Don't Put All Your Resolutions In One Basket

Let’s start off the year being frank. As much as the New Year can seem like a natural time to turn over a new leaf, a lot of resolution making is reactionary. Many of us have been traveling, spending time with family and relaxing a bit more and at a certain point you don’t feel that good. What do you when you’re feeling blah or worse? Something drastic of course. And drastic doesn’t last. Then we’re back to blah with a dash of failure or frustration, not a recipe for a healthy year ahead.

 I am pro-resolution but with a few important criteria.

• First, think of the areas in your life that need a tweaking. Make a list of those key subjects. In the coming week, fill in specifics under each heading.
• Make sure most items on your list are completely realistic
• However one or two of your goals should make you a little nervous.  

Carolyn introduced me to a campaign called Commitment Day. In 30+ cities across the country people will run a 5K to show their commitment to a healthy lifestyle. Whatever it is, do something today that exemplifies your commitment. As their website says, "this isn't a resolution this is a revolution of you".

Maybe some of the resolutions on my list or Carolyn’s will spark some ideas….

Fear facing

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” Eleanor Roosevelt

I have been hush, hush about my  “makes me nervous” goal but earlier this year my book proposal was shopped around. After many “we loved it but will pass” the good news is that I have a publisher and the goal is to have the finished book completed in March.  This time next year you should be able to purchase my (first) book. This has been a long time coming. And not to worry, there's jitters ahead writing and putting it out there isn't comfortable but I'm excited.

Aid For Others (not in love with term “giving back”)

Early in 2012, Team Foodtrainers participated in Cycle for Survival. This fall, I went to the White House with a fantastic group of dietitians to support Let’s Move and organized a special night, with help from talented friends, to raise money for the Food Bank of NYC for Sandy relief efforts. In 2013, I plan to continue to support Let’s Move. What makes me most proud is that my children are starting to understand the need to lend a hand. I cannot lie, they weren’t jumping for joy to make packages for the firefighters after Sandy but they did it and I’ll nudge them to keep doing more. I find nothing gets me out of my head more than shifting the focus to others.

Family Resolutions

I was emailing with a friend who works at Pirate’s Booty and she mentioned the concept of family resolutions. I love this idea. One thing I’m a stickler for is table manners. Nora Ephron said in I Feel Bad About My Neck that one job of parents is to teach children, and I’m paraphrasing, which fork is the salad fork. If I can raise kids who put their napkins on their lap, without constant reminders, and don’t repulse others with their utensil “skills” I’d feel a degree of success. And after Sandy and the droughts and all the crazy weather of 2012, we have take global warming more seriously. As a family, we can start with being better with our reusable super market bags.

Fitness

For the first time in years I don’t have the race bug; it’s not my focus right now. I want to get myself out there skiing more, we’re in Vermont each weekend and it’s easy for me to lag behind and write, snowshoe or cook. This year I vow to occasionally leave the kitchen messy and just go. I have a silly fitness goal too. Where I take spinning classes there’s a “torque board” that rates your performance. You have a choice whether to be included and I have, until now, chosen not to participate. Oh and my achy body needs foam rolling. This will be the year of the foam roller.

Blog

While I love pushing the envelope with posts, I also love you pushing back. I now post twice a week and feel this way you have time to read and comment. Keep the comments coming in 2013; I look forward to many interesting food and weight-related healthy debates. A bunch of you have emailed asking about the Cooking Homework feature. I will bring that back. Carolyn mentioned that in 2012 she spent more time in the kitchen, it 2013 she hopes to get more experimental. I could use a little freestyle cooking too.

In a recent NYT article, Seinfeld mentioned he's constantly tweaking his material; I feel that way with habits and goals but  it’s so easy to get bogged down in a routine. I was reminded this year how important travel is to reshuffle the deck and remove distractions. 2012 included a fishing and snorkeling trip to Belize, skiing in Jackson Hole and camping and biking in Yellowstone and the Tetons. Carolyn listed “make weekends more into weekends” to relax and turn off the phone. Whether it’s at home or away, we all need to find a way to really unwind and unplug and I realize as I sit on my computer staring at the snowy trees that’s hypocritical…that’s what the resolutions are for.

What’s on your list? What goal or resolution makes you a little uneasy? Which habit do you feel you can be more consistent with/that makes you feel your best? Any fitness or family resolutions? Can’t wait to hear.

