Do doctors fat shame?

Weight commentary sticks. In practically every initial nutrition session with clients, I hear of a family member, coach, doctor or boyfriend/girlfriend who once said something about their appearance or size. And 10 or 20 or 50 years later, these remarks can be repeated verbatim.

And so, when I received this, in an email, yesterday, I took it seriously.

Loved your last two blogs - saved me from watching "what the health?" (Which everyone is recommending). Here's a blog idea on how confusing/hard it is to raise girls with a healthy body image. Took my 2.5-year-old in for her check-up and was told her BMI is "high" (over 85%). I thought the pediatrician was kidding but then he said no, part of his job is now fat shaming two year olds.

We are all sensitive when it comes to our kids or we should be. I was shocked when my pediatrician suggested I take one son to the eye doctor (I thought he was overreacting). And yet, I almost fell out of my chair when I witnessed his eye exam. At every check-up when the pediatrician plots their height and weight on growth charts, I'm anxious about the results. I could get into how growth charts are developed and my issues with BMI, as a measure, but I don’t think that’s necessary. Doctors would be remiss if they didn’t test and plot and share results with parents.

However, I don’t think young children need to hear from doctors or nurses about their height and weight. As a parent, you can request to be the one who filters this information, decide if it’s important to share and what action to take. We don’t see young children at Foodtrainers because we feel that parents (or adults) food shop and make the majority of food decisions a certain age.

I think it’s difficult to raise children, regardless of gender, with a healthy body image. One approach is to focus on non-physical characteristics. Even if it’s positive, if we are always commenting on children’s appearance, we’re sending the message this is most important. Try to note when your child is kind or diligent or patient. I also avoided, and this may be surprising, conversations about nutrition until my boys were old enough to ask We have wholesome food in the house (and good versions of snacks and treats) and home cooked meals. We are active and so are the kids. As simple as this sounds, I think basics and a foundation of sound habits are key.

With young children, you can shield them from callous or potentially hurtful comments, to a certain degree. But the goal isn’t to raise kids with healthy body images. Our goal should be to raise kids with healthy self-images so when comments about their weight, intelligence, athleticism or character come their way, they don't internalize them for decades.

Are Rail Thin Models a Problem?

Friday, on Facebook, a friend posted this ad from the JC Penny circular. This particular image comes from the company Joe Fresh. Her comment “jumping off the page is a young girl whose legs look like someone from a concentration camp. I AM APPALLED THAT COMPANIES ARE ADVERTISING WITH MODELS OF THIS SIZE. It sends an unhealthy message to our girls.”

My initial reaction was that she let the company know. As popular as shock value is, I cannot imagine that was Joe Fresh’s intention in their efforts to sell jeans. Throughout the day, as I thought more about this, my opinion changed and I reposted.  “While these women are super skinny, I wonder why we harp only on the weight of models sending the wrong message. What about the fact that they are gorgeous-er than us? These are not meant to be average women any more than an NHL star in an SI add is an average athlete, hmn.” Sure, being a professional athlete isn’t a dangerous aspiration but it’s still unrealistic. Yes, I like it when ads are relatable but a teenage, rail-thin, wrinkle less model isn’t relatable for more reasons than weight.

Someone else added:

Imagine if they were obese. Would we be irate? Probably not. We might be confused or surprised but not irate. And we should be because [and yes, I just watched Weight of the Nation] that is an equally unhealthy message to send to our kids.

We are undoubtedly influenced by the media; this has been confirmed by research. Images can stoke insecurity. I just don’t believe media messages “give” us eating disorders anymore than they give us obesity. Do I like a Coke commercial? No, I would much rather a “water” commercial. Fortunately, though many discussions, my kids now know all about soda, the awful ingredients and intentions via advertising to make us want to buy it. 

Eating disorders are yucky, scary and complicated. “Thinspiration” exits but it’s only one of dangerous arenas luring children. When I have sessions with eating disordered clients we spend way more time talking about their families and their friends, comments others make and emotional triggers than we do ads. I recently read the children are more receptive to conversations about weight and health when teenagers dole out the advice. I see that as a way to make inroads in this conversation with young people about body image and the media, about what's realistic and about what isn't. 

