A little over ten years ago my older son was born. Like most
new parents, Marc and I were completely clueless. Since we both work, hiring a nanny seemed logical. After a series of
interviews we foolishly decided to go with the smartest and sharpest of the
applicant pool. Every morning smarty-pants would come into work; before she
would touch or acknowledge the baby she’d make herself tea and oatmeal. I’m not
a timid person but this woman was running the show. I’m embarrassed to say I
put up with this insanity for six months until I started to get a clue. I sent
an email out to everyone I knew looking for a new nanny and somehow hit the
babysitter jackpot.
This go around, our son was there to help us. L* came into
our apartment for her interview and he crawled over to her and sat in her lap.
This stranger instinctively hugged and kissed him as she’s done for the past
nine plus years. Friends of ours have switched babysitters as their children got
older but L is a part of our family. Aside from being patient and loving, L is
a fantastic cook; my boys love plantains, ackee, saltfish and curry thanks to
her. And because I’m such a pain in the ass particular L has learned
some things from me as well. She knows that the produce for the house has to be
organic, beef grass-fed, water filtered and in glass bottles…and the list goes
on. Did I mention L was patient?
I’m going somewhere with all of this. Yesterday, I left the
office early to pick up the boys on their last day of school. I came into the
apartment, to drop my computer ,and was greeted by this
 |
| not my definition of "joy" |
My heart started to race, I may as well have been staring at an explosive device “L are you eating McDonalds?” “Yes,
just once in a while Lauren, that’s all.” I couldn’t believe the enemy was in
my house. “L you really shouldn’t eat it, it’s total junk and you’re so careful
about what you eat. Plus, we have a whole fridge of good stuff.” I decided to
stop there but 10 minutes later couldn’t help myself and said, “seriously, McDonalds?” In her kind
way she said, “Lauren, you’re making me feel guilty.” In my snarky way I replied,
“that’s fine, you should.” Then I thought about it some more. My kids are at
school, she feeds them really well, aside from concern or repulsion do I have a
say in what she chooses to eat? I don’t think I do but she has horrendous
reflux. Hypothetically, if she eats foods that aggravate it and has to miss
work, is it my business then? It can get a little complicated but if this was
the first time in 10 years, I’m hoping my kids will be in college before it happens
again.
What is your take on
this? Do employers have a say in what employees eat? Or can you say what isn’t
allowed in your home or office? Would it be different if she had it in front of
the children?
*even though she eats McDonalds I’ll still protect her
privacy.
Just my opinion, obviously... Employers should generally not have a say. How about working for a pork producer who say you have to eat processed meats such as bacon and sausage?
ReplyDeleteYou can have a say, but I wouldn't in this particular case. It's her body and if this is truly occasional she'll recover from the junk.
I think you have the right to ask she not eat like that in front of the kids in your home the same way you would expect her to not smoke or drink. Her job is taking care of your kids, so I see presentation of food choices as part of that role.
Thanks Bill, I tend to agree. I don't think I could work for a pork producer but I've worked at a hospital (close when it comes to nasty food). Recently L has been to the ER for reflux as it feels like chest pain. She doesn't eat tomatoes, spice, onion etc because she worries about it. It's strange to have something you detest in your house.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting and thought provoking question. And my answer is, NO. Employers (well intentioned or not) should not have a say in what employees eat. I honestly don't think government should either...to a point. Then you start thinking abut GMOs and all that crap and it gets complicated. But eating is one of our greatest personal freedoms. It is so personal in fact that it can border on or be religious. If my religion says I can't mix meat and dairy and my company orders pepperoni pizza do I have to eat it to fit in with my peers? I should not have to. I see your point given your career but in that case I don't think it's your biz.
ReplyDeleteShe will probably never bring it into your house again, though! I actually have the reverse problem with my new colleague. When he comes to visit food becomes a real issue because he either likes to work through lunch OR stop at the nastiest fastiest foodiest places NYC has to offer. I almost cried last time as he marched us in to Bon Chicken (fried chicken place with nothing but white rice and fried chicken on the freakin' menu). I was so hungry and ended up eating a green salad with balsamic and like I said, holding back tears of frustration that I wasn't able to state my dietary needs/desires and be OK with it. Not feel bad. Not feel like I was being difficult. Not feel like I had to acquiesce to his idea of what food I should eat just because he's my boss. I am traveling with him for 8 days the week before my engagement party and already have anxiety over what/where we will eat!
This goes back to work/expectations to eat certain foods etc. It's tricky for sure. You can be the sore thumb or you have to suck it up (literally). This seemed different because it was my house, I do what I do and this amazing woman feeds my kids. All making it a little less clear than, you work here and I have no say as to what you put in your body. Engagement party- you snuck that in there. That's exciting, what's on the menu, Bon Chicken?
ReplyDeleteI don't think employers have a say in what employees shouldn't eat, but I love to see employers encourage healthy practices and encourage foods their workers should be eating. If your kids were around it would be different...I sometimes worry that when the day comes for me to have kids, I will have accumulated too many bits of info regarding all the "hazardous waste" out there. You should write a post about how to be a good mom and not to fall into food police mode if you're a nutritionist. Now there's a pregnancy book I'd buy, ha!
ReplyDeleteI don't think an employer has any right to tell their employee what they can/cannot eat, even in your home. She is still a person with the right to make decisions for her body. All you can ask is that she not eat junk in front of the kids.