13 is my lucky number and though I have no knowledge where numerology is concerned. I’m excited for the year ahead.

Fear and Weight

This past Saturday I took part in Cycle for Survival. Cycle for Survival is an indoor spinning event that raises money for rare cancers; it was founded by my friend Jen Goodman Linn and her husband Dave. Jen passed away in July and since then I've found myself channeling grief into carrying on her legacy. I am not alone. This year, cycle raised close to 8 million dollars for cancer research.  For our part, we put together a team of 15 people. Many of these team members said “yes” within a few minutes of my initial recruiting email.

That's Ethan Zohn a new type of "survivor" 

Team Foodtrainers

Jen’s mantra and website was YouFearless. In March Jen turned 40 and, though sick, filmed her fabulous “Happy to be 40” dance video. Please stop reading and watch it if you haven’t, you’ll really get a sense of Jen. As a testament to Jen we agreed to post a dance video for each thousand we raised. Dancing is scary but we danced and it was kind of fun.

Gorgeous Jen

I think of Jen all the time but this weekend it was as though she was there. I sensed Jen daring us all to pedal faster, to do better, to make a difference. I also thought about fear. Those of us who aren’t fighting for our lives can have a hard time accessing our fear. I’ve been asking myself if my fears are legit if they aren’t major.  I mean how does a fear of getting my work done or being late stack up to a fear of not being here at all? It really doesn’t.

OPI Limited Edition You Fearless

Then I thought back to my sessions and conversations with Jen. Though Jen was a dreamer and an achiever she loved the fun stuff, the petty stuff.  Jen wanted to know about anti cancer foods and weight loss foods too. One of the last emails I received from Jen was telling me she saw me quoted in In Style and her best friend created You Fearless nail polish with OPI for Cycle. Jen was equal parts silly and serious. Fearlessness can absolutely be applied to "lesser" fears and it can apply to food. 

Some of us have a fear of failure, what happens if it doesn’t work? This can stifle us. Fear of failure for many translates into a fear of starting. It distracts us from the work to be done. Jen never knew if a treatment would be successful, she just focused on taking the necessary steps.

Fear of change- what will it be like if you lose weight? If you don’t eat your favorite treats? Will it be ok? I would ask yourself, is staying the same is ok? Is that acceptable? If not, let’s see how it goes. The treats aren’t going anywhere.

Fear of being noticed- with weight loss comes attention, some people dislike this.  Rather than cloaking ourselves in weight or food maybe we need to figure out why we’re hiding.

Fear of spending money and time- how can we not take care of ourselves? Jen knew how to take care of herself. I remember Jen requesting someone for reflexology while she received a blood transfusion. Jen knew the power of a pedicure and the wonder of a workout. 

Fear can trap you and stop you from living your life. We have to stop the excuses, stop postponing. When we shed the fear, we can shed the weight.

As Jen said, “without fear anything is possible.”

Jen told me this before the Chicago Marathon, can't say it better "because we can".

Thank you to those who contributed money. Now I’m asking you to contribute to fearlessness. 
What are your fears? Have you noticed any of them affecting your weight or wellness? How do you plan to face your fears? Some event photos below.

Marc and I, no pressure just the front row

Karen and Shari, I mean My Judy the Foodie

Love a team member with a Jack Daniels bandanna, work hard play hard.

You just got here, we're not leaving, it's a charity event!

Kaylee and my Foodtrainer-in-crime Carolyn finish off our shifts

The future fearless, Cycle for Survival 2022?

Becoming An Optimist

I’ve been thinking a lot about Jen lately.  She and her husband Dave started Cycle for Survival and we have a mega-team, in the early stages, ready to ride in February. And last week, Jen’s parents posted on her You Fearless website and talked about Jen being driven and determined from the get go. In the time I knew Jen and ever since, when I am faced when a challenge I try to strap on my Jen mask of fearlessness and optimism. The problem is, I often feel like an imposter where underneath is the real Lauren. Not all of us can see the bright side as easily.  I came across a book called Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman and purchased it on audiobook. During my runs and a recent family car trip (Marc officially thinks I have lost it) I’ve been listening to passages from this book. To my relief, optimism and pessimism aren’t camps you’re permanently assigned to. There are tools to make you more optimistic.

