 |
| Jennifer Lee Photography |
If you knew that you would die today
If you saw the face of God and Love
Would you change?
Would you change?
Tracy Chapman
A year ago I was at work seeing clients, doing all that
mundane/ just another day stuff when an email took my breath away. Jen had
passed. Despite knowing she was so ill for so long, I was speechless. I sat
staring at a photo of her on my screen and studied her smile but couldn’t
smile. Two days later, I kneeled next to a friend and stared at another screen broadcasting Jen's memorial.
You see there wasn’t room left in the main area of the funeral chapel. I wrote
a post trying to make some sense of things, vowing to carry on more Jen-like.
Am I fearless?
Jen's platform was fearlessness and she embodied it. In May, I was running in a race. Iit didn’t go well and knew I
could do better. After discussing how things went with a running coach I work with, it seemed that as fatigue set in, I grew concerned.
As my body started to ache, I pulled back. He corrected me and said that part
of racing was noting the pain and pushing through it. For him, he assumed that
the last half of any race wouldn’t be fun. I have a Scott Jurek shirt that says, “pain only
hurts” it reminds me of this. This isn’t about masochism but noting the
challenge and persisting anyway. Work in progress.
Am I enjoying the silliness?
Jen was the first person to spot my name in In Style, Life
and Style or any other magazine. We joked she was my PR person. Jen was silly;
if you didn’t know her you can see it in her videos. On Wednesday, her best
friend organized a movie night. A bunch of us went to see Magic Mike. The movie was terrible, except for some eye candy, but after
some crazy rain and hail, it seemed to honor Jen. I can be serious at times. I
am a natural over thinker, silly is important. Silly is a pain reliever.
Am I supporting Cycle?
Cycle for Survival was Jen’s baby. It was just so
fitting that Jen’s journey wasn’t just about Jen. It seems every week we hear of someone we
know being diagnosed with some sort of cancer or having some sort of surgery or
treatment. Monday, on my way to work, with Jen’s “anniversary”
looming I received another email; the dates for Cycle 2013 were announced. Many members of our
Foodtrainers team emailed immediately “I’m in”. Last year, we did a dance video
for every thousand dollars we raised, what will we do this year?
I don’t know if it’s possible to live each day as if it was
your last. I know I need reminders. I need reminders to see beyond myself and
my stressors, I need reminders to be fearless (or less fearful) and I need
reminders to be silly. It would be so much easier if my teacher was still here.
Do you? Where do you
find yourself fearful? Are you more inclined naturally to be silly or serious?
If you knew that you would die today, would you change?
