If the Halloween candy "called" you, here's why

 Via Vo/shutter stock

There’s a definite pattern when it comes to adults and Halloween candy. Many adults resist candy on Halloween. Then, the next day if it’s in the house or at the office they start to pick. “Just a couple” pieces here, a couple there. The same thing goes for Thanksgiving. Day of, many clients are on plan. The next day? The leftovers take them down.

Why is this? Many people make a decision, ahead of time, not to eat candy on Halloween or not to eat the 5,000 calorie meal on Thanksgiving. It’s clear what the plan is for the holiday itself. The day after? There’s no plan for that and so deliberation begins. “Should I have it?”  and this line of questioning rarely ends well.

I read a thought-provoking Vox article, “the myth of self-control”. The first portion of the article is a little depressing as the case is made that it’s super tricky to pass things up. “Human beings are terrible at resisting temptation.” Then came the  interesting part. “The people who are really good at self-control never have these battles in first place.” It’s not that some people have more willpower, it’s that some people avoid having to exert it.

If you want to avoid the exhaustion that comes with fending food (or other temptations for that matter) off some ideas:

Planning

I talk about this throughout The Little Book of Thin. The fewer food decisions you make on the spot, the better. When you’re staring face to face with the muffin tray and negotiating, your odds are slim. A Foodstalking client has a coworker with a candy bowl or “bowl of bullshit” as she calls it. The bowl was her downfall every afternoon. “One or two things only” wasn’t cutting it. Instead she called out of B.O. B. and put it on her “no” list. No piece here or piece there, no contemplating no bullshit…period.

Reminders and reinforcement

 In research mentioned in the article, people were texted reminders of their goals to help them make good choices. A couple of years ago, we started our Foodstalking program. We were astounded by the success and demand for spots. In this email-based program, we are in touch with clients daily. This encouragement and accountability helps establish new behaviors. Having a buddy is another way of doing this. Enlist a friend or coworker (spouses aren’t best idea for this) and work together to skip the candy, make it to your workouts etc.

Substitution

 “No candy” for some sounds daunting. In order to avoid the bowl of bullshit, my client has an RX Bar at 3pm every day. You can replace a food with a food or it can be a behavior. Taking a walk after dinner or meeting a friend for a workout instead of a drink are other examples of substitution.

So don’t beat yourself up for a slip. Instead, backtrack and see where you could’ve avoided that temptation all together. I’ll remind you about this  again before Thanksgiving and leftovers come into play.

Does binge watching prevent bingeing?

email stated "already getting family resistance but trying"

By now you’ve probably heard of our “tweet it don’t eat it” hash tag (#TIDEI).  If you are on twitter, tweet to me (@Foodtrainers) or Carolyn (@onesmartbrownie) or to both of us.  Any time you find yourself eye to eye with a food you’d like to avoid, tweet to us “my coworker brought in Christmas cookies they don't look worth it #TIDEI. We’ll fire back encouragement as soon as we see it. The secret is that just sending that tweet usually helps you bypass the food threat.

Recently, I received an SOS #TIDEI message:

@Foodtrainers using my might to stay out of the kitchen after dinner #TIDEI

My reply:

Keep that kitchen closed! Love the #TIDEI, let me know how it goes

And then:

@Foodtrainers I forced myself into a Netflix binge, I even put dishes on hold to avoid the kitchen.

 Me:

Ooh, does @Netflix save calories?

Generally TV isn’t great for your eating. We tend to eat mindlessly in front of the TV. Have a toddler who will not eat? TV does the trick. For those of us over three, I suggest decoupling TV and food. But what about binge watching? I see it as more than just a distraction. There’s something about binge watching that feels like a “fix” in the same way that after dinner treat train does. Sure, you could say it’s replacing one fix with another…and you’d be right; however, it's a favorable fix and sometimes methadone beats cold turkey. Give it a try, let me know how it goes and if you find yourself vulnerable, you know tweet it don’t eat it or do what a client did and formally close the kitchen.

What do you do when you're tempted after dinner? Do you find binge watching satisfying? Aren't those kitchen doors (above) pretty?

The Mother In-law Challenge

Last week, I was in my office for client sessions. Many clients had Rosh Hashanah on their minds. For any special event, I try to gather information in order to formulate a plan. “Where will you be for the holidays?” On this particular day three clients informed me that their mother in-law was hosting. Each of these clients shared this with evident apprehension.  Humor is my favorite antidote for anxiety so I dubbed it “the Mother In-law challenge” and we went from there.

When my sessions were over, my mind drifted back to mother in laws and all the accompanying stereotypes. This definition made me chuckle.