I heard a lot of Jen while listening to this book. Optimists see bad things as temporary whereas pessimists fear it will last a long time. Optimists are able to put troubles in a box while pessimists give universal explanations. As a result of these patterns of thinking, pessimists are more likely to become depressed, they do worse in school, sports and most jobs than their talents would suggest. They also have rockier relationships. Optimists are said to live longer and though Jen’s passing comes to mind I tend to think she survived sarcoma for 7 years in part because of her optimism.

Midway through Learned Optimism, a hokey “diet” scenario is presented as a teaching tool. We're told of Katie who was two weeks into a diet and succumbed to chicken wings and nachos when out with friends. Katie does a number on her self feeling weak, gluttonous and defeated. A technique called disputation is suggested. Pessimistic thoughts can be disputed as you would likely dispute them if someone else said them. Katie could say, “I’m not a glutton and one slip doesn’t mean my diet is blown. Sure, nachos and wings aren’t healthy foods but one misstep in two weeks isn’t the end of the world.” By disputing the bad thoughts you can change your reactions.

Disputation is one technique another is distraction. It is very easy for negative thoughts to play on repeat in your mind. If you tell yourself not to think about something chances are that will not do much good. If you divert your attention to something else, even as simple as a pencil or other object and study it, your can redirect your attention. You can also plan a time to think about something, for example at 7pm I will give this more thought. Other suggestions were a rubber band around your wrist and to snap it when the destructive thought arises or keeping a card in your wallet with a certain phrase such as “enough” or “stop it.” In order to stop ruminating another suggestion is to write down negative thoughts. These techniques "ventilate" negativity.

There’s also an exercise called externalization of thoughts.  With someone you trust you role play the negative thought. I could say to you "it's all your fault you aren't doing well at work" and you would dispute my accusations. In certain ways- Jen did this with those on "team Jen".  It wasn’t that she was without doubt or the facts but that she was able to turn it around and wasn't shy about seeking out help. Whether it’s work, weight or health related your beliefs are not necessarily gospel and we have the choice to be dejected and depressed or energized and action-oriented. Speaking of actions, we’re just starting to fundraise for Cycle 2012. I am optimistic we’ll surpass our team goal of $10,000. I am fearlessly asking you to click over and help us stomp on cancer.

Do you consider yourself an optimist or a pessimist? Does it give you hope that your beliefs and self-beliefs are subject to change? Have you ever listened to an audiobook? Are you going to donate to Cycle?

Jen Goodman Linn: You Were Fearless

From YouFearless.com Jen's Blog

Two years ago, a client was referred to me. When I received her information forms, my heart sunk. The paperwork described a woman, in her thirties, who had been diagnosed with Sarcoma, a rare cancer, in 2003. She had already endured 26 months of chemo and 4 abdominal surgeries. The next day, in my waiting room, was this adorable, bubbly girl with a wide smile and beautiful white teeth. When we started to talk, she was very pragmatic. She was cancer free but wanted to put herself in the best place nutritionally in the event that the cancer came back (and she said it just like that). We devised a plan and, not one to waste precious time, she immediately implemented everything we outlined. This client's name is Jen but I no longer think of her as my client. I think of her as my friend, my teacher and my hero who I will miss so very much. Jen passed away on Wednesday and her funeral is today. 

‎"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it is the life in your years."-Abe Lincoln

The quote above appeared on Jen’s Facebook page where people have been sending their wishes and sharing their sadness. Jen wasn't one to stay sad though; she knew how to live. She and her husband Dave started Cycle for Survival and it’s the most successful patient initiated charity Memorial Sloan Kettering has ever had raising over nine million dollars to for rare cancers. I remember sitting with Jen, in November, she was at Sloan getting a blood transfusion and fairly weak. Never one to let an opportunity slip away Jen was signing nurses up for Cycle. Marc and I were honored to experience  Cycle this spring on Team Fearless, Jen’s team. And in all the times I have seen Jen since that first office visit, that smile never faded.

I don’t have wit in me right now but tried to capture some Jen lessons:

Rejoice in what your body can do. 

The second Jen was cleared by doctors she was at the gym trying to regain her strength. Oh and did I mention she asked for a stationary bike in her hospital room? She started Cycle, in part, because spinning was what kept her sane though her treatments and illness. I wrote about Jen before I ran Chicago this year. I was anxious about the race (the weather was much like today) and received this email from Jen:

I am so excited for your marathon next week. If you get tired running just think of the fact that many of us take for granted what a privilege it is to be able to run. With my stomach cramps and tumors, I haven't been able to truly run in years. I miss it so, so much. So enjoy all 26.2 miles because you can! I will be cheering for you from afar.

