Jen Goodman Linn: You Were Fearless

From YouFearless.com Jen's Blog

Two years ago, a client was referred to me. When I received her information forms, my heart sunk. The paperwork described a woman, in her thirties, who had been diagnosed with Sarcoma, a rare cancer, in 2003. She had already endured 26 months of chemo and 4 abdominal surgeries. The next day, in my waiting room, was this adorable, bubbly girl with a wide smile and beautiful white teeth. When we started to talk, she was very pragmatic. She was cancer free but wanted to put herself in the best place nutritionally in the event that the cancer came back (and she said it just like that). We devised a plan and, not one to waste precious time, she immediately implemented everything we outlined. This client's name is Jen but I no longer think of her as my client. I think of her as my friend, my teacher and my hero who I will miss so very much. Jen passed away on Wednesday and her funeral is today. 

‎"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it is the life in your years."-Abe Lincoln

The quote above appeared on Jen’s Facebook page where people have been sending their wishes and sharing their sadness. Jen wasn't one to stay sad though; she knew how to live. She and her husband Dave started Cycle for Survival and it’s the most successful patient initiated charity Memorial Sloan Kettering has ever had raising over nine million dollars to for rare cancers. I remember sitting with Jen, in November, she was at Sloan getting a blood transfusion and fairly weak. Never one to let an opportunity slip away Jen was signing nurses up for Cycle. Marc and I were honored to experience  Cycle this spring on Team Fearless, Jen’s team. And in all the times I have seen Jen since that first office visit, that smile never faded.

I don’t have wit in me right now but tried to capture some Jen lessons:

Rejoice in what your body can do. 

The second Jen was cleared by doctors she was at the gym trying to regain her strength. Oh and did I mention she asked for a stationary bike in her hospital room? She started Cycle, in part, because spinning was what kept her sane though her treatments and illness. I wrote about Jen before I ran Chicago this year. I was anxious about the race (the weather was much like today) and received this email from Jen:

I am so excited for your marathon next week. If you get tired running just think of the fact that many of us take for granted what a privilege it is to be able to run. With my stomach cramps and tumors, I haven't been able to truly run in years. I miss it so, so much. So enjoy all 26.2 miles because you can! I will be cheering for you from afar.

I will run this morning before the funeral Jen, because I can, and I'll think of you; I’ll play Chumbawamba too.

Know when to see the trees instead of the forest.

Jen endured a roller coaster life of progress and setbacks. When she received news that wasn’t good, she wanted a plan. When the plan for the new treatment was in place, Jen would focus on the steps involved or the treatments. She was like a quarterback who could hone in on the play without getting distracted by all that was happening around them. I think this helped her live fearlessly.  So when you are daunted, sit back and make a game plan. Anytime you feel shaky just refer to the plan. There is something very Zen about this.

Vanity is Good

Jen often joked, “I can be bald or fat but not both” and wrote a great WebMD piece about this. I had found it hard to figure out how clients battling things way more important than weight cared about their weight. Jen’s doctor explained it “being vain is a GREAT thing. It shows that you have a true desire and willingness to live." There is something about our hair and our weight that is integral to who we are. It isn’t shallow to cling to these things when tested. It shows you are hanging on.

Tell People What You Need (or Don’t Need)

Jen was her own advocate. I heard from Jen regularly and at one point didn’t get a reply. I panicked. I  sent Jen an email “everything OK?” I made a mistake and said “I’m worried.”  Jen emailed back all right. She said, “please don’t say you’re worried. It makes me anxious.” While I was daunted at first, I learned a lot about communicating with people when they are ill from Jen.  I made another mistake on July 11^th.  Jen’s doctors had some concerns about her blood work and we were emailing about what she should eat. I offered to drop off some things after work. Only, it got late and I didn’t think I should bother her. Jen sent an email I got in the morning “I didn’t know if you were coming, no package was left.” She called me on it and that was my last email from her. I'm sorry Jen, what I would do now for one more conversation, to see that smile one last time.

 Jen turned 40 this past March. She was the happiest person in the worth to turn 40. It was a gift and she did a “dance” video in her own honor. This makes me smile; please watch it to see Jen in action.

In Jen’s words:

“We all have a choice in how we want to live our lives … I have chosen to be Me Fearless. I have applied this approach to every aspect of my life and, in the process, I’ve discovered that amazing things present themselves. My mission now is to encourage those around me to apply that philosophy to their lives and relish in the results. You can become You Fearless.”

