It Was Me All Along

I read two types of books. For work it’s mostly non-fiction. There’s a stack of books staring at me on fascinating topics such as probiotics, hormones and seeds. On the weekends, I’ll treat myself a novel, something I can read more than one chapter of at a time. Though I like anything nutrition-related, rarely am I captivated by something I’m reading for work. However, I spent most of Saturday on the couch with It Was Me all Along. And if you’ve ever struggled with food or family, you will cherish Andie Mitchell’s story.

I do something weird while I read (and I randomly found out another friend does too). I fold the bottom of the page in a book if there’s something I want to return to. I had so many corner flips as I read this one. A few of my favorites:

Where does emotional eating begin?

Without giving too much away, in the first part of the book you learn about Andie’s early years. In a way both of her parents were absent. But it was her mother who was “scared of scarcity” and baked and cooked excessively when she was around who had a steady influence on Andie’s food and weight.  When she was around, we get the picture of a loving mom who truly wants what’s best for her daughter.

Change of circumstances, change of eating?

As I read, I thought surely when Andie left home and went off to college she’d be less lonely and her food might fall into place.  I was wrong, what started off as eating out of loneliness morphed into social eating. She found friends and entered relationships with those who enjoyed overeating too. In many ways, for better or for worse, our peers have an effect on our eating.

The realizations that start to change things

At one point, after visiting a drive through with a friend, Andie remarks she doesn’t even like McDonald’s fries “I wondered how many other foods I ate that I didn’t even like. Then I wondered, however briefly, if my eating was even about liking food at all”. Eating can be about so many non-taste related things. As Andie said best, “whenever I started to feel even one inkling of boredom, doubt, anxiety or anger, food would soothe me. At least temporarily.”

There are always “two voices”

Andie captures the struggle, the pull of “both voices” many of us have.  “I struggled between wishing away all the food that had collected on my body as fat and fiercely missing every morsel.”

What to do when things aren’t going so well

I loved a breakthrough Andie had when she was wavering “oh so this is going to suck for a while”. She compares eating to a marathon “where miles 10 through twenty-six just purely, uncompromisingly suck. ” It’s not always fun and many of us have to realize that.

Mindful Eating

Some of my favorite parts of this book are when Andie goes abroad to Italy. She discovers running and cooking but also pleasure in food. It’s a major, meaningful and beautiful shift going  “from someone who ate to capacity to distract her mind, into someone who purposefully tasted every morsel, was not unconscious”

We can lose weight without really addressing things

 “I wanted so badly to conceal the fact that, despite a radical transformation, I remained as screwed up as I had been. I was alone with myself. I was exposed. I was left with emotions I’d eaten for twenty years”

And finally…

“I was simply one person who happened to have lots of history and personal experience with dieting, losing weight and learning to love her whole self”

Have you read or heard of this book? Which quote resonated with you? What are you reading now?

This is Why You're Not Losing Weight

I totally missed Tracy Mcmillan’s article “This is WhyYou’re Not Married” perhaps because I am married (Tracy can we have an article on that) but from what I gather it caused quite a stir. It’s touchy for someone to point out why you’re “not” something you want to be. If relationships are difficult to discuss, I spend my days focused an equally touchy subject and that of course is weight. From day to day, I see many roadblocks that exist between men and women and their goals. I don’t have all the answers but I do have experience. See if you spot yourself in any of these.

You think the answer to the weight question lies in what you’re eating- we have a checklist on new client questionnaires. Checklists are a little sneaky in that questions listed don’t’ feel so “big”. New clients rate on a scale of 1, 2 or 3 what they’d like to cover in their sessions. One item on the list is “assistance with emotional eating”. Nobody gives that item a 1 (indicating it’s unimportant). And yet, when we sit down to meet, about half of new clients will say “well I don’t binge or anything like that.” OK that’s helpful but if you feel yourself headed for the cabinets after getting off a stressful phone call. Or, if you’ve ever uttered, “I’ll do that once I lose some weight” you’re weight is about more that “just liking food” or an extra glass of wine.

Your workouts get more attention than your diet- I love the fact that fitness has taken off. I don’t know if it’s the branding from studios such as soul cycle and flywheel or that there are so many interesting options (step aerobics was not for everyone) but fewer and fewer clients come in for their first session not working out. On the contrary, many exercise multiple days a week and there they are sitting in my client chair. So here’s the deal, you can’t exercise away a poor diet (I may have mangled a phrase Carolyn uses all the time). And if you’re saying, “my diet isn’t poor” well how about the fact that diet determines about 75% of the weight picture? You absolutely need exercise for your health but if you’re looking to reduce be sure your shopping list gets more attention than that workout schedule.

You’re focused on what you’re doing right- perhaps you exercise (you now know my thoughts on that subject), eat salad and hydrate, that’s all good. However, we don’t get to pick and choose what holds us pack. As I discussed a plan of attack with a client last week she looked at me and said “but I already do so much that’s good”.  I sometimes call this the spoiled brat syndrome (don’t worry I told her so). This client wanted to lose weight but was only doing the parts of her Foodtraining that came easily to her while eating too many carbs and treats. I presented a challenge. I asked her to follow the plan I had outlined for a week. We know what happened, right? At the next visit this client, though initially stubborn, saw that a couple of areas were holding her back.