 A phrase appended to names of relationship, as father, mother, brother, sister, son, etc., to indicate that the relationship is not by nature

There are books written on the subject including one from psychologist Terri Apter entitled…What do you want from me? And it will come as no shock that the most complicated relationships are between mother in-laws and daughter in-laws.

The food dynamic stems directly from the family dynamic. First, these relationships are “not by nature” these are not your parents where the comfort level is greater. And second, all family gatherings evoke some level of tension. This tension you may carry is as big an obstacle as your MIL. I will go on record and say my beautiful, Swedish MIL is a healthy eater and always has a Foodtrainers-friendly spread for family meals. However, I’m more at ease with my family…of course we have our issues but I’m used to them.

You have to be comfortable with eating well and that may mean foregoing certain holiday foods; you don’t need your mother in law to be comfortable with it or eat like her. I'm assuming you don't dress like her or act like her, right? If your mother in law carries the food-pushing gene, you have two choices. My first rule is “accept but don’t ingest” which I’ve mentioned in LBT and on the blog before. People are often more concerned with what you take or put on your plate than what you actually consume. If your MIL actually assesses your intake, I would employ the best food pusher advice “push back”. It's best to push back with a compliment such as “this is so delicious but I think I’ve had enough”. As far as the tension, mentally prepare yourself for that too. Walk yourself through with "I may be on edge, there will be lots of people but I'm going to be sure to put all my food on a plate and eat slowly." 

For better or for worse, you will have many more in-law meals and the sooner you carve out what works best for you in terms of strategy the better.

If you’re “Rosh Hashanahing” I wish you a happy new year.

What is the hardest part of holiday meals for you? Why do mother in-laws get a bad rap? Or should they get a bad rap?

Psychology of the Candy Bowl

unrealistic that the hand appears to be taking a singular candy

For years. I have seen entries like this on client’s food journals “2 mini Reese's” or “4 Starbursts”.  I know full well the source of this candy and it’s not the vending machine or a well-planned treat. “Tell me about the candy” I usually say. Clients then describe that person in the office with the candy bowl. Don’t we all know that person?  Please correct me, if I am making assumptions, but I believe this person is generally female, her desk is in full view of others, she is outgoing and you know what? She doesn’t really eat the candy.

This candy bowl received some press recently. In April the Wall Street Journal ran a piece entitled “The Battle of the Office Candy Jar.” Brian Wasink, author of Mindless Eating, was quoted saying "even for a person with the greatest resolve, every time they look at a candy dish they say, 'Do I want that Hershey's Kiss, or don't I?' At the 24th time, maybe I'm kind of hungry, and I just got this terrible email, and my boss is complaining—and gradually my resolve is worn down." It seems that the converse of “out of sight out of mind” or “in sight on your mind” is true with food. Research, yes research, has shown a transparent container or bowl and candy “within reach” further increase candy consumption.

From my vantage point, the candy bowl owner has always been a bit of a foe. My motivated clients set off for work with their crudité and food journal in tow. Sure, we’re all responsible for what ultimately goes in our mouths but the candy bowl doesn’t help. I’ve viewed  the candy bowl person as a saboteur right up there with the “friend” who brings a pie to your house knowing full well you’re trying to lose weight or mothers or MIL’s who ask you to “try a little” of weight gain food A or B.

Last week, I met with a client I hadn’t seen in some time. We exchanged pleasantries and  it wasn’t three minutes before the candy bowl came up. The twist is that my lovely client had become the candy lady. She explained that having the candy (did I mention the client cooks every night and only uses organic produce?) in her words “helped foster a sense of community at work.” Her superior actually asked her to remove the bowl as children were coming in to eat the candy (her office is in a school). My client didn’t budge. And to bust my earlier theory she did eat the candy. We joked; I asked her if a fruit bowl would build community, perhaps a healthier community? She said they did have bananas and oranges but kept the candy there too.

I advise clients to enforce a no candy bowl eating policy (and I'm here to help just #TIDEI or tweet it don't eat it). It's not that a couple pieces of candy will ruin any food plan. It's that the couple of pieces and a couple more add up (to what estimates suggest is over five pounds a year) and are rarely satisfying. A well planned treat, of your choice, in a social setting is much more strategic. And I'm still hopeful the communal fruit bowl (or nut bowl) takes off. If you try it, please let me know how it goes.

There’s more to that little bowl than meets the eye and we all have candy bowl memories. My grandmother had a bowl of those coffee candies (black and white wrapper) whose name I can’t recall. And my dad was a Werther’s guy. There’s something inviting about that bowl and, as I’ve learned, the candy bowl owner is fully aware of that. 
Have you been in an office with a candy bowl woman? Or is the candy person ever male? What do you think is the psychology of the candy bowl? And can you help remind me what those coffee candies are (not nips)?