Reliefatinis for the Food Bank of New York

 When you lose someone you love, there’s a period of time where everyone is reaching out. They have you on their radar and call, email and want to help you through the unbearably tough time. Inevitably, your friends, coworkers and neighbors go back to their lives and somewhat expect you to do the same. However,  you can’t bounce back because for you it’s not a current event or a minor setback, for you it’s everything. I would bet so many people devastated by Sandy are feeling that sense that the world around them is going back to normal.  As we buy gifts, light candles and put up trees, remember that  “the things we take for granted others are praying for”.

During the storm, I reached out to my talented friends Marissa Alperin, jewelry designer,  and John Marsh chef/owner of Green Square Tavern (according to Dr Oz, Marsh is a food snob too, thank goodness) to put together an evening to benefit Food Bank NYC. Last Thursday night was the gathering.

As you may know, I love to plan, but also had some great help.

There were flowers from my favorite local florist Rachel Cho

Delicious organic bites from John Marsh of Greensquare Tavern

Resident taste tester, sampling before guests arrive

Shrimp with a homemade hoisin

When it came to cocktails,  Marissa and I knew we needed a Reliefatini but I was striking out with apple (for "Big Apple") concoctions. A friend found a description for a drink from a place in SF called Elixir. I emailed for a recipe and before I knew it had virtual mixology support from the proprietor of Elixir, Joseph Ehrmann. I infused Chopin (potato vodka) with cinnamon sticks for 48 hours, purchased apple bitters, had a bottle of Morris Kitchen ginger syrup and fresh lime juice. As I thought of more and more things to add, my cocktail advisor suggested "remember less is more" which just happened to have been one of my dad's mantras. 

 We also had white wine with a few pomagranate seeds for color and cucumber infused water.

And of course Marissa’s creations (with profits for Sandy) and a donation box for Food Bank NYC

There was a part of me that felt guilty “partying” in the name of Sandy. I decided we should share a story as a reminder of why we had all gathered together. My friend J. spoke of her babysitter Verna. Verna, mother of 9 children herself, is a special soul. When our kids were younger, on my most frazzled days I would see Verna at preschool and in 30 seconds she’d have me calm. My nanny sick? Verna would watch the baby so I could run to work. Verna lived in the Rockaways a couple of blocks from the water and lost everything in the storm. She and her children were in the shelters and then scattered with family. J shared this story and Marissa pulled me aside and said “why aren’t we giving everything to Verna”? I knew what she meant but there are so many Verna’s.

J talking about Verna

Can you spot Carolyn? I have a lot of tall friends, what's up with that?

At the end of the night, Marissa realized we didn’t raffle off a beautiful pair of earrings; she left them with me to use for the blog. Friday, as I was cleaning up and thinking about the night, the doorbell rang. I know it sounds like I’m making this up but you know who it was. It was Verna with a huge smile on her face, of course. My babysitter and Verna were friends and she had been calling her nonstop but hadn’t reached her. When I hugged her and asked that dumb question “how are you?” She looked at me and said “I’m getting there.” Wow.  I ran to my office and put together some money and then had a thought. I gave Verna the note with cash in it to help her family but then I remembered Marissa’s earrings. I told Verna, I know you’re not spending on things as silly as this, please accept these and know we’re still thinking about you.

Verna on the left and lovely Louise on the right

It was a really special night; I had friends together from many different parts of my life. Many of these women showed up for Sandy and the Food Bank despite not knowing anyone. Everyone mixed and mingled. The next day I received a bunch of emails thanking me for hosting but what touched me is how many comments I received about the group who had assembled. "Your friends are lovely" said one guest. The truth is they are. Hosting is  a way to have some fun with great food and interesting drinks but I don't take for granted everyone who showed up to support a cause that will continue to need our help.

I'm a fan of a party favor and we had a bowl of one of my favorite treats "Mounds" cookies from a fantastic restaurant Rockin' Raw. A note on the bowl read "thank you for supporting our Sandy Efforts, you rock." What really rocked was sending in a substantial donation to the Food Bank of New York.
My friend Aidan Donnelley Rowley recently posted on the ingredients for a good gathering, what do you think those are? Everyone talks about the importance of a relaxed host, can you relax when hosting? Do you think it's inevitable to "go back to normal" following a disaster? 

Good Manners or Good Health?

On Friday, I was a guest on “Whole Living” on Martha Stewart radio talking healthy holidays. We discussed holiday parties and the holiday mindset and then, my favorite part of the show, we opened up the phone lines to callers. One caller, I believe his name was Brad, said that over the holidays there would be one day where he would be at 4 different homes.  He asked the best strategy for his day. While four family visits in a day sounds like a doozy, many of us will be confronted with some sort of hostess or host dilemmas in the next couple of weeks. So how can you manage good manners and good health?

First, what I find when I’m hosting a party is that I really want people to take whatever is being offered. Whether it’s a welcome cocktail or a passed hors d’ouerve, your radar is up for who accepts and who declines the food and drink. As a guest, remember you can accept without needing to ingest. Politely receive your plate of food or glass of wine and nobody will notice what you actually consume.

Second, I am a fan of strategic eating. If, like Brad, you have a day or week filled with family and food you should have a strategy too. Once you’re at a gathering and the holiday music plays and delicious aromas infuse the air, it’s too late. Pick one “forbidden fruit.” I’m sorry if this doesn’t sound festive but a fruitcake on each butt cheek isn’t the way I want to deck my halls. For one gathering you may say you’re laying off the desserts, at another you may curb the carbs. The nice thing (yes there are nice things) about family is that you generally know what to expect. If Grandma Edna has baked Christmas cookies at EVERY Christmas, chances are there will be a cookie jar. Traditions apply to food and there will be few surprises.

