Office Offender- meet Cookie Push

It’s hard enough to walk the healthy walk with our own “stuff”. Our sleep, work stress, family life, hormones and cravings are obstacles on any given day. But so are other people and sometimes it’s not even the people closest to you. We spend a lot of time at work and coworkers can affect your behavior. In the Little Book of Thin I talked about the candy bowl person.  There’s usually one candy bowl person per workplace but there’s another type of office offender.

A few weeks ago, I opened the door from my office to our waiting room. A client* sat on the white couch with an It’s Sugar shopping bag next to her. She noticed that I noticed and said, “It’s not for me” and stood to come into my office.  I had to ask, “So who is it for?” “It’s for someone at work, she loves Reese’s” my client said and proceeded to pull out a package of peanut butter cups the size of a shoebox (a shoebox lid). We joked a little, she told me to take a photo for Instagram (I passed not knowing it would help this post) and switched gears.

This past Wednesday, I saw this same client again. I could tell she was aggravated from the instant I saw her. Before the two of us could sit down she started spewing details from her week. After a two-second intro she said, “and there’s this evil bitch in my office who bakes” I nodded. “And she doesn’t even eat what she bakes, she actually bakes things she dislikes.” This is actually fairly common but my client wasn’t finished and I could tell there needed to be gushing before guidance. “I come to Foodtrainers, another guy has his nutritionist, my boss is attempting paleo and the person next to me is gluten-fucking-free for real, like celiac. None of us want to eat this.”  For the record, gluten fucking free is a direct quote.

The candy bowl person mentioned generally doesn’t eat the candy but Candy Bowl and Cookie Push are a little bit different. The candy bowl person generally enjoys people congregating near them, they exchange Werthers or Starbursts for office Intel. I realize you may feel I’m being cynical, couldn’t it be Cookie Push has pure intentions and my trying to walk the healthy walk client is misinterpreting things?

If I’m betting…no. I do not know Cookie Push personally. However, it’s very common in eating disorders to constantly bake (for some reason it’s baking more than cooking) for others. Cookie Push likely enjoys the feeling of control in resisting the cookies while others indulge. This is very different form someone sending a popcorn tin for the holidays or putting a sweet in the break room once in a while.

What to do? You can unionize, rather than making things personal, ban together with the other office mates and thank Cookie Push for the goodies but say something to the effect of “it’s January and we’re trying to be healthy and we don’t have the resolve you have” wink, wink. Or, suggest “if you want to bring something in maybe something that’s not edible like office flowers or if it is food possibly something healthy.” Cookie Push will get the message. Or, you can do what my client did and fight flour with flour, the ginormo Reeses were for Cookie Push.

Do you agree with my assessment of Cooking Push? What would you do? Do you have a Candy Bowl or Cookie Push at work?

 *I received permission from my client to blog about this 

The Mother In-law Challenge

Last week, I was in my office for client sessions. Many clients had Rosh Hashanah on their minds. For any special event, I try to gather information in order to formulate a plan. “Where will you be for the holidays?” On this particular day three clients informed me that their mother in-law was hosting. Each of these clients shared this with evident apprehension.  Humor is my favorite antidote for anxiety so I dubbed it “the Mother In-law challenge” and we went from there.

When my sessions were over, my mind drifted back to mother in laws and all the accompanying stereotypes. This definition made me chuckle.

 A phrase appended to names of relationship, as father, mother, brother, sister, son, etc., to indicate that the relationship is not by nature

There are books written on the subject including one from psychologist Terri Apter entitled…What do you want from me? And it will come as no shock that the most complicated relationships are between mother in-laws and daughter in-laws.

The food dynamic stems directly from the family dynamic. First, these relationships are “not by nature” these are not your parents where the comfort level is greater. And second, all family gatherings evoke some level of tension. This tension you may carry is as big an obstacle as your MIL. I will go on record and say my beautiful, Swedish MIL is a healthy eater and always has a Foodtrainers-friendly spread for family meals. However, I’m more at ease with my family…of course we have our issues but I’m used to them.