I will run this morning before the funeral Jen, because I can, and I'll think of you; I’ll play Chumbawamba too.

Know when to see the trees instead of the forest.

Jen endured a roller coaster life of progress and setbacks. When she received news that wasn’t good, she wanted a plan. When the plan for the new treatment was in place, Jen would focus on the steps involved or the treatments. She was like a quarterback who could hone in on the play without getting distracted by all that was happening around them. I think this helped her live fearlessly.  So when you are daunted, sit back and make a game plan. Anytime you feel shaky just refer to the plan. There is something very Zen about this.

Vanity is Good

Jen often joked, “I can be bald or fat but not both” and wrote a great WebMD piece about this. I had found it hard to figure out how clients battling things way more important than weight cared about their weight. Jen’s doctor explained it “being vain is a GREAT thing. It shows that you have a true desire and willingness to live." There is something about our hair and our weight that is integral to who we are. It isn’t shallow to cling to these things when tested. It shows you are hanging on.

Tell People What You Need (or Don’t Need)

Jen was her own advocate. I heard from Jen regularly and at one point didn’t get a reply. I panicked. I  sent Jen an email “everything OK?” I made a mistake and said “I’m worried.”  Jen emailed back all right. She said, “please don’t say you’re worried. It makes me anxious.” While I was daunted at first, I learned a lot about communicating with people when they are ill from Jen.  I made another mistake on July 11^th.  Jen’s doctors had some concerns about her blood work and we were emailing about what she should eat. I offered to drop off some things after work. Only, it got late and I didn’t think I should bother her. Jen sent an email I got in the morning “I didn’t know if you were coming, no package was left.” She called me on it and that was my last email from her. I'm sorry Jen, what I would do now for one more conversation, to see that smile one last time.

 Jen turned 40 this past March. She was the happiest person in the worth to turn 40. It was a gift and she did a “dance” video in her own honor. This makes me smile; please watch it to see Jen in action.

In Jen’s words:

“We all have a choice in how we want to live our lives … I have chosen to be Me Fearless. I have applied this approach to every aspect of my life and, in the process, I’ve discovered that amazing things present themselves. My mission now is to encourage those around me to apply that philosophy to their lives and relish in the results. You can become You Fearless.”

Let’s all try, in Jen's honor. 
Jen chronicled her journey on her site youfearless.com.

Doomed Resolutions (and how to improve them)

What are the two most common resolutions? No drumroll needed, weight loss is number 1 and number 2 is to not make any resolutions. Last year I gave you my 2 cents on resolutions in In Defense of Resolutions. I still remain steadfastly pro-resolution.  I rejoice in resolutions and encourage my clients do the same. But there’s a method to resolution-making: You need to make resolutions that are realistic – not revolutionary. Here are my five resolutions not to make, and what to do instead:

(I wrote this piece for Blisstree)

Result Resolutions. An example of these is the classic and clichéd aforementioned, “I will lose X number of pounds.” While it’s perfectly fine to wish for weight loss, this is no road map to get you where you want to go.

Resolution Evolution: Focus instead on the behaviors that may be holding you back. Is your oven being used as alternative storage? Maybe you need to cook more often. Is there only milk for your coffee in your fridge? Focus on food shopping. Are you hitting the vending machine during the afternoon at the office? Bring healthier snacks to work. If you change these behaviors, weight loss (and subsequent maintenance) stands a chance.

Never Say Never. No, Really. We all have our vices and it’s not out of the question to give them up. I have a good friend who started drinking green tea instead of soda (yes!), but you want to set yourself up to succeed and not aim to wipe something out completely.

Resolution Evolution: The key with a goal like this is to avoid using the word “never.” With the soda example, my friend first cut her “habit” down to one a day, then weekends only – and now she’s soda-free.

Flying solo. Let’s face it, whether you’re training for a running race or trying to eat less sugar you are going to stumble. When your internal motivation wanes, there needs to be a back-up plan or safety net. I can tell you when I had doubts while training for the Chicago Marathon, knowing I had blogged about it kept me on track.

Resolution Evolution: Accountability and support can help you stick to your resolutions. If your goal is to start working out, perhaps you can join a running group or select an ongoing yoga class. If you want to work on your eating habits, seek out a nutritionist foodtrainers.net or email a weekly food journal to a friend.