Let’s all try, in Jen's honor. 
Jen chronicled her journey on her site youfearless.com.

Workout Reward

It seems rather intuitive that cranking up your exercise helps you lose weight.  After all, if you’re burning more calories and eating the same way that would be the case. The problem that exists, that I refer to as “marathon syndrome” is that for some people feel they deserve a reward for their exercise efforts and that reward is often edible. When I look at food journals, for clients training for a marathon, the day of their long run is usually when I see the pancakes or cookies. And in case you’re tempted to explain this based on appetite, the same workout rewards have been observed with lighter workouts.

The May issue of the Nutrition Action Healthletter, interviews one of my nutrition heroes Dr Brian Wansink. Wansink wrote the book “Mindless Eating” and this interview focused on cues that affect our eating. My post on the connection between color and appetite was an example of one of these cues. Regarding exercise, Wansink summarized an experiment conducted with participants on a retreat. Before dinner, the group was divided in two. One group was told they were headed on a scenic walk around a lake. The other group was told they were going on an exercise walk. Both walks were easy and paced similarly. When they returned and had dinner the “exercise” group ate more. They also estimated they had burned more calories.

Another study, with postmenopausal women, divided participants up in groups and prescribed varying amounts of weight loss. Women doing the most exercise did not lose the most weight. There was more food compensation in this group than the low or medium exercise group.  An association was seen between increased exercise and increased “rewards”.

In some cases it’s not even the exercise but thinking about exercise that can trigger reward behavior On her blog Herbal Water, Dr Ayala discussed a recent study in the journal Appetite.  Participants read a passage about a 30-minute fun walk or a 30-minute exercise walk (not unlike the Wansink experiment). After reading, those who had read the passage and answered questions were presented with snacks and candy. They were allowed to scoop as much as they wanted into bags to take home. Those who had read about exercise scooped 52 percent more. 

If you’re exercising to release stress or for your health, this sense of entitlement may not be a problem. However, if you’re interested in losing weight because Memorial Day is about three weeks away that’s another story. I work with clients on their self-talk. If we can see fitness, leanness or slimming down as the “prize” sometimes we can skip the post-workout pancakes. Another tool is to pre-plan food on more intense workout days to avoid impulsive decisions.  It also should be pointed out that there’s nothing wrong with having a treat as long as it isn’t presented as a workout reward. Love handles aren’t that rewarding.

Do you find yourself feeling exercise entitled? Do you eat differently on workout days? Why do you think there’s this “I ran so therefore I eat” connection? 
Speaking of rewards (ha) the winner of our Sweet Riot giveaway is EA The Spicy RD.

Race Day in Chicago

I woke up at 5am on Sunday. Waking up implies sleeping and while I did get a decent 5 hours worth, I didn’t need an alarm to get me up. Ten years ago when I was running the Bermuda marathon, I happened to ride down in the hotel elevator with the race director. He asked how I was feeling and I said “I would be a lot better if I slept.” He told me what I now know saying “nobody sleeps the night before a marathon.” At 5am I jumped into the shower and my husband went to the hotel lobby for coffee. We researched the day before and knew Starbucks opened at 530AM. When Marc got downstairs, there was a line 100-people long for Starbucks which hadn’t opened. He resourcefully went across the street and returned to the room with our coffee. In the event that Starbucks didn’t open on time, we had another coffee on ice in the room overnight. Call that what you will, there was no way I was running a marathon without coffee and enough time for that coffee to “digest.”


I had a hand written schedule for the morning as I wanted to be sure I didn’t forget anything and that I followed my timeline. I had the coffee with a banana and a container of peanut butter puffins cereal (dry) that I had transported from New York. My stomach was doing flips but I managed to eat enough. I am not someone who can tolerate a huge volume of food before a race. After eating I got dressed, packed up my clip on “Gu” pouch (though not with Gu), body glided any area with chafing potential and in my back pocket placed 2 rewards. One was the “mile 27 beer ticket” and the other was my secret marathon weapon, more on that later.