You’re waiting for the other shoe to drop (the “heavy” shoe)-I have another client I’ve only been seeing for a couple of months. She came in with a lot of longstanding, destructive habits and we’ve been steadily chipping away at them.

A couple of months into our work, she went on a vacation and was disappointed with her eating and said, “I just don’t see this happening it’s so easy to go back to how I used to eat.” That comment was a bigger red flag than any of the food consumed on the trip. I didn’t express my concern but helped her regroup. I knew mentally she was teetering. It took about a month but I waited for the right time and asked, “so do you see yourself sticking with this? Can you envision yourself at the weight you want to be?” She could and whatever you’re trying to do, if you want to do it (for good) you have to be able to picture it. I don’t care if it sounds corny you have to believe it to do it.

You lost weight and now want to discuss maintenance- Oh maintenance. As I say in LBT there is no finish line when it comes to weight loss. Did weight watchers start this? The idea of a “goal weight”? I wholeheartedly believe in goals but why in the world would we make progress in a certain area (therapy, fitness, work) and then jump ship? As much as the word “lifestyle” bugs me, whether it’s Foodtraining, gluten free, paleo or vegan if you find a regime that makes you feel energized and lean please stick to it. Sure, we have weeks where our eating is looser and others where it’s better, that’s OK. If you are waiting and expecting the rules to change once you make some progress or reach your “goal” you may have set the wrong goal.

Whatever it is, whether you have those same 5 pounds or 50 pounds to lose. If you’re just tired of not feeling your best and that’s taking up way too much mind time…chances are there’s something mentally or physically that needs adjusting. You know what they say; if we keep doing things the same way we get the same result. So pick the scenario or tip you relate to most. Admit “I do that”. And then you can make real progress.

Which of these tips is the most relatable for you? Why do you think so many people focus on exercise more than eating? Did you read the Tracy McMillan piece?

Are you like RFK?

So tempted to put a subtitle but you have an idea what I'd say

As much as I love new foods and nutrition information, we can’t lose sight of the basics. I am always going to be a fan of proper hydration, vegetables and food journaling. My clients who keep their food journals (aka as food diaries or food bibles) get better results. In an effort to emphasize the positive side of losing weight or changing behaviors, I have some clients keep a “Victory List”.  This list enumerates successful choices in the course of a day “resisted the cookie plate” or “packed lunch for the office”. 

A couple of weeks ago, I was reading the highbrow NY Post. The headline spoke of a sex diary RFK kept. RFK was a serial adulterer and though exact reasons aren’t known his wife took her life last year. At first, I was sickened to read of his conquests with 37 women interspersed with details about his wife and 4 children. Then I noticed a few things. RFK used the word “victory” on the days he resisted the urge to philander. He describes his exploits as his “biggest defect” and was actually content when he is imprisoned (for protesting) because there were no women around him. All of a sudden I was sympathetic. I relate to this; in some ways this is oddly similar to what I hear day in and day out in my office.

Sure, eating a cronut is different from eating…moving on. In most cases, emotional eating, binge eating or simply overeating does not devastate those closest to us. And yet food- resisting food and managing food is an overwhelming struggle for many people. RFK accounted for his affairs with a 1-10 scale. So 10 indicated having sex, I have no idea what that makes a 3. This has a striking resemblance to the minutes of cardio or “b” for binge my clients use.  If you think about it, we also describe “cheating” on our diets (though I don’t love that term when it comes to food).

We each have our defects. While I judged away reading about RFK’s, I never judge my clients. When they stray, I try to redirect them. I would do the same for a friend or family member who struggled with drinking (as Mary Kennedy did), drugs, gambling or any other dependency. Then why, if I envision finding a racy journal like this from Marc do I know I’d go apeshit (going apeshit may be my biggest flaw)?

Do you think sex and food are similar “defects”?  If not, why do we view them differently? Do you keep a journal or food journal? And what is your biggest defect?
Update: the winner of the Quinn popcorn giveaway is Elyse and the winner of the Manitoba hemp giveaway is Jordan, congratulations.

Dreamgirl before or after?

Yesterday, a client walked in for her session and the first thing out of her mouth was “what do you think of Jennifer Hudson’s weight loss?” The truth is, I had some thoughts on her massive weight loss but diplomatically deflected asking my client what she thought. She said “she was this seemingly confidently curvy woman and then lost all this weight.” I joked and compared it to a person who gives the impression they love their large nose and then has a nose job. It leaves you thinking perhaps they didn’t love it as much as they said they did.

I did a little google-ing and found that many people are happy for Jennifer, they think she looks great, are impressed with her weight loss post pregnancy and generally wish her well. There is though, along the lines of what my client mentioned, this undercurrent that she was a “real woman” before and “real women have breasts and curves.” This logic would categorize me as not especially real and I don’t necessarily subscribe to bigger or curvier being better. I can understand though how Jennifer before appeared she was not trying to fit a mold and Jennifer now seems molded. Sure, Jennifer doesn’t have an obligation to larger women to stay heavy, she isn’t the pudgy poster child but I think I wanted to believe she was “happy at any size” even if she is probably healthier now.

