Do you guilt eat?

 I’ve written about peer pressure before and “bossy bosses”.  Guilt eating is similar but generally speaking in this case the person gifting or offering food has good intentions. I hear instances of guilt eating all the time. Just this week “My mom left this morning! After she left, I filled a trash bag with all of the English muffins, chips and dessert she had so graciously bought me :)”

Good that the “trash” was tossed. I’m not 100% convinced bringing these foods to an adult “child” is the best idea but you see the pull. Mom thought of me and arrived with these foods, it was so nice of her.  Yes, to an extent it was, feel that gesture.

Or, this one is even more tricky and loaded, “my kids had made cinnamon chip cookies which my daughter "invented” she had to make up a recipe for school...how could I not have one?”

Are you ready? Neither mom’s kindness nor this child’s creativity are ignored if we don’t consume the food. Acknowledge the emotion “thank you so much for taking time to bring these” OR “tell me what you put in these cookies”. It will not create an eating disorder in your children if you say “let’s put this in a container, I’m going to have it tomorrow as my treat” or “those look amazing but I’m not hungry right now.” You see, show enthusiasm and graciousness but only eat the said food if you really want to. It's your choice and your guilt or lack thereof. Make sense?

Do you guilt eat? In what situations? 

Top Ten Tips For Your Healthiest Mother's Day Ever

Motherhood is great, I can get sappy and say it’s a gift (which it absolutely) is but it’s gift that comes with its own unique challenges. With a little planning (I mean who’s better at planning than moms?) we can put those difficulties to bed. Try these 10 tips  for your healthiest Mother’s Day yet.

1. Pick Free Week- many of my “mom” clients say they don’t eat chicken fingers or candy or mac and cheese and truth be told they don’t really eat a full portion of them. However, the few French fries and cookie bites add up. For one full week, skip the kid picks. It will be both eye opening and slimming.

2. Try Turmeric- are you familiar with turmeric? It’s the yellow spice (a component in curry powder) you may very well have in your spice cabinet. Well take it out and sprinkle it on eggs or veggies or grains. It’s a very powerful mood booster, has strong anti cancer properties and is anti-inflammatory too.

3. Skinny Starts Sunday- use an hour or two on Sunday to make a weekly menu and food shop. I suggest trying 1 new recipe or ingredient per week and planning at least 1 fish or shellfish dinner for the family. Winging it and weight loss (or health) don’t go together.

4. Go for Glass- many moms are aware of BPAs those chemicals lurking in many plastic bottles and kids’ sippy cups. If you think BPA free is the way to go, I’m not convinced what they’re replacing BPAs with in these plastics is any safer. Your best bet for you and the kids are glass water bottles and food containers. If you’re on the fence this class of chemicals found in many plastics are called obeseogens, yup.

5. Play- think of your children as mini personal trainers. When my kids shoot hoops I do too. A client just came in saying “instead of watching my kids play soccer I joined in. They loved that I was playing and I got some added exercise in.” Win, win.

6. Afternoon Ammunition- moms are known to for pack snacks for kids and nothing for themselves. And then if you’re lucky there will be cheddar bunnies to spare. You can do better than bunnies. In every purse, stash a snack. I like nutrition bars by Zing and Health Warrior. You can also wash out an altoid tin, we call this a “nutcase” at Foodtrainers. Fill with hazelnuts or sunflower seeds (both contain a type of fat that legitimately belly slimming)

7. Cooking Crudite- dinnertime can be a doozy. Many clients say they taste and graze so much while they’re cooking that they aren’t hungry for dinner (but still eat). The solution? Set out some cooking crudité- carrots, cucumbers or bell peppers sliced for when you want to munch on something but are conscious about those cooking calories.

8. Be An Early Bird- speaking of cooking and dinner, when to eat is a dilemma for many moms. Do you eat early with the children or wait for your spouse to come home in a couple of hours? Have an early bird dinner which is much better than  a double dinner.

 9. Watch where you work- I wouldn’t pay bills or return emails in the kitchen with the fridge staring at you, it’s too tempting and one stressful email or big bill can send you over the snack edge.

10. Tea is the thin girl’s nightcap- it’s so easy to crave a treat once the kids are asleep. Then one treat turns into two…Instead try nighttime teas. I love one made by Pukka with lavender in it. It’ll save you calories and relax you.

