Do you guilt eat?

 I’ve written about peer pressure before and “bossy bosses”.  Guilt eating is similar but generally speaking in this case the person gifting or offering food has good intentions. I hear instances of guilt eating all the time. Just this week “My mom left this morning! After she left, I filled a trash bag with all of the English muffins, chips and dessert she had so graciously bought me :)”

Good that the “trash” was tossed. I’m not 100% convinced bringing these foods to an adult “child” is the best idea but you see the pull. Mom thought of me and arrived with these foods, it was so nice of her.  Yes, to an extent it was, feel that gesture.

Or, this one is even more tricky and loaded, “my kids had made cinnamon chip cookies which my daughter "invented” she had to make up a recipe for school...how could I not have one?”

Are you ready? Neither mom’s kindness nor this child’s creativity are ignored if we don’t consume the food. Acknowledge the emotion “thank you so much for taking time to bring these” OR “tell me what you put in these cookies”. It will not create an eating disorder in your children if you say “let’s put this in a container, I’m going to have it tomorrow as my treat” or “those look amazing but I’m not hungry right now.” You see, show enthusiasm and graciousness but only eat the said food if you really want to. It's your choice and your guilt or lack thereof. Make sense?

Do you guilt eat? In what situations? 

Do you have metabol-envy?

Yesterday, I sat with a friend and she said if she could have one wish it would be to be able to eat whatever she wanted and not gain weight. I clarified “you mean instead of your family being healthy or world peace?” She said “well one wish or thing I could change about myself.” I think I believe that last part. The truth is,  I hear all about these friends, siblings or coworkers who can eat whatever they want.  I’ve sent the majority of session consoling clients over metabolic diversity (or injustice in their eyes).  “I have to work so hard at this” or “I am eating the salad while they are having fries” I’ve heard it all and have a few things to say about these “everything eaters”.

• Oftentimes, they don’t always eat like this. Think of the celebrity with a giant burger or ice cream cone. Many people eat differently out versus at home or on weekends versus weekdays. And many don’t want to appear to watch what they are eating.

• Chances are they will not be able to eat this way forever. When twenty-something clients tell me about their French toast ordering friends, I tell them to wait a few years.  Forty has a way of leveling the metabolic playing field. And know that’s it’s most difficult for people to watch their weight who have never had to think about it.

• Everything eaters have arteries too. I worry about the insides of naturally thin people. I actually told my friend with the wish above that even if I could eat anything without gaining (and I can’t and never could) I would still drink green juice and eat wild salmon. Part of me likes it but part of me also likes how I feel and knowing I am taking care of my health (hello family history of heart disease).

• At the end of the day, metabol-envy is just envy. There will always be someone who is taller, richer and more successful. Focusing on them really takes us away from our game.

If I have any form of envy it’s confidence envy. I would love (though maybe not since I turned 40) to be the person who parades around in a bathing suit or feels no need to cover up. My friend gave me some advice about this one. She said it’s all about practice. People who are super-comfortable on the beach aren’t generally on the beach a handful of days a year. So I'm off to plan a beach trip where I will watch what I'm eating. I have no problem being that person.

Do you have metabol-envy? Do you know an “everything eater”? If you could change one thing about yourself/your body what would it be?

Should you tell others you're trying to lose weight?

Research says shut your mouth (in more ways than one) if trying to lose

When I finish a session with a new client and they pay in cash, I know. Sure, there’s a chance they’re one of those credit cards shunners but it’s far more likely they don’t want their spouse to know. It’s their secret that they’re trying to lose weight. Recently, a writer asked Carolyn a great question. “Is it better to share your weight loss efforts with others or keep it to yourself?” Are the cash clients onto something?

Carolyn and I exchanged emails on this topic, her answers….

Can telling people you are trying to lose weight improve your results?

It can for a couple of reasons. Having a support system to back you up works wonders. Many clients are quick to point out the friends they eat poorly around but chances are there are those positive forces too. If you have friends who will join you at the gym or eat at healthy restaurants, make them “favorites”. You can also use friends and family for accountability. Even though I’m a nutritionist- some of our Foodtrainers’ office emails about hydration or fitbit steps really help me. And if you are seeing a nutritionist or trainer and sometimes professionals can be your “carb”confidante.

Are there any people you should refrain from telling?

Off the bat I would avoid telling those people who are jealous or will try to sabotage you, judgy family members are in this category. And beware, it’s often the judgy folks we want approval from. No matter how stoked you are about a new routine, be selective about sharing; you want support, not mommying or monitoring. 

So, why do you think people closet their weight loss efforts?

Some people are ashamed of needing to lose weight, food and nutrition are much more complicated than exercise. For others it’s fear of failure. One client’s husband said, “I just don’t want you to be disappointed if it doesn’t work.”  And then there’s always people who don’t want it to appear they “have to watch” their food intake or don’t want to cop to something as “silly” as food journaliing.

Do you see tide turning, are people sharing more?