And there’s the other “modeling”, are we modeling healthy eating habits, positive self talk and balance to our daughters and sons? Are we asking them about print ads, billboards and commercials? The newspaper circular can be a teaching tool. Which photos do you like? What do young people see when they look at the image above (and others)? If they were making it or "the boss" would they change anything? And these questions are equally important for male and female children. Boys need to know that these girls above are not "average". We need to control what we can control because whether it’s a fast food commercial or a stick thin model, the images are here to stay.

What do you think about the ad above and others like it? What do you think is the answer to all of this?

Lena Dunham and The Beauty Experiment

Many more "girls" look like this than any Victoria's Secret model

I don’t read Playboy, I’m not informed enough to know whether people do “read” Playboy but I read an interview they did with Lena Dunham. In this piece, she is asked what she would do if she woke up in the body of a Victoria Secret model.  Lena mentions she’d be freaked out “I don’t want to go through life wondering if people are talking to me because I have a big rack. Not being the babest person in the world creates a nice barrier.” As I read, part of me admired how grounded she sounded but a much larger part of me thought yeah right and I wouldn’t want to have a house on the beach in Hawaii, what would happen if there was a storm? This was all before I had ever seen a single episode of Girls. Let me be honest, this was before I binged on HBO on demand’s first two seasons of Girls.

Have you seen the show? I know I was late to the party; Girls follows a group of 20-something friends living in Brooklyn. As much as I hate using the word, it feels like an “honest” glimpse off dating, work, friendship and all the messiness involved with finding your way. The characters are quirky, the main character Hannah is played by Dunham who also directs the show. Dunham is often undressed. There’s nothing unique about that except for Dunham’s seeming total lack of self-consciousness about her body. In one episode, Duhnam plays ping pong in her underwear in the way a young child would before they realize clothes are worn for certain activities.

Let’s be clear, Dunham’s body is very average. This is not the busty, bronzed, groomed and posed world of Victoria’s Secret. This is basic underwear, lumps and bumps, the things we all tend to cover up. I work with women all day long and I could not figure out where such a lack of body angst comes from. After all if you create a show, you can decide when and how often you disrobe.

While away last week, I read The Beauty Experiment. The book’s author Phoebe Baker Hyde was living in Hong Kong with her husband and young daughter. She felt she was overly distracted by the trappings of appearance. For one year she goes on a beauty fast foregoing makeup, buying new clothes, paying for haircuts, hair removal- you name it. The premise was if she was fixated on her looks, what else was she missing?  In some manner, when Hyde frees up time previously spent on makeup application and shopping she feels liberated. In other ways, new insecurities flourish with a bad haircut, old clothes and no “concealer”. At one point in the book when Phoebe shares the concept of her experiment with friends, one friend replies “you’re not one of those women”.  While she may not have ever been covered in jewels and decked out every day when it comes to that critique or as Hyde calls it “The Voice” most of us are “those women.” Whether it’s appearance, parenting or related to our professions, we can relate to Hyde’s frustration  “the distance between me and the person I needed to become seemed insurmountable”. As with Dunham, in The Beauty Experiment I saw something real, something most of us don’t share that much or aren’t proud of.

I was disheartened while reading a scene when Hyde looks through teenage pictures of herself and laments that her boyfriend-less, chubby 16 year old self and her 30-something self are in many ways the same. I would hope that The Voice is softened, at least a little, with age. This week, we were away in Mexico. I’ve mentioned it before but Mexico was the first vacation I took with my then boyfriend and now longtime husband Marc. At one point in the trip, Marc joked “oh my god do you remember yourself then?” How could I forget, I ran laps around  “the trail” the size of a tennis court because I was losing my mind without a gym and changed multiple times before getting dressed to go out. Almost 20 years later, I remember my blue bathing suit and bad beach hair but cannot name the hotel we stayed in. 

Why did he marry me?

  Last night, as we sat with the boys enjoying our last guacamole of the trip and a not-so-Santana-ish mariachi Oye Como Va a young and lithe college-aged woman jogged past our table.  On a street full of restaurants, she stuck out like a sore thumb. “What- she just has to get in a workout before going out” Marc observed. There’s hope for the Mexico jogger. While we had an active trip, I didn’t go to the gym the whole time. I may never be a “Lena” but “The Voice” is very different than it was in college.

Do you worry you spend too much time thinking about your appearance? How do you think you become “a Lena”? Do you find your “Voice” has changed over time? What would your Beauty Experiment or “fast” look like?