ReplyDeletevery good point Vanessa, nobody is stopping you from encouraging a healthy work place, just not mandating it.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion it's different when it comes to your home versus an office. I often explain my organic household as similar to someone who keeps a kosher house, so if someone brought in "non-kosher" food into my house I would't be thrilled. That said, if she ate it out of the house, I wouldn't know nor would I have a say either. On top of it all, nannies become part of the family and we care about them and their health, so seeing her make a decision that could directly hurt her is hard to see. I totally get it - my poor nanny is now gluten free because of me!
ReplyDeleteAs much as I want to say yes here....I'm going to have to say no. As long as Nanny is doing her job and doing it well and is NOT feeding this to your kids? I think we have to respect her craving for fries.
ReplyDeletePS: Years ago our first nanny was running the show here too. And then, when she quit on us we found the best nanny ever! Things happen for a reason.
*If it had been me, I would feel stupid that I let you see it.*
ReplyDeleteSince her reflux is so bad, she may have given in to the desire for the McDonald's and then regretted it. It would be different if she had done it in front of the children, but it doesn't sound like something she would do.
I fully understand the question about her missing work. Our food choices can fuel many health issues, which spawn sick days and doctor's appointments for many people. That's an issue.
Of course, you can miss 20 days a year for obesity-related illnesses and the employee will claim it is only their business. I guess if you have 20 days a year off and you want to spend them in the doctor's office, so be it. I'd rather be on the beach. But I can't afford vacation if all your doctor's visits are jacking up our company-wide insurance premiums. A bit like a dog chasing its' tail, isn't it? What you eat affects me ultimately.
I have to agree with the general consensus, the, no, you shouldn't have a say about what your employee eats on her own time. Of course it would be different, if she was taking your kids out to eat at Mc Donalds, when she knows that's not your family policy. As for whether or not she eats it in front of the kids, you could ask her not to do that, but, kids will be exposed to lots other people eating "junk", which you can't control, so at some point you need to be confident your kids will make their own good food choices, and it sounds like L is doing a great job exposing them to lots of different, healthy, foods.
ReplyDeleteIf it is important, then you deal with it at the interview. No smoking at work.. maybe even no smelling of smoke (that would be my requirement).. no stinking of fast food etc.. My point is that everything that is important to you, you deal with at the beginning and law down set rules and guideless. If they break them, you have recourse. If you do not define the rules, then you have no say.. within reason.
ReplyDeleteyes and hard when you go from a job for an infant and a job for older kids who have different needs. I agree though, have to let people know expectation or can't be upset if things happen.
ReplyDeleteYes, kids exposed but doesn't have to be at home. I am not personally worried here. More, this is a very healthy person who really didn't see McDonalds as that gross, so there was a degree of surprise. She does an amazing job and I should thank my lucky stars or thank her every day (as I do).
ReplyDeletegood points Caron, who can say what's food related and what isn't? In our case I help a lot with food choices etc so it's almost like a client bringing McDonalds to a session.
ReplyDelete"respect her craving for fries" agreed but can't they be better fries? I will buy her fries just not from them. You feel so vulnerable when someone has your kids, it's amazing when you find the right person.
ReplyDeleteNo, I don't think employers have a say in what employees eat. In case of a nanny, I do think that it is reasonable to negotiate what they eat in front of your kids. But what they eat when your kids aren't around is off limits in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteEven though I understand that you don't want to have Mc Donald's in your house, I think banning it could actually make the situation worse. I know I have mentioned before that I wasn't allowed to eat fast food when I was growing up and that I ended up eating fast food once I moved out. I would have been very upset if someone had told me what to eat or not to eat at that time... I actually ate an overall healthy diet with lots of vegetables and mainly home-cooked meals. But I totally felt "entitled" to my "fast food fix" once in a while.
Also, I have a feeling that once L thinks about her medical condition a bit more, she'll change her mind on her own...
Employers do not have a say on what their employees eat on their own time. I do think it is reasonable to say what is or isnt allowed in your own home although that can be a tricky situation also. Please share your recommendations for better fries! :-)
ReplyDeleteLauren, employers do not have a say on what their employees eat on their own time. I think that as long as she eats it and does not influence your children with these choices..then you are fine. Interesting my nephew was not allowed to have candy when he was small and he became obsessed with it. My son was allowed to have candy and he didn't care for it at all.....
ReplyDeleteI think the important thing was the fact that she didn't feed it to your kids. Could you imagine had she done that. That would have been a whole different story.
ReplyDeleteagreed however, if she doesn't see as a problem "once in a while" that's another conversation, right?
ReplyDeleteTrust me, I'm not a fan of forbidding foods from kids (just very poor quality food). My kids eat burgers and fries and candy but meals at home and food we (Marc/L and I) give them are good quality. Does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteFries- all about the potato (organic when possible), oil (good quality) and preparation (baked works nicely). Alexia is a good store brand, I make sweet potato fries often at home with cayenne and a drop of parmesan, tossed with olive or coconut oil.
ReplyDeleteAll good points Andrea. I responded about "banning" above. I don't believe you have to include absolutely everything in a diet. My kids have pizza, they've had Subway (ick) and Five Guys but I would never seek it out, take them there or encourage it. They are getting to an age where they can choose if McDonalds appeals to them but they know how I feel. And yes, L didn't see McDonalds as bad for her reflux, funny if it was on a list from the doctor she wouldn't have gone (like onions, tomatoes etc).
ReplyDeleteso happy this showed up (this comment didn't appear initially, Disqus issues). Brooke, I love the comparison to a kosher house. And yes, I care about her health the way I care about my kids health. Great points.
ReplyDeleteinteresting, I see the home as a little different from a workplace. Thanks for stopping by Brittany.
ReplyDeleteEngagement party- exciting. I guess we're saying if employer cannot pressure you to eat unhealthy food (they do though) it shouldn't be the other way around, right? Hmn.
ReplyDelete