On the whole people are more interested in food and health. The tide is definitely turning. There are office weight loss challenges, group fitness, apps not to mention social media encouraging us to share.

“The research” as it’s often referred to (and deferred to) encourages that we don’t share our goals, what do you say to the Ted talk etc?

OK so yes, there are studies and a Ted Talk that discourages goal sharing. The reasoning is that once you tell others what you’d like to achieve there’s some perceived accomplishment so you don’t work as hard at what you’re doing. This reminds me of New Years Resolutions, we’re all good at setting the goals. We avoid this with clients by having them focused on the behaviors versus just the goal. And what the studies miss is the effect shame can have on us. It’s not embarrassing to improve your health or watch what you’re eating and it doesn’t feel good to hide or lie.

Are you open about your efforts to lose weight or be healthy? Who do you share the most with (in this department) your partner, friends, shrink? What do you think about the studies pointing out that sometimes sharing isn’t best?

Seven Links, Five Great Blogs No Partridge or Pear Tree

from Istock, I don't have that much free time.

In the early days of this blog, I read a post on a friend’s well-established blog (AKA as blog people actually read and enjoy) about meeting some of her blogging friends. At that point blog friends was as foreign a concept as having a blog people actually read. After a year and 10 months, no need to age the blog prematurely, I have a blog that some people seem to enjoy and as of a week ago I also have blog friends. These friends aren’t just virtual friends, we met face to face. Ameena of Fancy This Fancy That, Sam of Mom at the Barre and I had lunch at Candle 79 and I’m now convinced that in this world of screens you can meet lovely, smart people.

I was flattered when Sam nominated me for 7 links.  I hadn’t heard of 7 links before but have loved reading some of my favorite blogs 7 links.  To quote Sam:

The "My Seven Links" project has been going pretty strong for the past week or so. In a nutshell, its goal is to unite bloggers from all sectors in an endeavor to create a bank of posts that deserve to be re-read.

Rules are as follows: Blogger is nominated. Blogger publishes his or her 7 links on his or her blog. Blogger then nominates five more bloggers to take part. And the cycle continues.

On the 7 links website it advises participants “don’t overthink”.  There’s no way that was going to happen. I found it interesting to go back and read old posts. There were posts I’d love to edit, posts I forgot I wrote and a good year of posts I’m fairly certain nobody else read. So here it goes:

My most beautiful post-some of my best ideas come from my clients who I see in our Foodtrainers offices each week. I have fantastic clients some of whom I've known for a long time. This was a post I wrote about one of my favorite clients and the special gift she gave me at a hard time in her life.  

My most popular post-was a recent post. It was viewed a lot though readers did not necessarily agree with me.  I realized with this post and a few others that it’s much more fun to receive comments where readers disagree with me and make me think than when they say “loved this.” It's still totally fine to say "loved this." I never take comments personally and love nothing more than a good debate (well I may love a good massage a little more).  If you haven’t read this, see what you think- and feel free to let me have it.

My most controversial post may have been the post above but this one was controversial for its subject matter. I have no issue talking about bowel movements or any bodily functions but this was me writing about it. Since then I wrote another Potty Talk post as well.  

My most helpful post- is a hard one to pick. There are a lot of food situations that trip us all up. In this post I responded to a clients hysterical 911 email from a bachelorette party. My advice holds for any food situation involving peer pressure

Post whose success surprised me- this is a post people always comment on. I hate fast food but found myself in a blizzard on an interstate with two hungry children and an exhausted husband and food supply. I caved and wasn’t happy about it. No fast food since (it was 2009) or hopefully ever again because, as I described, it makes me feel so ill.

Post that didn’t get the attention it deserved- it’s hard to give something attention when you don’t know what the thing is. So while I’ll single out one post, there were about a year’s worth that went unread or were only read by about five of my dearest friends. And of those posts, after rereading them, there are many that don’t deserve your attention.  There’s one, however, I think you should know about and that’s TIDEI. TIDEI stands for Tweet It Don’t Eat It. Clients email us all the time seeking our help and this extends our reach to twitter. Simply tweet @Foodtrainers I’m walking by the Mr Softee truck trying to ignore it #TIDEI.  We’ll respond with advice as needed. It’s fun, try it.

Post I’m most proud of- professionally I take pride in helping people make important changes in their lives; however, I’m most proud of my family (so sappy I know). I ‘ve talked about my boys and Marc but wrote a post for each of my boys. This technically makes 8 links (and yes I overthought that) but here was the one I wrote Weston last year and this year for Myles.

And my nominees are:

Camille and Sarah @ Svelte Gourmand

Lauren @ Running Dialog

Andy @Small Bites

Dr Ayala @ Herbal Water

Shari @ My Judy The Foodie

I should mention I've also met the adorable Erica Sara through this blog. I am wear my 26.2 "race bling" she designs with pride. 

What’s the strangest place you’ve ever made a friend? Do you have any posts you’ve especially liked or disliked on this blog?  Did you read any of my 7 links? Be honest.