I grabbed another banana and a bottle of water, said goodbye to Marc and headed to the lobby. I have to admit that while waiting for the elevator, I felt a little emotional, ok truth be told I cried a little. It’s just a marathon but I had trained hard, felt support from so many clients and friends (and of course Marc) and felt lucky and proud. In the lobby, I met up with my sister in law Jenny, my friends Diane and Eric and a couple of their running friends. We all walked out in the semi-darkness to the starting line. After waiting on the Porto potty line and joined our 38,000 “friends” in the corrals.

 We were entertained by the sounds of Bruce Springsteen (what’s a marathon without hearing Born to Run) and the Stones and though we didn’t hear a horn or any other indicator, at some point people started moving. It took about 10 minutes for us to cross the starting line but we did, my Garmin watch found a satellite and we were off (see below aren't we fast?).

There were a lot of turns for the first few miles of the race which served as a good distraction. I also generally run alone so the conversation about the race and sights propelled me forward. At every mile marker I said to myself “it’s mile 3 Jen and I’m still enjoying myself”. At the water station around mile 6 I had my first of 3 Clif Shots. All 3 of my shots were caffeinated (mocha and berry) which I swear by during longer runs or races.

At around mile 10, a searing pain my foot told me it was time for some Tylenol and at mile 12 the second “shot”. Somewhere along this point I realized the alert system had changed from green, indicating no danger, to yellow. This would change to red before long. The temperature displayed outside banks was climbing well into the 70s. After hitting every water stop, I had to hit the bathroom around mile 15. Normally, I would’ve done everything in my power to avoid wasting precious time going to the bathroom but with enjoying myself came a decision that I wasn’t going to make the day about my time goal. This is a decision I regret a bit now but it seemed right at the time.

At the 17 mile marker Marc was waiting, waving a Blackhawks hockey stick so that I could find him in the crowd. He was standing with supplies ranging from chap stick to band-aids, depending on what I needed. I had my 3rd shot, some water and one Tylenol and was on my way. At this point, I put on my music. My plan was to have Excedrin, my secret weapon, at mile 20. The only problem was at mile 20 when I reached for those 2 green capsules in my back pocket, all I felt was powder. I saw Marc again on the sidelines and barked “Excedrin, I need Excedrin.” “Where is there Excedrin?" he asked, confused. I ran off realizing I hadn’t packed the Excedrin in his supply pile and also realized that the powder in my back pocket was my Excedrin, it had melted. As we approached the next water stop I stooped to a new low. I pushed my hand into that back zipper pocket “fun-dip” style and pushed some bitter green Excedrin into my mouth, I chased it with water or Gatorade. I repeated this at the last couple of water stops.

For whatever reason, maybe the Excedrin or a conservative early race, I was feeling strong. I was enjoying the Beyonce’, Lady Gaga and Michael Franti on my iPod and was definitely starting to “count my chickens”. Suddenly at mile 24 or 24.5 I felt very tired. I thought about J and J and told myself I wasn’t allowed to walk until the water stop but I wasn’t sure I was enjoying myself anymore. Then, out of nowhere, I saw that Blackhawks hockey stick. It was Marc, I wasn’t supposed to see him again until the finish line but he was there. I told him I couldn’t run anymore and he told me to follow him. I kept thinking he was going to look back and I would be on the ground. He had a backpack on and the mini hockey stick peeking out the top. Despite my fatigue, I had to smile. Soon there was a sign that said 800 meters to go. I have no sense of distance but I knew I was close. Marc wasn’t allowed to run any further but I made a right turn and went up the largest hill of the race to the finish line. I receive my medal and the tin foil cape for fun (85 is a bit too warm for insulation). I spotted the sign that said “mile 27 beer party” and despite the sweaty coupon in my pocket I decided that was the last thing I wanted. It turns out I didn’t really need my secret weapons after all.

And, not for the faint of heart as I promised yesterday the world's biggest blood blister, ick.

Chicago Marathon 10 10 10

We left New York for Chicago on Friday with a plane full of runners. I know they were runners because 2 days prior to the race passengers were in full running gear sporting sneakers and apparel from previous races. I felt a little left out in clogs, jeans and a sweater. After training for 4-plus months and treating myself like a china doll for the past week sleeping over 8 hours a night and hydrating compulsively, I was ready to go. I flipped through Runners World during the flight and wasn’t that thrilled with an article entitled “The End” which basically served as a reminder (confirmation wouldn’t come for another 2 days) that the end of any marathon is difficult.

