I'm not a hugger (and how this can help you)

Call her my girl crush, idol or obsession; whichever word you use- I love Nora Ephron. I love her writing and movies, how much she loved NYC and, most importantly, her feelings about egg white omelets. I admire her so much I felt “bad about my neck” years before I needed to (and silently thank her when I apply night cream below my chin). So, when I read a review of Richard Cohen's new Nora Ephron biography She Made Me Laugh, I immediately headed to Barnes and Noble. Amazon prime would not do.

I've always felt some sort of connection to Nora; I'm sure many feel this way but as I read this fantastic book a few things stood out:

Nora abhorred religion

She didn’t like dancing

And she wasn’t much of a hugger

Why does this matter? It matters because you're supposed to like each of these things. And each of these things I've kind of fudged liking for a long time. And so now I feel I can be out.

I will never dance like nobody is watching and can't relate to that sentiment. I found another non-dancer (and married him) and we saunter over to the bar when the band begins. Or we watch other people dance and prove my dance theory and that is that being a good dancer isn’t a prerequisite for liking to dance. 

As for religion, I grew up Jewish-ish. There was no Hebrew school or bat mitzvah. We didn’t have seders...we had dinners.  We only had a rabbi at our wedding because I felt we had to.

And hugging, hugging confuses me. I don't mind a kiss hello but a hug is reserved for my kids…on visiting day when they’ve been away for three weeks.  I especially hate those awkward moments where you don’t know if you’re expected to hug or not.

As of today, I am going to own my feelings on these topics. My guess is that you have something you've been pretending to like too. If it's something as silly as dancing or hugging there's no reason to fake it. However, there are some areas where I’ll make effort to change such as bringing by reusable shopping bags, tracking my finances (I’d rather dance) and ending my delightful, summer fling with rosé.

Fear and Weight

This past Saturday I took part in Cycle for Survival. Cycle for Survival is an indoor spinning event that raises money for rare cancers; it was founded by my friend Jen Goodman Linn and her husband Dave. Jen passed away in July and since then I've found myself channeling grief into carrying on her legacy. I am not alone. This year, cycle raised close to 8 million dollars for cancer research.  For our part, we put together a team of 15 people. Many of these team members said “yes” within a few minutes of my initial recruiting email.

That's Ethan Zohn a new type of "survivor" 

Team Foodtrainers

Jen’s mantra and website was YouFearless. In March Jen turned 40 and, though sick, filmed her fabulous “Happy to be 40” dance video. Please stop reading and watch it if you haven’t, you’ll really get a sense of Jen. As a testament to Jen we agreed to post a dance video for each thousand we raised. Dancing is scary but we danced and it was kind of fun.

Gorgeous Jen

I think of Jen all the time but this weekend it was as though she was there. I sensed Jen daring us all to pedal faster, to do better, to make a difference. I also thought about fear. Those of us who aren’t fighting for our lives can have a hard time accessing our fear. I’ve been asking myself if my fears are legit if they aren’t major.  I mean how does a fear of getting my work done or being late stack up to a fear of not being here at all? It really doesn’t.

OPI Limited Edition You Fearless

Then I thought back to my sessions and conversations with Jen. Though Jen was a dreamer and an achiever she loved the fun stuff, the petty stuff.  Jen wanted to know about anti cancer foods and weight loss foods too. One of the last emails I received from Jen was telling me she saw me quoted in In Style and her best friend created You Fearless nail polish with OPI for Cycle. Jen was equal parts silly and serious. Fearlessness can absolutely be applied to "lesser" fears and it can apply to food. 

Some of us have a fear of failure, what happens if it doesn’t work? This can stifle us. Fear of failure for many translates into a fear of starting. It distracts us from the work to be done. Jen never knew if a treatment would be successful, she just focused on taking the necessary steps.

Fear of change- what will it be like if you lose weight? If you don’t eat your favorite treats? Will it be ok? I would ask yourself, is staying the same is ok? Is that acceptable? If not, let’s see how it goes. The treats aren’t going anywhere.

Fear of being noticed- with weight loss comes attention, some people dislike this.  Rather than cloaking ourselves in weight or food maybe we need to figure out why we’re hiding.

Fear of spending money and time- how can we not take care of ourselves? Jen knew how to take care of herself. I remember Jen requesting someone for reflexology while she received a blood transfusion. Jen knew the power of a pedicure and the wonder of a workout. 

Fear can trap you and stop you from living your life. We have to stop the excuses, stop postponing. When we shed the fear, we can shed the weight.

As Jen said, “without fear anything is possible.”

Jen told me this before the Chicago Marathon, can't say it better "because we can".

Thank you to those who contributed money. Now I’m asking you to contribute to fearlessness. 
What are your fears? Have you noticed any of them affecting your weight or wellness? How do you plan to face your fears? Some event photos below.

Marc and I, no pressure just the front row

Karen and Shari, I mean My Judy the Foodie

Love a team member with a Jack Daniels bandanna, work hard play hard.

You just got here, we're not leaving, it's a charity event!

Kaylee and my Foodtrainer-in-crime Carolyn finish off our shifts

The future fearless, Cycle for Survival 2022?

Clare Veronica Walsh was Fearless Too

I was wasting time on Twitter Monday, while my boys finished skiing. Many of the people I follow were tweeting about a Clare Walsh. I’ve never met Clare Walsh but learned that she was a teacher at Soul Cycle, in her early twenties and passed away on Christmas Day.  Details were scant and I’m still not sure why I found myself searching for them. Perhaps it would help to have an explanation for someone young and seemingly healthy dying. One thing was clear this Clare Walsh was special.  Though clearly beautiful, many expressed that her inner beauty was remarkable.

In my weird hunt for information about this beautiful person I had never met, I came across a stirring tribute on a blog called Stilettos on Sullivan. Caitlin described a Clare that was full of energy and adept at motivating others. And then in talking about how Clare lived her life, she called her “fearless” and commented that she wanted to be more fearless like Clare. For those of you who read my blog regularly you’ll recall fearlessness was my friend Jen Goodman Linn's platform. Her website was youfearless.com. I made this connection and continued along. In remembering her beloved teacher, Caitlin advises us not to take anything for granted and to “dance your ass off everyday.” I got goose bumps. Whenever I am blue I watch Jen’s Happy To Be 40 video which you must watch if you haven't already.

The fearlessness, the ability to inspire others, the spinning (Jen you’ll recall started Cycle for Survival) and the dancing…you may say coincidence but I think it’s more than that. I think Jen and Clare are dancing together and it’s up to those of us who are here to dance our asses off everyday.
What are you fearful of? How can you envision being more fearless? When is the last time you danced?