Maybe you'll never "love your body" (and that's OK)

Monday, I admitted to a major meltdown. I joked (or bitched) about being kitchen-less before a beach vacation. The subtext was that I like to clean things up with my diet before the whole bathing suit situation. That same day, a colleague’s Instagram post caught my eye. I should preface this by saying this person is awesome. I had the pleasure of meeting her during our recent California/Expo West trip and she’s funny and smart and none of what I’m writing is about her…just about something she wrote.

Let me set this up:

The photo I referred to shows this nutritionist in a jog bra. What’s interesting was her commentary on showing your stomach. The stated intent was to show her followers she understood this was a thing (showing your stomach).

I’ll stop for a minute and say while abs may be the ultimate reveal, many women don’t like “showing” in general. It could be insecurity about a certain body part (arms, thighs or abs are common) and it’s also possible it stems from personal preference. In my case, I have way more A-line items in my closet than body hugging ones.  And if I’m being totally honest my Instagram feed is never going to be filled with photos of me especially not sexy photos. And this is not a judgement about people who have  a ton of selfies (OK minor judgement).

The RD I referred to explains she loves her body and is unfazed by bathing suiting but didn’t always feel that way. In her effort to diffuse body anxiety she assures readers “it gets better with age, you will evolve, mature…three will come a day where you don’t care if you ate pizza the night before you get into a bathing suit.”

I think things struck a chord as I had just articulated my pre-beach mindset. I am over a decade older than this person;  I think I've evolved and matured but wearing a bathing suit isn’t "thoughtless" to me. From counseling clients all these years, I know that sometimes body stuff fades with age, we can laugh at it more, be more accepting. Other times, with aging bodies, previously body confident women (or men) get more self critical.  I watched an episode of The View yesterday and the gorgeous, ageless, super fit J-Lo saw a photo of herself and uttered, “I was chubby there.” They gave her major shit for that comment but it came out.

I wholeheartedly agree with the author of the post that we need to be kind to ourselves. But I want to point out that it’s not a failing if you’re 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 or 80 (I have an 80-something client who is very mature and still pinches her body fat and grimaces) and think about being in a bathing suit or wouldn’t rate your body a 10 on a 1-10 scale…it may just be who you are. I can say I’m a thin person, I like who I am and there are many days I feel great in my clothes. But I will note when I feel distended in the same way I’ll watch a clip for work and think about things I could’ve done better. Maybe self-acceptance comes in all different flavors.

What do you think about this? Are you more the happy naked flavor or semi-sweet on the whole thing?  Do you think it's ok not to love your body (by this I mean be 100% in love with every part)? 

*I love that my body works and every time I go for a walk or a run thank God I am capable of this...that's not what I'm referring to.

Are you as comfortable naked as Helen Hunt?

Last week we saw a movie called The Sessions. The film is based on a short story written by Mark O’Brien. Mark suffered from polio as a child, remains immobile and visits a sex surrogate. I had never heard of sex surrogacy but let’s just describe it as physical therapy for other parts…Helen Hunt plays the sex surrogate and while I have all sorts of thoughts about this profession, I was more intrigued with Hunt’s nakedness. Helen Hunt doesn’t have a nude scene in the movie, she’s nude for most of the movie and seemingly totally at ease.

On the Today Show Hunt said, “all right, all right for God’s sake, I’m naked. People keep saying this is a ‘brave’ performance and I keep thinking ‘brave’ means ‘naked’”.  I’ve written before about the naked locker room people (and how I am sooo not one of them) but while naked for covered-up types like me is “brave” I am thinking for the naked-and-happy club naked is sort of natural. 

Hunt also said “my role in this movie is to come in and give the audience a glimpse of what it would be like if we dropped all our strangeness about sexuality.” Where does this strangeness about sexuality or nudity come from though? Is a comfort level in the buff tied in with body image? If you feel better about your body are you more apt to sleep naked or parade around without clothes? A piece on Mind Body Green actually suggests time in front of a mirror naked as a way to reduce body hatred and improve self-esteem. I haven’t tried it yet.

I’m also intrigued by whether growing up in a naked house makes you more comfortable naked. Interestingly, I have a mother who was very comfortable (and still is) about her body. She didn’t parade around when I had friends over but didn’t ever seem in a rush to cover up either. You’d think that would make her children “free” in this sense but it didn’t. Is that our personalities or do you pull away from what you’re used to? Again not sure.

Matt Lauer said to Hunt something to the effect of as the film goes on you sort of forget she’s naked. This may just be really good acting but it would be really nice if we could all forget the discomfort and awkwardness that nakedness presents. There will be no “sessions” in my future or group nakedness (I didn’t mean it like that) but I do think body comfort is something to aspire to. Do you?

Have you seen The Sessions or heard about it? Are you a naked sleeper or locker room person? Why do you think some people are naked-and-happy? Is it from your family, where you were raised or is it individual? What do you think of the naked time suggestion from Mind Body Green?

No Issues Naked or Exposure-phobe?

You know those naked people in the locker room at the gym? I am not one of those. Nor am I the girl running down the beach totally at ease in her bikini. I may have the bikini on but I’ll have my cover-up du jour on for more of the time. When we were in France last summer I was amazed at the women young and my mother’s age, thin and no so thin totally at ease with their physiques and teeny swim suits. I tried to act like I was like that, while we were there, but who am I kidding?

I notice this modesty at yoga. I’ve now been doing yoga for a year and declared 2011 the year of the inversion. This year my body will do upside down. Truth be told, I can do a headstand and even a handstand (at home). What’s holding me back from unveiling my poses in class? It’s the fear of my shirt going upside down with me. I am a thin person, this I know. I wear a small size and work out a bunch. I also know that I don’t love the idea of my “I’ve had 2 kids” abs being on display for all of Pure Yoga to see, upside-down no less.

I tweeted about this to my favorite workout-clothing maker Lululemon. I asked, “is there a way of inverting without exposing?” Lululemon, always responsive, suggested their Power Y, Get Focused or Pure Focus tops. While I’m liking the band at the bottom of the Pure Focus, it’s a little too loose looking, even for an exposure-phobe like me. The owner of Nuttzo (amazingly addictive nut butters) suggested I try Yummie Tummie. Yummie Tummie chimed in and thought I’d like their Skinny Tank. Although the photo looks a little sexy for yoga, they promise it’ll do the drink.  I am not usually a fan of “shape wear”. I feel it sucks you in and I end up with a tummy ache from the sucking (not so yummy). We’ll see, I’m willing to test drive these and most likely will.

In yoga this week something happened that may do more for me than any new shirt. We were in class and the teacher led us though a sequence of poses where some people go into headstand and others hang out with their hands and feet on the ground. In this pose I don’t know the name of you are peering through your legs behind you. As the show-offs  people worked their way into headstand, something happened. I looked those in headstand. One of these head standers was a girl I’ve been in class with many times. She’s fit and friendly and can pretty much twist her body into any shape imaginable (hate her, sorry that’s not yogi).  Anyway, I looked over and her top (neither “yummie” nor “focused”) went over along with her. And you know what? Hanging over her yoga pants was a little extra. Love handles or “hatha” handles call them what you will. It somehow made me feel better like cellulite on supermodels. My reaction wasn’t critical but more of a feeling that we all have something.  You’ll never find me at a nudist colony or applying make-up sans clothes but before the end of the year I’ll be going upside down in yoga.

Are you the naked girl in the locker room or an exposure-phobe? Any inversion tips or clothing suggestions? Is there hope I can be a 65-year-old woman prancing down the beach? Do I have to wait that long?