It was October 29th, the day of the weirdly early snowstorm in NYC, my Blackberry buzzed indicating an email. The email was from a client but not just any client; this client was supremely driven to look fierce at her upcoming birthday bash. Our whittling work started months ago and momentum has been steadily building toward the 11-11-11 party date. We’ll nickname her B (for birthday). B has been mentally filed in my unstoppable category. The email read, “I ended my run on 59th Street which just so happens to be the site of my husband's office. Since he's slammed with work, I bought some coffee and surprised him. While there, he offered me half a bagel."
My heart skipped a beat but it turns out that B resisted the bagel and reminded her man of her birthday plan. I congratulated B on her snowy run and bagel resistance. I then asked, “what are we going to do about Mr. Bagel?” She replied:
Mr. Bagel is 6'1" and has weighed within the same 5 lb. range for at least 20 years. What do you do when you're married to a handsome, rail thin man with the metabolism of a 25 year old who can eat whatever he wants? It's like I'm married to the male version of Heidi Klum. (And isn't it nice that I think of him that way?) To be fair to Mr. Bagel, he does do many things right. He just can indulge when he wants without consequence. Me, not so much.
I told B I could relate. My husband’s version of being good is skipping the second beer or the kids’ cookies. A few days of this sham stringency and I have to listen to “I feel really good.” Most men are metabolically superior to women and somehow our lack of noticeable nose hair or gender-based chance at a couple of extra years doesn’t seem like a fair trade. My advice:
- Remind Mr. Bagel (all “misters” are forgetful) that love isn’t expressed in carbs but with green juice, salmon and calorie free jewelry. I have learned, the hard way, that men sometimes need the ground rules spelled out.
- Another tactic that works is to appeal to aesthetics. “Eating bagels may work for you but giving me a bagel is essentially giving me a muffin top.” It’s then his choice of a fierce of flabby wife.
- For some men, a scientific explanation can be effective. Men like knowing how things work. “A bagel is equivalent to 6 pieces of white bread which breaks down to sugar which in high amounts predisposes you to diabetes and heart disease.” A little exaggeration never hurts. We’re women after all, right?
- And while I’m not suggesting this before Friday, sometimes it’s good to keep Mr. Bagel sated and surprised (and I’m not talking about that) so in rare circumstances I do suggest having the crappy bagel. It’s all about trade offs and in my experience that buys you about five healthy fish and vegetable meals.
B, I would be happy your Mr. Bagel is the male Heidi Klum and that “you feel that way”. Other Mr. Bagel’s look this this.
Have a happy birthday and a great party. You’ve worked hard and it shows and you can probably guess what I’m getting you for your birthday…
Do you have a Mr. Bagel in your life? It can be a friend, family member or coworker. How do you silence a saboteur? How do you manage food or metabolic differences in your relationship? Ever run in a snowstorm?
My guy is similar. Athlete in his youth, naturally prefers moving around to sitting, naturally prefers to eat only when hungry and only to the point of feeling full. Naturally still within 5 pounds of when we first started dating 9 yrs ago. ME? Not so much. When we first started dating (and then living in sin) I would get really worked up about his diet. I felt like such a fatty being hungry when he wasn't and then not feeling like I could eat what he wanted to eat. We've ironed out the kinks and now I do the shopping and he does the cooking and we both eat healthy, but it was such a struggle at the start.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I ran in that f-ing snow storm on Saturday the 27th and nearly died. Not really. But I did wait until it was at its worst to try and run home from Exhale Spa (going over the QBB I had an ice storm slapping me in the face and 5 inches of icewater at my feet) and had to dodge falling snow drifts. I did not like it.
It's so common, it's hard enough to find someone you mesh with but to mesh eating habits? Rough. So you ran over the bridge in that storm? Crazy. Speaking of crazy, that woman on twitter? Um sense of humor much? She must have been traumatized in a group exercise class, not my fault.
ReplyDeleteMy wife lives on ice cream and cereal. If I look at food wrong I gain weight. There are just some things I don't let her buy for the house......mostly dessert type foods.
ReplyDeleteBut ugh......weight cycling during my wrestling days still screws me up
Mr. Bagel would have been another great name for my blog... Thank you for reading, btw. It is wierd - someone I've seen on TV reading about my journey to a svelte, pre-boyfriend self.
ReplyDeleteI've explained to Boyfriend how eating "his" foods all the time makes me feel bad -not just self-esteem bad, but also physically bad. He only wants me to be happy, so as I've gotten more chipper with the weight loss and proper fuel, he's become more and more of a supporter.
The bigger problem? I love bagels.
So true about finding someone whose eating habits you mesh with. My last boyfriend was a vegetarian. I had to argue to, like, bring eggs into the house, but I did it anyway and he shut up about it. On the flip side, he was the type to ply me with coffee and fresh-made coconut water, so that part wasn't so bad.
ReplyDeleteNow that I'm single again for the first time in 4 years, I admit I'm a little anxious about what it will be like getting to know someone and their eating habits. A lot of men, when they find out I'm training to be an RD, say things like, "Maybe you can help me. I eat really unhealthily." They should be careful what they wish for! I'm a stickler about vegetables.
Congrats to your client for sticking to her guns! I don't really have a Mr. Bagel my life in that my husband has never tried to sabotage what I eat, but he does have that annoying male metabolism thing going on too! If his weight creeps up a little he simply cranks up the P 90X workouts and is back to his normal weight almost in an instant. SO annoying!!! And, I've tun in pouring rain before, but never in a snow storm :-)
ReplyDeleteEA- not many Cali snow storms, right? Annoying male metabolisms (no fair). Jess, with a clean slate you can weed out the Mr Bagels- fresh coconut water, ooh. "Chubby" when I read your blog description I thought of this post. Eating and relationships a great topic. And agreed, most mates want their partner happy and when that's understood there is a lot of eating compromise that can happen. And I love reading about everyones journey.
