That one comment about your weight that sticks

A few times each week, I meet with a new Foodtrainers’ client. In these meetings we cover many of the things you’d expect. We discuss sleep and hydration, omega 3’s all that nutritiony/wellness stuff. I also like to gather a little history, a weight history, medical history etc. I start with the basics but always ask “when do you recall first thinking about weight” or “what were your parents like, were they big on compliments or critical?” The answers to these questions say a lot.  The truth is you can be overweight or underweight, gorgeous or homely and there are often a few comments (negative or positive) that stick with you.

“You have such a pretty face”

“I just don’t want you to end up alone”

“I don’t want this to cause you the pain it has caused me”

I know, from these meetings, that 50 years can go by and these quotes are fresh in my client’s minds. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to utter that one comment that my children will come back to. That one statement that flies out of your mouth and fucks your kids up forever. I know better, I have nutrition degrees and yet I mess up.

A little story, when one of my boys was little (1) I went to the pediatrician. My husband urged me to go,so you know I’m not the only crazy one. I asked the doctor about my son’s forehead. It seemed to protrude a little. My husband had pediatric neurosurgery so there was some basis for concern (or justification). I gave the doctor the background and he looked at my son. He then looked at me…closely. “Can you move your hair a bit?” he asked. I did. “Yup, I see what you mean. He has something called frontal lobing.” I didn’t have time to be concerned because he added, “and so do you it’s harmless, just the shape of your skull.” Years later said son discovered hair gel. The first time he tried a little bang off the forehead action I didn’t miss a beat “you can’t do that, your forehead protrudes and so does mine.” Yup, the good news is that he continued to sculpt his bangs “mom you don’t know what you’re talking about, I look good.” Excellent, future therapy averted (great) but I’m raising a narcissist .

And it’s not just parents and children. Friends, spouses and even bosses say things. Some comments are downright mean; others just sting because they are true. So what to do? Of course try your best not to be nasty. Nasty hurts even if there’s no basis for it. Second, if you’ve said something you regret- discuss it. “Did that hurt?” Or, “I wish I had said   _____” can open up a discussion. I am reading a book called Mindset by Carol Dweck. One interesting suggestion she makes id not to laud what people are naturally given. We don't control these things. Instead reward effort and work and encourage behaviors such as cooking or activity versus the result (weight loss or weight gain).
And finally, focus on how someone feels. An acquaintance mentioned she saw a relative who was much larger than in the past. I asked her how she handled this and she said  "I said, You’ve gained so much weight." Obviously we feel comfortable enough with family members to say things like this but I suggested, “you’ll probably do a lot more and help more if you ask how he is doing?” After all weight is never really about the weight.

What comments about your size or appearance have stuck with you? If you are a parent, have any “stingers” ever come out of your mouth? Have you ever noticed my forehead?

Gleeful Glutton or Meager Eater?

(This is from a post I wrote for my favorite site Blisstree)

Yesterday I was reading a blog that referred to the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas as “The Eating Season.” I hadn’t heard this specific phrase before, but in my line of work, I certainly can’t escape talk of festive foods and highly caloric holiday treats during this time of year. Clients are fearful that they’ll indulge and backslide, and the media is full of strategies and tips (some coming from yours truly) to allegedly improve habits and quell this fear. I say “allegedly,” because I often feel like all this treat-talk and holiday help may be doing more harm than good.

 I would argue that there are multiple “eating seasons.” This month we’re thinking latkes, Christmas cookies, and chocolate Santas, but pretty soon it’s chocolates for Valentine’s Day, macaroons for Passover, candy on Easter, and — before you know it — time for some hot dogs and at least a few margaritas. So there’s actually no one time of year to fear, no Christmas conspiracy, just some holiday foods and parties to navigate just as you do other food-centric celebrations, so take a deep breath.

Pick your Pleasure

When I suggest navigating seasonal selections, I’m met with questions like the one Blisstree’s Christine Egan posited: “Can we discipline ourselves to not succumb to all those holiday food triggers, without feeling like we’re totally depriving ourselves of any and all holiday fun?”

My answer? If this season being an edible minefield is the first eating exaggeration, then the idea that budgeting has to be boring is the second. As adults, most of us are adept at impulse control. If not, I would’ve slept until 10 a.m. this morning (not 5 a.m.), skipped my workout, and grabbed a corn muffin on my way to work in my PJs (if I went to work at all). While my reality couldn’t be more different, I don’t feel deprived. And sure, there are always plenty of holiday food triggers, but availability doesn’t necessarily need to lead to indulgence. If that were true, I would’ve had cheese 20 times on my way to the office in addition to the corn muffin. So pick your pleasure.

I am someone who can live without a latke so with Hanukkah celebrations this past week I was fine to forego lotsa latkes. On Christmas Eve, on the other hand, I would gladly skip dinner or presents or Santa versus eschewing my brother-in-law’s homemade egg nog (spiked, of course). What are the holiday foods and beverages you think you cannot live without? I’ll grant you those, but you need to know the foods (other than fruitcake) that you can pass up. But this isn’t black-and-white situation; you don’t need to join the gleeful gluttons or the meager eaters.

Where there’s celebratory there should be Spartan

Finally, I'd like you to think of December 22 or December 28. These days aren't Hanukkah or Christman or Kwanzaa. You're not likely to attend a holiday party or gathering every single day. There are many days during the "eating season" that are "regular" December days. Keep these days slightly Spartan. Skip the sweets and the carbs and work out for an hour. If you implement a couple of these days per week, you'll balance out that egg nog and won't get mistaken for Santa Claus (okay, maybe make that a 90 minute workout).

What are your favorite holiday foods? What is your method for monitoring them?