social gathering, the always-present food-pushers out there will only make greater pushes for you to consume that food. "One bite of bread won't kill you." Sometimes it's easier to have small bites of things than to make people suspicious and then pushy about what you're eating.
    It'd be great if we could all just mind our own diets :)

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  5. "Downplay" such a good word Meredith. I guess the 2 sides of coin are "it happens naturally" or "I really worked". I love to hear people that work and are passionate about food or fitness. To me, that's contagious. And yes, easier (I talked about in the bossy boss) post to sometimes take the food on your plate just to avoid the peer pressure and "pushing". Oy.

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  6. Lauren, you always have such excellent topics! This one really hits home with me personally. I'm not the type of person who eats junk just because others are eating it or avoids dessert because no one else will eat it. But I do feel more justified eating healthy when I'm around, let's say, other dietitians than when I'm around my in-laws. I feel obligated to eat or at least try the unhealthy casseroles, etc that are offered bc if I don't eat thhose things I will hear comments such as "you dont eat anything." Most of the time I just politely smile and walk away but there's just times I don't feel like hearing it.

    It's definitely more acceptable to talk about a strict fitness routine than my reasons for eating all organic, etc.

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    1. it definitely depends on the group you're with Erin. "You don't eat anything" can really be translated to "you don't eat the crap everyone else does".

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  7. It seems to me we want our efforts to appear effortless so we might be thought a "natural" hostess or a "natural" writer or whatever. Also, I recently went to a church supper (oh, wonderland of delicious and evil food!) and ended up talking about how I am training for a half marathon. NOT ONLY did I justify myself, I also said, "Of course, I don't always eat like this." Now, that's true. I don't always behave myself and there are many times I'm mystified by my own stupid food choices, but I was aware of what I was doing: I was fending off comments about being thin or eating like a bird and so on.

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    1. I wonder what people would say to "i work really hard at eating well". Would honesty work? "Delicious and evil food" makes me laugh.

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    2. I'm going to try it. "I work really hard at eating well." We'll see what happens.

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  8. Funny. I think it is a "thing" in Hollywood that people want to appear that they don't try that hard to be thin. Actually, the NYT did a good story on it recently -

    http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/16/dining/16interview.html?pagewanted=all

    On the other side of the token, Lady Gaga tweeted recently about doing 2 back to back spinning classes and eating salad, and she got some backlash about it. Personally, I'd rather have the honesty that it takes hard work and a clean diet to have the results than to watch an actress "sport eat" and make the results seem unattainable for someone without a turbo metabolism.

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  9. sport eating or camera eating? I will read the article, the celebrity piece is another whole story. I applaud celebs like Kim Catrall or lady gaga who are honest. They look great and work at it, I can wrap my brain around that. Ooh would love to see that gaga tweet. I know she did a Soul Cycle party for her bday.

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  10. Interesting...I don't notice when other people avoid the bread at lunch but I feel like they would notice when I do.

    And I'm so with you...I want my parties to appear effortless but of course I'm planning every single aspect, days in advance.

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    1. I don't notice, for most part, what people eat either. I think I have professional blinders on.

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  11. I'm not sure that there's a stigma. But I do think that people are much more aware of potentially restrictive behaviours. And they also sometimes call perfectly healthy behaviours restrictive, which is unfair.

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    1. Restrictive, such a loaded word. I do think we can call the same things restricted as monitored, controlled, balanced depending on vantage point. Yes, people don't want to appear restrictive for sure.

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  12. I've learned to eat what I want to eat in most social situations. (Yes, there are the situations with the in-laws when I do give in, but I plan my day around dinners with the in-laws, so it all works out...).

    I think many times relationships are built around food, and it is hard for people to accept when one in the group is changing. Plus, it's hard for people to accept when one is losing weight (and they aren't).

    There have been times when I noticed that one of my friends changed what she ate a lot. I would never comment on it and I don't judge it, but if someone changes what he/she eats a lot, people will notice. Now in most situations, people should not comment on the changes...

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    1. Interesting Andrea, so not so much about what a person eats but if there's a change and how people used to eat together. So, for example if you always indulge with a certain group of friends and then do not that is more noticeable. I hadn't thought of that.

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  13. Andrea's post made me recall: I had a friend who ate anything - she was great to be around because if I wanted to splurge on cheese fondue, she was up for it. If I wanted beer & a burger, we'd go to our favorite place. Then she started to eat better (I was training for a marathon at the time, BTW) and I found myself really disappointed that she was no longer willing to go all in with me. We also aren't friends anymore. Maybe we were centered a little more around food than we thought we were.

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