You have to be comfortable with eating well and that may mean foregoing certain holiday foods; you don’t need your mother in law to be comfortable with it or eat like her. I'm assuming you don't dress like her or act like her, right? If your mother in law carries the food-pushing gene, you have two choices. My first rule is “accept but don’t ingest” which I’ve mentioned in LBT and on the blog before. People are often more concerned with what you take or put on your plate than what you actually consume. If your MIL actually assesses your intake, I would employ the best food pusher advice “push back”. It's best to push back with a compliment such as “this is so delicious but I think I’ve had enough”. As far as the tension, mentally prepare yourself for that too. Walk yourself through with "I may be on edge, there will be lots of people but I'm going to be sure to put all my food on a plate and eat slowly." 

For better or for worse, you will have many more in-law meals and the sooner you carve out what works best for you in terms of strategy the better.

If you’re “Rosh Hashanahing” I wish you a happy new year.

What is the hardest part of holiday meals for you? Why do mother in-laws get a bad rap? Or should they get a bad rap?

Holiday Eating: Food Pushers, Gymlessness and the urge to ProcratinEat

At sundown today, Rosh Hashanah begins; Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year (do not click away if you aren’t Jewish, if you celebrate any holidays or attend any group food events, read on).  Many Rosh Hashanah foods are sweet as they signify the hope for a sweet New Year. This is a lovely tradition but a challenge from a food perspective. There have been countless articles written about holiday eating and the calories in holiday foods. To me, the often overlooked aspects of holiday eating are the extra time spent with family (glass of wine for me please), the travel involved in getting to wherever you are going and associations with traditional, special and often home-cooked food.

It’s more about the dynamics at work than the food itself.  Here are some of the potential pitfalls, see if they strike a chord.

Problem: The Food Pusher, I tend to think every family has one. Food pushers have been known to ask, “is that all you’re eating?” or “how come you didn’t try the potatoes?” or worst of all food pushers plate the food for you.

Solution: There are several strategies to handle a food pusher. My first thought is that the food pusher often wants you to try things but doesn’t necessarily mind if you don’t finish them. So put the kugel or cake on your plate and only eat what you wish to.

The second, more aggressive route is to be honest and polite but push back “it’s so delicious but I think I’ve had enough.” It’s always good to throw in a compliment while refusing food.

Problem: Slim (healthy) Pickins - It’s hard to believe in 2011 someone can compose a menu with zero regard for health but it happens and happens a lot for holiday meals. Even my mother uses by grandmothers stick-of-butter recipes and justifies it as “traditional.”

Solution: Help green the menu. By this, I don’t mean green as in better for the environment,  I mean literally green. Many holiday menus lack clean vegetable options so offer to bring something. Yes, there may be an ounce of selfishness here but say “can I bring a beautiful crudité and dip?” Or, “I saw a great Brussels sprouts recipe.” Even if the host declines your offer it may send a message that potatoes shouldn’t be the only vegetable on the table.

Problem: Gymlessness-you’re away from home, at your parents or in-laws far away from your usual gym or spin class.

Solution: Don’t be an exercise snob. Bring your sneakers and even if it’s cold or not as good a workout, commit to walking the day of the holiday AND the day after. Throw in some crunches and push-ups and you may have burned off those potatoes.

Problem: ProcrastinEATING. ProcrastinEATING happens when you feel as if you had a large, holiday meal and that you’ve blown it as far as your food plan goes. The procrastineater says “on Monday I will be good.” Or, “when I get home I will get back on track.”

Solution: nip it in the bud. It’s often not the holiday meals that do people in. It’s the leftovers and couple of days following the meal and the towel getting thrown in. If you are off track regroup at the next meal and plan your food for the day following Rosh Hashanah, Thanksgiving or Christmas etc. It’s not just about the holiday meal.

Aside from potential pitfalls, there are so many interesting food traditions tied to holidays.  For Rosh Hashanah there is the notion of “new fruit”. This is a fruit that is recently in season; pomegranate is commonly used. There is a blessing that’s said. The implication is to be grateful for the fruits of the earth and the opportunity to enjoy them. Religion aside, this is something we can all do.

What do you find to be the biggest challenges with holiday eating? Have you ever been a procrastineater? What “new fruits” have you been enjoying?