I also can’t help but connect the tragedy Jennifer experienced and her weight loss. This is complete speculation but in my experience, grief and loss often has one of two effects on weight. Either people turn to food for comfort, to numb some of the pain or they control their food. Perhaps Jennifer, though a Weight Watchers spokesperson, is exercising control of her food after life seemed so out of control. If that’s the case let’s watch out for too much weight watching, if you know what I mean.

Finally, and I know I am going to get myself in a little trouble here and that’s ok,is it terrible to say that some people look better heavier? We can look at Star Jones and now at Jennifer Hudson and if I had to be superficial and choose before or after, I would go with before. Shoot me.
What do you think of Jennifer Hudson’s weight loss? Do you tend to overeat or under eat when emotionally stressed? And do you think some people look better heavier?

Onion Ring Excuses

For some reason, the posts where I detail my dietary digressions or explain the embarrassing seem to stimulate the most feedback. Fast Food Slaytons and Potty Talk are 2 of these posts. In fact, after reading Potty Talk, a friend at a cocktail party said to me “I think of you every day you know” wink wink. And so something happened Monday night that I could easily overlook but after writing about Maca and green juices I feel I have to paint a full picture and get off my “healthy horse”.
I don’t write much about my family here and definitely not too much about my mother. When I talk about what I do for a living , my mother is still confused that people pay to talk about their food and weight loss. So while she doesn’t come up, you’ll need a little background information to set the scene here. My mother and I have always been close. She’s always been solid and straddled that line between being relaxed (no bedtimes or curfews growing up) and still parental (nobody gives better advice). Last June, my mother became a widow as my dad passed away after a long illness. We worried about my mother tremendously. We were of course grieving too but had our families to turn to. My mother was alone…but not for long.

In the fall my mother met someone at a photography class she enrolled in. Watching a parent date was new territory but we welcomed it and joked about it, that is, until it got serious. Suddenly my mother was cancelling plans with grandchildren, constantly checking her phone and texting her new beau. Roles radically reversed as I held my ears from TMI and declarations of love. As my sister Diana put it “nobody wants to hear about 71 year old sex!” While I joke, this has been difficult and my mom and I have drifted. We communicate via email and through my nanny most of the time. Monday night, at work, I got a call from my nanny that my mother was over. She was taking my boys out to dinner and sleeping over (cocktail please). After doing as much paperwork as I could justify, I left the office at 8pm.

I walked in to the apartment. My mother sat in the living room. My 6 year old was playing piano for her and she had a huge grin on her face. She told me they had been at Five Napkin Burger, that the boys were so easy, they ate so well and are so smart and handsome and loving and…anything else she could in an effort to butter me up. I was more in the mood to be bitter than buttered and excused myself to cook dinner in the kitchen. “Oh and Weston didn’t finish his onion rings so I brought them home, they’re on the counter.”

I feel we all have our food weaknesses. You can dangle a doughnut in front of my lips and I’m not tempted. I don’t have the urge to taste the cake at birthdays and if I never have a gummy anything for the rest of my life, I’ll survive. I like fried foods. I said it. My name is Lauren, I’m a nutritionist and I like, OK LOVE, fried foods. I like fried calamari and French fries, fried artichokes and fried clams. My son Myles covers his French Fries because though I may order the salad, I tend to sneak a few fries. I even have a no fries for July rule in place because fries, even 3, and bathing suits don’t go well together.

Back to Monday, I headed into the kitchen to make my shrimp stir fry and the cardboard box of onion rings said “hello Lauren.” I looked at the box and opened it. Two gargantuan onion rings sat overlapping, like Olympic rings. I didn’t think I should close the box and make my dinner, I didn’t think to cut off a small piece or any of the other mindful, nutritionisty things I normally would have. I didn’t think at all. I picked up ring #1 and ate it. I wasn’t thinking but if I was I would have noted that it was cold, semi-hard and not that tasty. After all, the woman who taught me “if it’s not delicious don’t eat it” was sitting on my couch probably sexting her boyfriend. I ate all of ring #1 while carefully measuring a tablespoon of expeller pressed canola oil for the stir fry. And as my shrimp sizzled, I returned to the kitchen island and the box. It occurred to me that I didn’t really want the other ring, I somehow remembered the first one not being all that great and with that picked up ring #2 and ate it anyway. So they were gone and not worth it and consumed in semi-violation of my no fry in July rule.

I could say my onion ring eating was because I was hungry and it was 8:30pm, I could say it was because they were sitting on my counter talking to me, I could do what I’ve never had reason to do and blame my mother but I will not make any onion ring excuses. I ate them and still had my mother in my living room. And so I did, what I tell clients to do (after having done exactly the opposite) and made the next meal on track. I enjoyed the shrimp stir fry and tucked my mother into the bottom bunk bed and went to sleep.
Do you like fried foods, what’s your food vice? Have you ever emotionally eaten and been completely aware of it? Do the 2 rings violate my no fry in July rule? Are your parents dating?