And on that note, a happy and healthy Mother’s Day to all.

My Nanny State

A little over ten years ago my older son was born. Like most new parents, Marc and I were completely clueless. Since we both work, hiring a nanny seemed logical. After a series of interviews we foolishly decided to go with the smartest and sharpest of the applicant pool. Every morning smarty-pants would come into work; before she would touch or acknowledge the baby she’d make herself tea and oatmeal. I’m not a timid person but this woman was running the show. I’m embarrassed to say I put up with this insanity for six months until I started to get a clue. I sent an email out to everyone I knew looking for a new nanny and somehow hit the babysitter jackpot.

This go around, our son was there to help us. L* came into our apartment for her interview and he crawled over to her and sat in her lap. This stranger instinctively hugged and kissed him as she’s done for the past nine plus years. Friends of ours have switched babysitters as their children got older but L is a part of our family. Aside from being patient and loving, L is a fantastic cook; my boys love plantains, ackee, saltfish and curry thanks to her. And because I’m such a pain in the ass particular L has learned some things from me as well. She knows that the produce for the house has to be organic, beef grass-fed, water filtered and in glass bottles…and the list goes on. Did I mention L was patient?

I’m going somewhere with all of this. Yesterday, I left the office early to pick up the boys on their last day of school. I came into the apartment, to drop my computer ,and was greeted by this

not my definition of "joy"

My heart started to race, I may as well have been staring at an explosive device “L are you eating McDonalds?” “Yes, just once in a while Lauren, that’s all.” I couldn’t believe the enemy was in my house. “L you really shouldn’t eat it, it’s total junk and you’re so careful about what you eat. Plus, we have a whole fridge of good stuff.” I decided to stop there but 10 minutes later couldn’t help myself  and said, “seriously, McDonalds?” In her kind way she said, “Lauren, you’re making me feel guilty.” In my snarky way I replied, “that’s fine, you should.” Then I thought about it some more. My kids are at school, she feeds them really well, aside from concern or repulsion do I have a say in what she chooses to eat? I don’t think I do but she has horrendous reflux. Hypothetically, if she eats foods that aggravate it and has to miss work, is it my business then? It can get a little complicated but if this was the first time in 10 years, I’m hoping my kids will be in college before it happens again.

What is your take on this? Do employers have a say in what employees eat? Or can you say what isn’t allowed in your home or office? Would it be different if she had it in front of the children?

*even though she eats McDonalds I’ll still protect her privacy.

What's worse putting an obese child on a diet or doing nothing?

Not a "Vogue" photo I realize

I love being tipped off to provocative nutrition articles. On Friday I received this:

I HAD to write to ask if you have read the article about the Mom who put her 7 year old daughter on a diet in this month’s Vogue (J-Lo is on the cover) If you haven’t please, please, please go get it. Would LOVE to know your thoughts even though I think I already know what you would say.

At the time I hadn’t read the article but I was on my way for a pre-trip pedi. Prior to reading, a 7 year old on a diet, in a fashion magazine, sounded like an open and closed case for scary parenting. Once at Cindy's Nails,  I spotted the J-Lo Vogue, sat back in the squishy pedicure chair and started in. Dara-Lynn Weiss opens the article describing a situation where she was at a friend’s house and made a little bit of a scene when a her daughter is served salad nicoise. I felt myself cringe but read on.

Bea, we learn, was normal weight early on and started putting on weight as a toddler. Her mother explains that Bea always seemed to be hungry and a preschool teacher even mentioned she had trouble self-regulating at a snack table. As she watched her daughter gaining weight, Weiss says she initially ignored the problem. By the time Bea was 7, the doctor classified her as obese and her parents took action.

In a very honest account, Weiss recaps her own weight issues growing up. As an adult her weight stabilized she writes, “I felt pretty normal. And I looked pretty normal. But, like many women, I wasn’t really normal.” Many parents, specifically mothers, have their own weight “stuff” that they bring to the parenting table. Some women were pressured to lose weight by their own mothers and are determined to do things differently.  Others may have grown up heavy and looking back wish their parents intervened more so that they didn’t have to be taunted or unhealthy. It’s very easy to pat yourself on the back and feel successful in the nutrition department when you have average weight children. It doesn’t mean you are exempt from family food issues.