Putting-All-Your-Eggs-In-One-Basket-Resolutions. You want to make resolutionS, as in more than 1. For starters, there’s probably more than one thing you can benefit from improving, and some are easier to accomplish than others.

Resolution Evolution: At Foodtrainers, our clients make multiple resolutions and use them as a road map for the year ahead. Goals can be as simple as “learn to make soup” or “stretch more.” Rather than falling off the wagon, you’ll find that during different parts of the year you’re doing better with certain goals. You’ll also most likely be successful in a few areas and this will spur you on.

What Resolution? The sad fact is that well before we “spring ahead,” most resolutions have gone by the wayside (or jumped onto our backside). Instead of hanging on for dear life and regularly slipping up, expect inconsistency.

Resolution Evolution: Set a resolution reminder on your computer or phone for the first of every month. Perform a resolution review. If your workouts aren’t happening the way you had hoped, re-group and refine your plan. The act of veering and re-grouping is actually the number one weight loss skill.

For selfish purposes (not one to fly solo) some of my 2011 resolutions:
Run 2 half marathons- I am planning to kick off my 2011 running with the More ½ marathon and I’d love company. I most likely will pick a marathon (or ultra) but haven’t yet.
I’ve coined 2011 the year of the headstand for me. I stuck with yoga and now I want to face some of my flexibility “fears”.
Cycle for Survival is in February, I’m honored to be doing “Cycle” and I’m on team fearless. This is a huge source of inspiration for me, please help support the cause.
1 new recipe a week-I want to be less of a cooking creature of habit and will try at least one new something each week and tell you about it.
 I’m a financial imbecile and want to get on top of things.
And finally and I can’t believe I’m putting this out there. I want to write more. I love blogging and want to write the book I’ve been postponing.
What’s on your evolved resolution list? I’d love to hear and promise to check in with you and keep you honest.  Let’s check back on February 1.

November Challenge

It’s November first today. A few of you may recall, when I set my resolutions that I mentioned I’d follow up on my progress on the 1st of each month. The good news is that I am fairly content in my results having run Chicago, started yoga (which I now would say I love) and I’m happy I set these benchmarks to carry with me and strive for. I also have to say that writing about these monthly is another story. Enough about me, I want to use today to challenge you. If you read this blog regularly (thank you I worship you) you’ll know that I dedicated my Chicago marathon to 2 important J’s in my life. Little J was at my apartment for trick-or-treating last night. I didn’t tell any of my friends about his ordeal and nobody, until told, suspected anything other than a costumed, candy craving child on a mission to collect big. He should be back in first grade soon and his mother, who I wrote about,well I saw her smile last night too.

Older J, has a name, it’s Jen but you can call her fearless Jen too. I saw fearless Jen on Friday. I email with Jen a lot but asked if there was a way I could come and see her. I wanted to see if I could help with her nutrition but I also just wanted to sit and talk. I went to Sloan Kettering to keep Jen company during a blood transfusion. Jen encouraged me to come early, before she got too groggy. I walked into the hospital room and a beaming Jen smiled at me. I met her mom too, also trying her best to be cheery. Her mom snapped the photo of Jen and me (above) for Jen’s You Fearless blog. Jen explained to me that the chemo she was on wasn’t helping and she was about to embark on another potent combination chemo. She is in a lot of pain at this point so it’s key that this next “cocktail” is effective. Yet no time with Jen is doom and gloom. Jen was busy recruiting nurses and hospital staff for Cycle for Survival. “Cycle” is an amazing event and charity started by Jen and her husband Dave. Cycle 2011 will be on February 12th and 13th and here is where your challenge comes in.

Cycle is currently in New York, Long Island, Chicago and as of last week San Francisco. Do not despair if you are not in these cities you can start a satellite team. There are 4 hour shifts that can be divided up. I do have to say the idea of the “extreme” option where you cycle for 4 hours appealed to my “aint no mountain high enough” side. You can decide what’s right for you. It’s winter and exercising outside is getting tougher. This is a great cause, a great goal and I encourage, ok implore, you to register. I know where I’ll be during Cycle. Jen looked at me on Friday and said “you’ll be on my team, team Fearless.”
Do you think you'll try Cycle or tell your friends about it? Do you have any J's in your life who inspire you? What are you fearful of?