Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Reference Jeans and Fat Clothes

I couldn't find a photo of the gold dress.
I am not one of those people who can tell you what I weighed at various milestones in my life. I could tell you what I wore. Growing up, my mother delighted in helping me select clothing for special occasions. In rare moments of adolescent appreciativeness, I recall feeling so grateful that she’d go to whatever store I chose after a long workday to ensure I had what I felt I needed. So despite the fact that I’m not that much of a shopper, I love something new for a vacation, party or even important work event. I could tell you about the puffy gold (yes gold) dress my “friend” talked me into for our shared sweet 16 party; friend’s dress was sleek and sexy and though not dress-related we’re no longer friends. There was also the pink number I wore to my college graduation dinner at Emeril’s and the green sundress for the brunch the morning after my rainy wedding. Fashion blunders aside, when I think back I can also pinpoint exactly how I felt in these outfits.

Chances are, most of you can name the articles of clothing you sported when you felt your best. We also have outfits for our less than stellar days. Clothing plays an interesting role when you’re loosing weight.  One client, we’ll call J (for jeans), told me at our initial session that she wanted her “reference jeans” to fit again.  A month into our weekly meetings, I inquired about the jeans and J told me “not there yet”.  A month later I was informed, “we’re making progress”.  Weeks passed and finally J bounded into my office “I can get them on, the reference jeans zip…but they’re not suited for outdoor use yet.” I cracked up knowing exactly what she meant. Fitting and being wearable are not the same thing. Then, not long after the jeans zipped, J made a decision. It had been so many years since she wore them and she just didn’t like the reference jeans any more.

Sometimes we hang onto clothing because there’s sentimental value and other times there’s the hope that we’ll fit into it again. Like J, another client who’s losing weight had a plan as she started fitting into things again. She told me she’d get rid of items once they fit but only after she had the chance to wear them once. Again, it I wasn’t so much the actual fashion of these items but the size reference.  And while we all have skinny jeans or smaller sizes, there are also the fat clothes. I returned to work fairly soon after having each of my boys. One of the many joys of owning your own business is that there is no paid leave. There was no way in hell I was going back into my office in maternity clothes so I bought a few pair of pants in a larger size. I saved those pants and would slip into them long after whenever I was feeling pudgy. The last thing I want is anything close to my body when the bloat monster attacks.

I thought most people were like me and wore larger clothes when they felt blechy and smaller clothes as confidence increased but a session yesterday showed me this wasn’t always the case. This client, “T” said “when the scale is up I wear my tightest clothes to remind myself I want them looser.” I said, “so you torture yourself into eating better?” Wow, I wonder what she thinks about when looking back. Perhaps it’s something like “I remember that outfit, I couldn’t breathe at all in it.” T would probably like J's reference jeans.
Do you have any reference items of clothing? What are your memories when you recall feeling your most confident or fit? What do you wear when you’re feeling a little larger? And can you believe I wore a gold puffy dress? So sad.

26 comments:

  1. I think ALL of my clothes are "reference" items! HAHA. But seriously, this is a very timely post because Saturday I zipped up my "reference dress". It is a cutesy little Trina Turk number that I bought for a work event shortly after my muscle disease diagnosis. I had an even cuter TT that I wanted to wear, but since I had just given up my exercise routine and was comfort eating my way through life, I had gained a few LBs. When I wore the dress my bf said that it was the best he'd ever seen me look and said that I was "perfect" at that weight. So, I comfort ate myself up another 15lbs!!! After - you know - getting second opinions, reprogramming my mindset, relearning how to be healhty and then dropping those 15 un-necessary pounds, IT FITS! Now, of course, it is a summer dress so I can only hope it still fits come summer '12!

    In answer to your other questions, when I feel a little larger I wear all things jersey. In fact, those 2 years of hell were spent in nothing but jersey material. Now I hate jersey.

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  2. I am like you, I wear the baggy clothes when the bloating comes out, or when I start to put on the pounds (around vacations and holidays). I hate feeling like I look like one of the girls I have looked at and laughed at (the ones who clearly wear 2 sizes too small, and look ridiculous).
    I sometimes see little kids where I work and can remember some of my favorite outfits as a child. It's always good memories. Then middle school clothing memories start to creep into my thoughts, and THAT is scary!