There were some things I felt this mother got right:

• She enlisted an expert
• She tried to make this a family affair, she brought her son to the doctor to be weighed in and she ate the same lunches as Bea
• She increased her daughter’s physical activity, enrolling her in karate
• She referred to things as “a nutrition regimen” versus a diet (though I’m not sure "diet" if handled properly is the end of the world).

Other things I didn’t agree with:

• With either children or adults I don’t feel public situations are the time for lesson teaching or scene making (except when it’s my children and they are using bad table manners). The goal is always to control what you can control and snacks at a friend’s house aren’t for a 7 year old to refuse.
• Health is the best platform. Yes, children are aware of their size but losing weight should be in order to be healthy, for life, and not to get new clothing, especially at 7. Health and healthy foods aren’t highlighted in this article and Weiss admits “we became connoisseurs of anything in a 100-calorie pack and bought enough diet soda to horrify any Whole Foods-shopping mom.”

As I read this account, I found myself thinking of children with dangerous food allergies. Weiss mentions this comparison “should she (Bea) attempt to walk through the door (at school) with an almond in her pocket, she’d practically be swarmed by a SWAT team.  But who is protecting the obese kids when 350-calorie cupcakes are handed out on every kid’s birthday?” And if we get our children extra help with speech or reading, should we not have them assisted when needed with nutrition? “The same Tiger Moms who press their kids into private school test prep at four or force them to devote countless hours to piano or dance or sports find it unthinkable to coax a child to lose weight.” The word “coax” rubs me the wrong way but point well taken.

The truth is many will take issue with this mother’s methods. If I recorded some of my boys’ piano practice sessions I would bet you wouldn’t award me patient parent of the year either. This article references a 2011 survey where parents find weight the single most difficult topic to discuss with their kids ahead of drugs and sex. Maybe this Vogue piece is a tool parents can use to open the discussion. And I think this is a discussion we should have with obese and non-obese children. After all, we can work on weight but we also need to work on sensitivity. 

I don’t think this is what the person who emailed expected me to say but I’m so glad she told me to look into this and in case you’re wondering I asked the proprietor of the nail salon for the article (no magazine swiping).

Have you read "Weight Watcher" in Vogue? Do you think 7 year olds should be put one weight loss regimes? Do you think it's worse to take action for an obese child or do nothing?

The Single Worst Food for Your Weight

It was the summer of ‘93; I had a thrilling job at The Lobster Roll (aka Lunch).  Despite my lovely attire of a uniform t-shirt and khaki shorts, I was seeing someone. He told me he noticed that I was friendly with one of the cooks (approx. weight 425). His theory was that if I was friends with the large guy, I must be nice. Well, I knew it wasn’t the outfit. I was 19 and leaving to go abroad in September. He was 27, an artist, in Montauk for the summer to surf and paint. When surfer met my parents, before we went out one night, I don't even think he said hello. The point of my story is that this was fun but ill fated. Even at 19, when you know nothing, I knew this was a waste. A waste with an old fashioned Chevy Malibu convertible that was fun to ride around in. I was reminded of this when I contemplated one of my favorite foods.

One of my favorite foods isn't something I should eat. Considering I am practical by nature, it doesn't make sense that I dally in it. When we met with Dr Oz last month, he mentioned this food as the single worst food you can eat when it comes to weight. This wasn’t the conclusion of one small study but from the Nurses Health Study and Health Professionals Follow up study. Over 120,000 doctors and nurses, not obese at the start, were monitored every 4 years for 12 to 20 years. So what was the sad news? Fries,  alone contributed to 3-4 pounds every four years and were correlated with the most weight gain for a single food. No small fry.

Knowing something and hearing it from someone else are very different. I had read this study, even blogged about it (a different part of it) but hadn’t heard the word “worst.”  I rarely order fries but they make their way to the table piggybacking with grilled chesses and chicken sandwiches and other foods my children eat. I literally take a silent no French fry vow before the fries arrive to remind myself. For me, it’s easier not to start as one, especially when they’re crispy, can lead to too many. About once a month, I let myself reach over. So fries are still in my life but limited and as an alternative I bake spicy sweet potato fries at home. In relationships, I left silly choices in my teens. In 1998,  the human equivalent of dark chocolate: fun, interesting and good for me.

Are you a fry lover? How often do you eat them? Did you know fries were “the worst”? What’s the worst uniform you’ve had to wear for a job?