Finally, never underestimate the value of a thoughtful hostess gift.  Grandma Edna above doesn’t want a bottle of Absolut (or maybe she does) and the calorie counter doesn’t want chocolates. A delicious tin of  tea, your favorite sweet treat work well. Some of my favorite gifts have been special vinegar or hone. It is the thought that counts and let’s be honest the bottle of wine in the tin foil wine-store wrapper doesn’t show much thought. If you’re going to pass on the pie (or accept it but not ingest it), better if you brought something special with you. With these tips you’ll fine you can be polite and not portly, well-mannered and well.

Any host or hostess horror stories to share? Do you eat to please at family or holiday gatherings? What are your favorite host or hostess gifts?

Diamonds and Drinks

I was grumpy yesterday. I even emailed a friend and asked “ever plan an event and just want it over?” She put me at ease and said she often felt that way.  There were the usual moving pieces, people backing out at the last minute and other neglected work I needed to get to.  I think I had a sneaking feeling things weren’t going to turn out as I wanted them to. Why is it these are always the nights that end up perfect?

A few months ago, I was introduced to a jewelry designer named Marissa Alperin. Marissa came to my office, with her jewels, and though I’m not a serious jewelry person I was blown away by collections inspired by the beach, her love of color and texture and a piece she had made for her mother who had survived breast cancer. I fell in love with 2 creations of Marissa’s that I now wear almost every day and wanted to show others her work.

I'll digress to one of the last conversations I had with my dad. We had talked about the soldiers coming home from Iraq. I was in his hospital room, reading the paper and he spotted a photo and said “we can’t forget about these kids coming home without arms and legs, it’s not a life.” In my glass half full mindset and talking to someone who knew first hand what life was life without a limb I said “but they are alive and get to come home.” Up went his eyebrows and slowly he said “it’s a limited life.” Those words stuck with me and continue to give me chills as I type this.

I had the idea to invite friends to see Marissa’s creations and asked Marissa if she’d consider donating a percentage of her profits to Wounded Warrior Project. I also asked what she thought of the idea of having a charm made in honor of my dad. The charm would be a martini. You see, despite his “limited life", martinis persisted. Marissa loved the idea and we got to work planning “Diamonds and Drinks”.

Last night we gathered in my apartment. Marissa turned my dining room into a jewelry shop. My friend John Marsh was busy at work in the kitchen. John will be opening his first NYC restaurant in a few weeks, his wife told me “he is only here for you and for this cause.”  I had kept the guest list small as I didn’t know how things would go.  Steadily, friends arrived from all different parts of my life. While some shopped others sipped and John’s organic bites were passed around the room. We ate beets and feta atop Mary's Gone Crackers, crab avocado wasabi crisps and small demitasse cups of gazpacho.

Did I mention the elderflower martinis? Yes, these martinis are made with Absolut Boston which is elderflower and black tea flavored. The vodka is combined with lemon juice and simple syrup. After about 2 hours I was told we were out of the lemon juice (from 2 dozen lemons!) and the reserve bottled lemon juice.  The martinis and the evening was a hit.  The night was perfect.

What do you think is the key to a successful party? The guests? The food? The drinks?

Shared Fare

One of the first meals my husband had with my family was at Emerils in New Orleans. My sister and her family, my parents, Marc (then my boyfriend) and I were at dinner celebrating my graduation from Tulane. Midway through our appetizers, I distinctly recall a concerned look on Marc’s face. My family, in our usual manner, was passing bread and butter plates with tastes of crab cakes and oysters around the table. This was completely foreign to Marc. In his family, with 5 brothers, you order and eat your own food. There are no tastes of others’ selections and more important nobody was asks for tastes of your food. Marc obliged, after all he was still a boyfriend, but was not happy about this sharing. It wasn’t until our entrees arrived that Marc realized sharing had its benefits. In a predominantly female family, there was plenty of excess and half-portions left for Marc to enjoy.

Sharing food can be tricky business. For Marc it was relinquishing some of his food, the actual act of sharing, that wasn’t natural after years of duking it out for the extra piece of chicken with his brothers. For many of my clients sharing food is difficult when you are trying to eat healthfully. Tonight I’m heading to dinner for a friend’s birthday. We’re going to a tapas restaurant which means sharing will be involved. It’s hard to know how much you eat when you have a little of this and a little of that. Furthermore, when you share everyone is ordering and your friends may not care if crispy really means fried beyond recognition.

So what to do? Short of refusing to share, a few tips:

• Drunk driving is terrible but drunk ordering isn’t so good either. It’s always a good idea to order with a clear head. Lots of things sound better after a cocktail.
• Whenever possible serve yourself all food on one plate so that you can get a visual of what you are eating. When food doesn’t arrive at once, try to keep mental log of what you ate (1 chicken sate, 1 lettuce wrap etc).
• Put your two cents in. Even if it’s not exciting, make sure among the dishes ordered there’s a salad, side order of vegetables or plainer item. If others do not eat these, that’s fine more for you.
• You are not a toddler and the days are over when you have to try everything. I was with my soon-to-be nutritionist friend Sue yesterday and told her about this post. She remarked “if I don’t order cream sauces on my own, I’m not eating them when others order.” While one bite of something will not derail you, a bunch of bites add up.
• And finally, the extra couple of dishes that get ordered with tapas are generally unnecessary. Ever leave a cocktail party assuming you would need dinner and realize you’ve had enough? If not, pay close attention next time. A few small plates, a drink or 2 is plenty.

I will let you know how the sharing goes tonight. How do you fare with shared food? Any tips?