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  3. Cameo, I know what you mean about all clothes for reference but some, like TT dress for you hold special value. Love the BF compliments, ironic that it let to 15 pounds. I say, use one of those Indian Summer days and wear the dress because you can. Gina, me too- I hate looking like I squeezed into something and go the other way. When I shop the salespeople always encourage buying a size smaller and I regret it skinny or not. We all have clothing blunders in our past. Um gold and puffy?

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  4. I also have a pair of reference pants. They're nothing special, just black pants from the gap, but they were my very favorite pants and they're from a time (before kids) when I was in the best shape I can remember. Once they stopped fitting (after kids), I kept them folded at the bottom of my stack of black pants. Over the years, I totally romanticized the notion of fitting into the black pants again. Every now and then I would check to see where I was in relation to the pants. I thought that wearing those pants again would mean a return to my old body.
    Funny enough, I dieted and exercised my way back into that size recently, but I don't love the way the pants look anymore. I think it's because there's no such thing as my old body. The pants are loose in places where they used to be tight and vice versa. I've changed over time, physically and emotionally, and my body is what it is and I should give it a break. Now that those pants fit, I care a lot less about fitting into them, but more about being healthy. I'll just have to go find a new pair of favorite black pants and stay in them this time.
    p.s. gold vest... sweet!

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  5. Ugh... that reminds me of the bright pink puffy dress my best friend talked me into for our junior high graduation dress. She wore a cute black dress. Can't believe I wore it... and the guy I went with wore a purple tux ... lol omg!
    I definitely reference clothes... I think it's much better than a scale. If I notice my jeans are getting a little snug then I'll pay a little more attention to what I'm eating.

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  6. Great post AGAIN! I don't have one pair of jeans as reference but I DO know how my clothes fit on a "skinny" day and I know how they fit on a "fat" day. This week was a bloated PMS week and therefore NOTHING seemed to fit right. But as long as next week those clothes fit like they always have, I know I'm right where I want to be. I HAVE done what "T" did before, not that I wore clothes that were 2 sizes too small and tortured myself. But if I know I've been eating less than healthy, a couple days in some jeans that are meant to be a little snugger than others, keeps me from over eating...esp at parties or restaurants! It's just a way to remind me that I ate a little too much the past couple weeks and now I need to cut back just a tad. I don't see any harm in it. I don't think anyone else knows those are my snug jeans. But post partum? I'm not sure I would use those methods. I would probably just wear bigger clothes like you did!

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  7. Great post as always. I'm wearing one of my smaller, but certainly not smallest, reference dresses today. Down a size since starting the cleanse! But to be honest, I don't really hang onto clothing that doesn't fit as I have a strong rule about getting rid of things I haven't worn for a year. I do notice that when I'm happy with my weight, I wear more color and clothing that's more form fitting. When I feel bad about my body, I lean to my "depressed Japanese gallery owner" (as described by my husband) wardrobe that's dark, layered and big. I fully recognize that I often wear my clothes a size too big, but I hate feeling like a sausage stuffed into a casing.

    I have a friend who puts on her wedding dress every year on her anniversary to see if her dress still fits. Fifteen years into marriage, she can still work that dress.

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  8. I definitely have some 'reference' clothing. I am working on fitting into my favorite pair of jeans. They are my goal to fuel my baby weight loss. I do think I am going to get a pair of jeans in a size larger to wear until I can wear my reference jeans comfortably. I remind myself it took me 9 months to grow a baby ... I am not going to be back to 'normal' in a day. BUT two weeks after ... only 8 pounds to go :)

    To be honest, the best I have ever felt was my wedding/honeymoon. :)

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  9. Sue- I totally agree, my old body is gone, different measurements etc post kids and just 10 years later. "No such thing as my old body" love that. Lisa, we all have something puffy in our past, I wonder if those "friends" were trying to pull the rug over our eyes or if there were no bad intentions. Erin- I thought there may be others who did the "tight jean" thing to reinforce good habits, I get it I do. "Depressed Japanese gallery owner" I almost just choked oh my good call. Um Madeline 2 weeks later and you're almost in those reference jeans, wow. How's the baby?