ReplyDeleteAhhh yes I am married to a Mr. Bagel. 6'6", handsome, thin, and he can eat a large bowl of REAL vanilla ice cream topped w/ peanut butter and pumpkin butter every night w/o gaining weight.
ReplyDeleteThe only time he ever gained weight was when we lived in CO for a short while and he had a desk job so he wasn't moving around much.
this post cracks me up! i oddly have the opposite problem. i'm ms. bagel and have a somewhat fast metabolism compared to my mr. who struggles to keep up with my ability to eat indulgently more often than not. (note: i exercise, he doesn't.) one day i know this will change, though, and we'll probably be on the same page, saving bagels for a once in awhile special treat :)
ReplyDeleteI went through the same thing with me ex. He would often bring home unhealthy foods and, of course, offer them up to me. It was very difficult for me to resist..all the time.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is a little overweight, but should be enormous if you consider what he eats! I gained 30 pounds trying to keep up with him, so I quit. Now we have mostly separate foods at meals. It was easier that way. I have the feeling this will be the year I run in a snow storm.
ReplyDeleteCaron- you will totally have snowy runs and I can't wait to hear. Do you really have totally separate meals? Kristen- good reason for the ex being an ex-kidding. And Sophia how sexist of me, women can be pro-bagel too. From your blog I think Mrs Ice Cream is a better name. And Lisa, I wish I was 6'6" it would be so fun to eat as a 6'6" person.
ReplyDeleteHAHA! I know. I thought it was also funny that she called you out on being judgmental...isn't that judgmental in and of itself? I have never billed myself as a positive person. Sarcastic? Yes. Bitter? Maybe. Funny? I hope so! But "Positive"? Whatevs.
ReplyDeleteLauren, how funny and inspirational as I barrel toward my last chance weigh in tomorrow before the big party. Turning the bagel down, particularly after a long run in the rain, was empowering. I have learned so much from you and your blog. I am forever grateful, not only for the help in looking more like 20 at 40, but also for changing my outlook on food and eating (which I have learned are not one and the same).
ReplyDeleteMr. Bagel is also learning... he admitted he was going to surprise me by sending a cake to my board meeting this morning, but thought better of it.
"Calorie free jewelry." That one definitely goes in the clip and save file.
Love, Mrs. B (B is for Birthday - NOT Bagel!)
I'm married to Mr. Twinkie...and ice cream...and beer/liquor...and anti-exercise (aka Mr. Muffintop). We are quite the odd couple.
ReplyDeleteI have a Mr. Bagel in my life. He works in the bush and essentially walks for 10 hours a day so he has never had a weight issue. But he is very considerate of my own goals and food choices. Case in point, when I get the desire to bake he always takes the final product to work so it is out of the house for me. It does bother me though when he tells me he loves me just the way I am, because although this is sweet it doesn't mean I am happy with my current shape :)
ReplyDeleteI have no choice but to run in the snow! Yesterday the trail I was running on was covered in leaves, pine needles and snow. It was slippery!
Jenny, I'm with you "I love you just the way you are" can be misinterpreted especially by those of us who find the sinister meaning in body comments. When I complain, my Mr Bagel says "so maybe run more" - I'd prefer "I love you just the way you are" I think. Maybe not. Kelly- Mr Twinkie uh oh, Mr Twinkie and Fitness Kelly, so opposites do attract. Mrs B- xo!
ReplyDeleteMy husband is as thin as a rail. I try to MAKE him eat so he'll gain weight but it's impossible for him to gain weight. He eats bagels, cookies, carbs galore and not one pound. I try not to compare...I know that life isn't fair. :(
ReplyDeleteIt's always easier for my husband to lose weight and to keep it off...but such is life. I enjoyed this, it made me smile. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's always easier for my husband to lose weight and to keep it off...but such is life. I enjoyed this, it made me smile. :)
ReplyDeleteCalorie Counter Iphone
THanks Ayala, smiles are good this wasn't such a serious post. And Ameena, what do you mean life isn't fair?
ReplyDeleteI am married to a Mr Ice Cream/ Steak/ cupcake who does not gain weight the way I do. His secret is that he only has one or two bites at a time. The result is that he will buy a box of cupcakes, have a bite of one and then the box just lies there egging me to eat them all! Not ideal.
ReplyDeleteSam- wow so Mr Small Portion Ice Cream, that's a toughie. However, I've seen you and "gain weight the way I do"I could argue with.
ReplyDeleteThis really made me laugh - between my husband and his parents I have such a problem with this, and I love desserts and bagels alike. I can't even send my husband to the supermarket for a couple of things without him coming home with a bag full of unauthorized purchases - chips, ice cream bars, pretzels, you name it. A bunch of stuff I don't keep in the house for good reason. And my in-laws, every time they have us over for a meal at their house it's like a junk-food fest. With enough junk for twice as many people!
ReplyDeleteUnauthorized purchases- I can relate.
ReplyDeleteUgh, EVERY boyfriend I have ever had is "Mr.Bagel". Well actually, a college boyfriend (and decathlete) was Mr. "I eat eggs cooked in bacon grease and a half a coffee cake just for breakfast, yet I am still only 4% body fat". I just tell them to not offer me food or snacks while they are munching in front of the tv at night, in the car, etc!
ReplyDeleteAnd as far as running in a snowstorm - ALL the time. LOVE IT! :-)
Hah my boyfriend is"Mr. Bagel." He sits on the couch and eats chips, fries, cookies, etc while I run and try to eat my healthy meals. I just try to block it all out!
ReplyDelete