In order to be beautiful cease all efforts to improve yourself

I am not writing about Gwyneth again but this story starts with her. Simon Doonan (perhaps you’ll recall his hilarious book Gay Men Don’t Get Fat) took issue with People calling Gwyneth the most beautiful woman in the world or “MBWITW” and it’s not because he doesn’t think she’s beautiful. Rather, Doonan suggests, via Slate,  that efforts to improve your looks actually detract from beauty.

Her strenuous efforts to achieve perfection—thrashing around a gym morning noon and night with Tracy Anderson and eating nothing but plankton and kale juice—leave us all shrieking, “What would she look like if you took away her battery of Pilates gurus and aura cleansers?

I’ll answer Doonan’s question, she’d still look great. Or let’s ask Doonan how he’d look without a shower, haircut or the great looks he puts together for Barney’s. Perhaps when women discuss their regimes, something I applaud, it takes away from the mystique but even if it doesn’t involve kale or exercise, most women have beauty rituals. Even Liz Taylor and Catherine Deneuve who Doonan feel were worthy of MBWITH status didn’t roll out of bed looking like that, please.

I’d argue that in order to be crowned the most beautiful woman in the world, you should be living your life full-throttle rather than tormenting yourself with some deranged, ascetic self-maintenance regimen. Non?

Part of me can see where Doonan is going with this. There is nothing more beautiful that someone, seemingly carefree, enjoying their life. However, why is it assumed that exercise involves torment? Personally, I feel more deranged when I’m off my “regimen” than on it. Is Doonan talking about his image of an ideal woman? It doesn’t seem he’s talking about real women, that’s for sure.

And Doonan doesn’t stop, for someone who feels beauty should be effortless, he sure has a lot of prerequisites. After fashion week he remarked:

But the most beautiful woman in the world should also have a cheeky demeanor and a decent rack. Sadly, these two attributes were in short supply.

The Slate article closes with Doonan’s request for entries into his MBWITW contest. I wish I was capable of illustration because the woman Doonan describes is a cartoon character with a rack and a smile, living her life full throttle. She’s not just beautiful but “the most beautiful” and achieving this status is effortless. She’s accepting the “pat on the head” and “goody bag” Doonan is offering as MBWITW.  I don’t know about you but all of this makes me want to go out for a run and if that makes me ugly and ascetic- awesome.

What do you think makes a woman beautiful? Why do you think exercise and food regimes, to the uninitiated, seem torturous? Do you think most women, even if they don't discuss it, have beauty or food systems?

Is Your Eating Gay Or Straight?

I am normally quite critical of those without nutrition training writing nutrition books or telling people what to eat. I’ll make exceptions when the advice is smart, funny or, naturally, when its something I agree with. In Wednesday’s Dining Times I read an article about Simon Doonan’s new book “Gay Men Don’t Get Fat”.  Immediately, the fact that Mr Doonan is the creative ambassador at Barneys went out the beautiful window, I was drawn in and laughing out loud.

Jeff Gordinier, the author states, “one of the tongue-in-cheek propositions of Mr. Doonan’s book is that the vast range of the world’s culinary options can be boiled down to two core categories: gay food and straight food.”

Some examples of gay food are:

Baby Arugula

Baked Chips

Sushi

Figs and Dates

Food that's“lighter and brighter, it feels art-directed”

Straight Food:

Meat

Cheese

Stews

Fried Food

Mexican Food

Black Angus meatloaf on a menu is described as “the Burt Reynolds of foods.”

Lest you think gay food is healthy and straight food is not macarons, the French cookie, are gay. Mr. Doonan says, “I can’t believe any red-blooded straight guy can even walk into a macaron shop. If you want to ruin a politician’s career, just publish a picture of him shopping for macarons.” 

When I finished the article I stopped for a moment and thought something I never have before…according to Simon Doonan’s criteria I may very well be a gay male or eat like one anyway. So if, as a straight woman, I identify more with gay male food, is the converse true too?  Nope, according to Mr Doonan, lesbian food is “earthy and healthful”. Examples are organic olive oil, thick porridge and heaping helpings of wheat germ. But in the Venn diagram of sexual orientation stereotypes and eating “whole grain bread is both ferociously lesbian and wildly heterosexual.”

My graphic design skills are severely limited but observe some groups overlap

While I contemplated arugula and googled Gay Men Don’t Get Fat I found all different theories on the subject, have fun and try to guess “the real reason gay men don’t get fat” according to Gawker. It’s much saucier than my one (grass-fed organic) beef with Mr Doonan. You see, Mr Doonan is anti-avocado. The distinction between straight female eating and gay male eating may be a lack of fat phobia among straight females. Or maybe avocados are “earthy and healthy” and a lesbian food. My friend, upon reading this article declared “I think I’m bisexual as I love sushi and Mexican.  So there are exceptions to every generalization.

As fate would have it at 2:16 yesterday, while I was writing this post, Barney’s sent an email informing me of a signing for Gay Men Don’t Get Fat tomorrow (Saturday) from 3-5pm at the New York Madison Avenue store.  I’ll be in Vermont eating what Doonan would call “hetero” food but maybe you can go.

Do you find poking fun at stereotypes offensive or fun? Is your eating gay or straight? Did you guess the real reason gay men don’t get fat without clicking on the link?