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  10. I have a pair of jeans that I just can not wear when I'm not feeling my best. They stay in the closet and instead I pull out a dress or pants that give me a little more room. I do understand your client's method of wearing clothing that is too tight as a reminder. I've done it before, but only as long as it still looks appropriate!

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  11. I don't know that I have specific clothes that I wear when I am feeling "bloated". I can tell when I need to tighten up on my meals by the way my pants fit. Too tight and I need to get with the program! I haven't utilized a scale consistently for at least 5 years. I do use it from time to time just to make sure what I am feeling is actually legit!

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  12. Lisa- good point, a little tight in the waist is different than pants that look like they may split at any moment. Allison, I think scale check in isn't bad clothes can stretch/shrink.

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  13. I absolutely avoid certain pairs of pants when I feel gross...those are the days I pull on my Lucy sweats and hope the next day is a better one.

    I had a pink puffy dress if that makes you feel any better. And my mom bought a matching one for my older sister. :(

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  14. My "friend" talked me into a hot pink slinky dress for homecoming. It had black trim and stitching. I knew it was hideous, but she convinced me. It truly ruined that night for me, because all I thought about was how I couldn't wait to get the dress off.

    I've never been a big fan of tight tops, but the bagginess of my wardrobe has gotten worse post-baby. I blame it on nursing. If something is even a little snug, it will end up being way too snug through out the day. As far as pants go, I wish I could get over the "boyfriend jean" look. It's just too easy.


    Love your blog!

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  15. I cannot believe you wore a gold puffy dress1 Although you are so chic and put-together that I am sure you rocked it!

    I don't really have reference clothes. Once I am bored with clothes they are put away in some black hole. But I do wear looser clothing on days when I am feeling bloated. I would disagree with Cameo; jersey is so unforgiving. I couldn't wear it on the bloaty days!

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  16. Interesting plan by your client who wears he tightest clothes to motivate her! My reference item is the dress I wore to my rehearsal dinner (12 years ago this Saturday!). It's been tighter and looser, but I'm glad I can still fit in to it, and I've actually worn it several times since I got married. If ever a day comes that I can't get in to it, it's definitely time to lose some weight. Hopefully I'll be in my 90s trying on my dress :-)

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  17. I want a photo of you 90 in that dress, happy anniversary Sunday. Sam, I was 16 not sure I rocked it, let's say I "stood out". Ha. I agree with you about jersey, every bulge shows. Sami, thanks for commenting. Sorry about the pink dress, I get it I do. Ameena, matching pink puffy- you win. How does your mom defend that one?

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  18. First of all, I'd love to see your puffy gold dress. Gold is one thing, but puffy?

    I can't say that I have any reference clothing, but since my body continues to change as I get older and as I train/run/swim more, I will try on old clothing to get a gauge on where I am losing or gaining weight. If I'm training hard and concerned about losing too much weight, I might try on several pairs of jeans and if they are larger than usual, I'll increase my calorie intake. Perhaps a bit of a strange way to measure my body but it works for me.

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  19. I will have to scan the gold dress photos, now to locate them. Erica- I think key is what works for each of us and yes if your clothing doesn't fit (too large or too small) it tells us something. All about gauging how our body is shifting.

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  20. Clothes that fit well are so important! When I want/need to lose a little weight, it's important for me to feel good. Tight close do not help!!! And, yes, I have worn some clothes I didn't feel comfortable/good in for special occasions, and it really affected how I felt that day...

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  21. Agreed about the tightness, also agree that what we wear can affect us and how experience.

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  22. While I understand the idea of punishing yourself with uber tight clothes to kick your butt back in gear.. I just couldn't do it! I try so hard to love my body for what it is, fat days and all! but heck yes do I feel cranky and bloated and reach for those baggy lose teas and skinny jeans. the tee hides the bloat and the skinnies remind me that i'm not THAT large and i need to chill out =) haha

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  23. Jenn you bring up a great point and that's how we talk to ourselves regardless of what type of day it is. A reminder that bloat doesn't mean you're large and appreciate that our bodies are healthy puts it all into perspective.

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  24. Great post, Lauren. I had a reference pair of jeans but I gave them away. I realized that at this point it's about getting healthier and stronger .

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  25. Sometimes reference clothing has to go.

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