We arrived in Chicago to some Obama-related traffic. My sister in law, Jenny,  and I headed directly to the expo to pick up our race numbers and swag bags. If there was any doubt about the race date we were welcomed to McCormick Center by gigantic 10-10-10 banners and thousands of other runners. We watched a virtual tour of the course at the Nike booth, gathered some clif shot samples and headed to dinner with our other 2 team Chicago members. We were short for time and decided to go straight to the restaurant. In we walked to The Publican,  some of us were in sneakers, all of us had our big red and white marathon expo bags. Though discrete on the flight there was suddenly no denying we too were runners, in town for the race. The Publican is a fantastic green market based restaurant with a menu that changes daily. We had a delicious meal that included a beet salad, oysters, mussels, steak and Brussels sprouts all served family stlye. If I’m being totally honest, I will say all members of team Chicago had a beer or glass of wine and the 2 there-for-support husbands had much more. I enjoyed my glass of Gruner, the first alcohol in a week and hoped it would calm some of the pre-race jitters I was starting to feel.

The next morning we took a walk to the starting line.

Music was blaring and despite the fact that there wasn’t anyone around, it was pretty exciting. It was hard to picture that same area with 40,000 people crowded in it. We toured around the city, went on the architectural boat tour and to a leisurely lunch (did I mention none of us brought our children) and then back to the room. At the hotel, I did a dress rehearsal trying on my race day outfit: J&J pink tank top, lululemon groovy run shorts (there’s always hoping), Wright “blister proof” running socks (will post a picture of my clearly non blister proof foot tomorrow, consider yourself warned) and Nike sneakers. I pinned on my race number and as Coach Mindy of The Running Center had taught me for my first marathon, I “prepared my altar” for the next morning.

Have you ever run a marathon? If so which one(s)? Do you experience pre-race jitters? Do you wear running clothes on the airplane, be honest.

For J & J

I’m leaving today for Chicago and will be running the Chicago Marathon Sunday. The photo above is the pretty pink shirt I will be wearing on 10/10/10. I’ve been asked if I’m excited, and I am, but more than anything I had been feeling a little anxious and just ready to have this over. On Sunday I received an email that changed some of this:

I am so excited for your marathon next week. If you get tired running just think of the fact that many of us take for granted what a privilege it is to be able to run. I miss running so much. With my stomach cramps and tumors, I haven't been able to truly run in years. I miss it so, so much. So enjoy all 26.2 miles because you can! I will be cheering for you from afar and can't wait to see pictures

This email came from a friend, I’ll call J, who is in bed during her chemo. J is about my age and she’s had chemo before, in fact she’s had it 5 times before I believe. This time is especially tough she’s nauseated and worn out from a recent surgery. She doesn’t complain and never appears anxious. She even has a fantastic website and blog called “You Fearless” where she writes about her life, her real marathon. This email had a huge effect on me, not because my friend has a disease and I do not but because she wasn’t merely wishing me good luck, she was telling me to enjoy it. As if, in my anal (I just printed out a pacing wristband to wear for the race) pre-race mind I had even given enjoyment any airtime. And yet, enjoyment is a choice.

This past Tuesday I had the pleasure taking my son on a play date after school. One of Weston’s best buddies is a little boy, another “J”. Weston and J were in Kindergarten together, they play soccer together and were just starting 1st grade together. Days into the school year, we received an email from J’s father, our friend, that J needed brain surgery for a tumor that had found. They described it as “large” and seemed to be moving very quickly. I worried for J’s mother who had so recently lost her father or “her rock” as she referred to him. I also, as any mother would, spent extra time tucking the boys in that night. More than anything though, I worried for J. Would he be ok? Was he scared?

J’s surgery was 2 weeks ago now and the great news is that the tumor is gone, he is ok. The bonus? He was super brave. The day after surgery he was eating vanilla ice cream, singing his father “happy” birthday and on Tuesday played video games and had snacks with Weston as if nothing had changed. Before the surgery, I would’ve described J as sensitive and sweet. We all learned he’s also very, very strong. How does someone so little have so much courage?

I am beyond inspired by J and J. For this silly race, I plan to enjoy it and to take it all in. I am lucky to be able to train and run and go to Chicago this weekend. And when things hurt, because inevitably in 26 miles they will, I will try to be courageous like little J because I can.
Who inspires you? Do you think it’s silly that many of us test ourselves and stress about running and races when others have far greater non-optional challenges?