What's Your Excuse (for not looking like me)?

 The photo above made its virtual rounds a month or two ago. I thought about blogging about it but didn’t. There was a part of me didn’t feel Maria Kang needed more attention. Then this weekend I received this from a reader.

Hi Lauren - hope you had an amazing Thanksgiving! After a day (ok 2 days) of indulgences, I stumbled across this story in the Daily News. It's definitely a touchy subject but I actually don't disagree with the woman who originally posted "what's your excuse”.  I hear a lot of excuses from friends and family about why they can't eat healthy, can't find time to exercise and after a certain point, it annoys me. A lot. Then guilt kicks in because I feel I'm being judgmental. It's complicated, but I do believe it's not difficult to make small changes that make a big difference! I find the whole thing rather interesting and thought it would be nice to hear your opinion a la blog post.

So here it goes. This woman, Maria Kang, has three young children and looks great. What she doesn’t look is relatable and the whole photo and tagline makes her seem like the mean girl. Her shtick, if you will, is shock. When I was choosing an author photo for the back of my book my publicist said, “if you are attractive and telling others what to eat you better be smiling and sound approachable or you’ll turn people off.” If “What’s your excuse” had a photo of a make-up less mom cooking a healthy dinner with kids carrying on OR had (as in the Nike ad) someone exerting themselves or showing their commitment, it would be different. However, when “what’s your excuse” has a nearly-naked gorgeous young mom, with three cute kids there’s no way I’m feeling inspired, I’m not calling myself on my excuses, instead I’m feeling defensive and angry.

When I heard Maria Kang interviewed she explained a rigorous routine and a difficult back-story. If it were just about the story, I know women would be curious. So this comes down to a matter of messaging. If you want to motivate friends or family members, as the reader above mentioned or simply are seeking motivation yourself, we need to check negativity, shame and our personal habits at the door. You cannot motivate others by saying "look what I do". 

I’ve talked about the importance of positivity and compassion before.

Some other ingredients for behavior change:

Accountability and support: In one Stanford study 1 phone call every 3 weeks resulted in 78% more exercise. Goal setting also helps; Carolyn enlisted me for the Runner’s WorldHoliday Running streak

after first checking to find out if this appealed to me which is key.

Sorting out "why" also matters. We don’t exercise or loose weight “because we should” we have to figure out what’s the reward or connection for each of us. One person’s skinny jeans s another person’s avoiding medication. Sure enough, in a study where women wrote down the things that were important to them they tended to eating less of the tempting but unhealthful foods that were offered in the lab after the exercise than those who did not. After two and a half months, they also weighed less, and had smaller waistlines than the other participants. The difference in the groups applied to both those with normal weight and those who were overweight.

We’re all tempted to judge and label, I know I’ve had moments of that on this blog and many more in real life. It’s OK for the reader and all of us to get judgy or annoyed when others don’t take care of themselves but if our goal is to help them the key is making it about them and keeping it kind. Nothing Maria Kang has said is designed to help others. “I want this to happen for you” or “we all make excuses” would've  been completely different. As for walking around in a sports bra…I have many excuses why I will never don the one black boob, one red if Maria wants to hear.

What motivates you to make health-related changes? Can you think of a person, ad or event that gave you a positive nudge? What do you think of what’s your excuse?”

You May Fail, Be a Resolution-ary Anyway

From one of my Facebook friends, love it though a little more to it...

Many people get divorced and many others drop out of college. Did either of these facts affect your decision to ultimately get married or attend college? Each of these endeavors need to be taken seriously but the potential benefits, for many, out weigh the risk. I feel the same way about New Years Resolutions, why pass up an opportunity to experience something because many people, possibly you in past years, didn’t see things through?  Two years ago, I started my pro-resolution campaign with 

In Defense of Resolutions and feel there’s even more anti-resolution propaganda now to fend off.

Last year in Doomed Resolutions (and how to improve them) I talked about some mistakes in revolution setting. If you make the same resolution every year, you may want to rethink it. Let’s take the clichéd but often needed weight loss goal. If for, as far as you can remember, you’ve declared on January 1^st you would loose 20 pounds, some suggestions:

• Be More Modest with Goal Setting (and in life), aim for 5 to 10 pounds, anything more is icing on the cake or a sign you’ve had less cake. The truth is, progress is progress and if it seems too far away anyone can get resolution-fatique.
• A+B+C+D= Weight Loss. Focusing on losing weight is akin to spending all your time saying, “I wish I had a job” versus rewriting your resume, networking or maybe working with a headhunter.  Maybe setting a TV limit or eating fewer take out meals or seeing a nutritionist will you help you with your weight. Sorting out the steps is as valuable as any goal you can set.
• Make Resolutions Positive. Carolyn was asked in this WebMD article about her resolutions and her suggestion was to give resolutions a positive, proactive slant.  One of her resolutions is to cook once a week with her sisters. I’ve talked about cooking goals in Cooking Homework. Other positive goals are to eat more fish, experiment with greens you haven’t tried or to drink more tea.
• Focus on the Health Component. Sometimes, I know it’s shocking, vanity isn’t enough stimulate behavior change. Whether it’s osteoporosis, infertility or cancer prevention your diet and exercise play a role. Changes you make in the name of health or chronic disease will likely have longevity.

The Wall Street Journal had an interesting idea. They suggested “outsourcing” resolutions. Give it a try; in our family the consensus was that my husband needed to leave us all waiting less/be more punctual. For Myles or “Prince Myles” we felt he could do more on his own. Weston could benefit from crying less when his brother upsets him and the shocker was that the family felt “Mom should yell less.” And that’s the danger with asking others what they feel you should work on. Their answers, though truthful, may sting.

I loved an interview I read recently in Yoga Journal. Chip Wilson, the founder of Lululemon Athletica and huge goal proponent said, “to make goals effective you have to fail at them 50 percent of the time.” We should all keep Steve Jobs in mind as we ring start the New Year. Remember Steve and all he accomplished and remember he was a college dropout. Happy New Year.

Where do you stand with resolutions? What do you think of outsourcing them? Any you want to put out there? I’ll check back with you and see how you’re doing.