Tuesday, January 7, 2014

What "you're perfect just the way you are" really means.


This blog was a big part of what prompted me to write a book and here I am focused on getting LBT out there neglecting my blog, what does that make me? I’ll be back to regular posting soon but one of my favorite things about blogging is when I come across something that compels me to post. These items never make it into my “blog topics” file. This morning I was doing my social media browsing and a friend posted the cover of my book “The Little Book of Thin” and mentioned she had enjoyed it so much she re-read it-nice. This friend is thin and beautiful as many of my clients and readers are. It was two comments below her post made me pause and I’ll try to paraphrase as my intention isn’t to call anyone out (directly).

The first basically said, “wait a minute- you’re already thin".  I think this is interesting and brings up the question of why we read diet or nutrition books. To this commenter I would say feeling good isn’t just about size. It never feels good to come home at the end of the day and order in because you haven’t food shopped, it doesn’t feel good when you’re bloated or knowing you have foods and ingredients you’re regularly eating that are probably harming way more than your weight.

And the second comment stated that the poster was perfect as is ok I’m going to quote “For what it is worth, you are beautiful inside and out. Just the way you are.” This type of statement isn’t as straightforward as it seems. It’s one thing to point out someone looks great, a compliment is always welcome. The message here is you don’t need to do anything and it strikes me as a little judgy. If I read a novel and post that I enjoyed it are you going to tell me “you don’t need to read that you’re smart already”. No, there’s the sense that learning has its merit. So why then is it wrong to read and learn about nutrition? It isn’t but I just had to say so.
What do you think about these two comments? Is reading about food and nutrition all about weight? And even if it is, anything wrong with wanting to drop a couple pounds even if you appear thin? And “perfect just the way you are” is that purely nice or a little more involved?”


19 comments:

  1. I always have a hard time with that blanket statement: that you are perfect at any size. Sometimes I feel like it gives people an excuse for bad habits. And while I do believe that some people can't control their weight, and that yes, we all have different body types, I don't think that most really understand how hard you actually need to work at it. I am extremely active - bootcamp 3 days a week, running at least 40 miles, and biking and I eat very very well. When clients, friends, family etc tell me they just can't lose weight I try to explain just how much work it really takes. A lot really just don't get it. Obviously not everyone has the time, but I am completely willing to give up other things to fit in what I need to for exercise and healthy meal prep. Because it is worth it. Need to get your book - any European publishers?

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  2. UGH! I hate this. After I had my baby a few friends said "I hope you aren't going to go crazy losing all your pregnancy weight. You should enjoy your baby." First off, I gained 50 lbs! 18 of it was fluid from preelampsia...that landed me in the ICU. Also, I had a wedding dress to get into. I enjoyed my baby, but I wanted to get rid of the weight and be active again. I could not wait to take walks and go to spin class. My pregnancy was tough, I could not exercise after week 16 because of a placenta issue and honestly had such bad morning sickness I hadn't really exercised for the first 12 weeks anyway. I ate bagels, pizza and ice cream! Lying in the ICU hooked up to 3 IV's trying to control my blood pressure really made me want to get back to my healthy self...and also I wanted to get back into my skinny jeans. I spent plently of time with my baby and enjoyed our walks, but I also enjoyed getting out of the house and going to boxing or spin class. I recently saw the nurse who had taken care of me in the ICU. She said "oh, I didn't realize you had cheek bones!" I have a beautiful daughter to remind me of my pregnancy, I don't need an extra 10 lbs also.

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  3. Ill be blunt. Anyone who is overweight by any significant amount..(use your imagination). Is not only unhappy about it, they are also compromising their health. My mentor, Mr. CHEK, says, "You can't turn chicken shit into chicken salad". The nicer way to say that, you can't turn crappy processed food into good nutrition. So being beautiful inside and out is an illusion. Most people's insides are uglier than their outsides

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  4. I really enjoyed reading your book, and I don't want to lose any weight. I think people often don't acknowledge that maintaining a healthy weight takes work, especially as we age. I definitely am doing things differently in my 40s than in my 30s, and I know there are more changes ahead. Plus, as you said, nutrition knowledge is about so much more than just weight.

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  5. :) It's definitely about feeling well rather than just the way we look :) My copy appeared on my iPad magically since I pre-ordered it. I have not read it yet. I have to finish the book I am currently reading. I wish you good luck and a Happy New Year :) So happy for you!!!!!

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  6. Reading about food is definitely not just about weight, you're right that there is more to health than just a number on a scale. So even if someone is already thin, that person can still do more to improve his/her health. We're always learning more through new research about certain foods that are and are not good for us.

    The second comment, being perfect just the way you are, I think struck you the way it did because you're a perfectionist like I am. No matter how well you're doing at something, you can always be doing better and there's nothing wrong with trying to do better, even though other people might think you should be satisfied with how things are. But I don't think that other people usually mean anything by it (there are always exceptions, though).

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  7. Maybe what that second comment was trying to get at is that maybe there needs to be more emphasis on balance (in life, just not with weight). Everyone can be thinner, healthier, smarter, happier, richer or just plain better at life in general. It's wonderful to have goals to strive for. The real issue is that some people just don't know when to stop and lose the ability to be happy/content in the present, flaws and all. It is just too easy to have that "lose 5 more pounds" goal in your head and feel like you can't be satisfied with your life just yet. Having this mindset can be pretty self defeating and can get in the way of living life. People can decide to be happy right now and not wait for the "better future" when they are thinner and as a result, their life is suddenly perfect. Obviously I think trying to be healthier is an awesome goal but it can also be a little too easy to become too obsessive about these sorts of things (this happens to me a lot and it's not good for me!)

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  8. Thank you Jessica, the truth is while part of me wanted to write a book- it is also about selling books and weight loss versus healthy habits is more catchy. Having said that, as I think someone said below, this is a book about staying on the healthy course and I hope a primer for healthy eating. As I mention in LBT there's no finish line or "maintenance" really. Thank you for reading, I'm so glad you liked it.

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  9. Very good points but I think the assumption that reading about nutrition, focusing on eating better or seeing a nutritionist is obsessive or unnecessary isn't fair either. And at the end of the day we have to decide for ourselves, one person's exercise is another person's eating well is another person's bubble bath if done in the right way.

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  10. Agreed amanda, had a client last night who has friends that give her a hard time about making healthy choices. She used to feel terribly and told me a story how she looked her friend in the eye and said "I feel really great eating this way". When we own it and allow positive choices to filter into other areas of our lives it speaks for itself. I love what you said about feeling safe and proud to explore- and if that means talking about it- great.

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  11. Can't wait for the Ayala review, what are you reading now?

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  12. Really wish I could high five you. We have to change our eating with age and also with our schedules, goals, interests etc. There are not just two choices lose or gain...

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  13. Ha ha chicken shit. Agreed that sometimes when you're not on the healthy page- it's easy to criticize those who are. I also agree that the insides matter and LOVE that we can do/eat the same thing to make both our insides and our outsides happy/pretty etc.

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  14. don't go crazy trying to lose weight....so you should go crazy from eating crap food and feeling terrible? All different types of crazy.

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  15. I am not religious but AMEN. Europe- where are you? I asked Penguin/Perigee and they said not sure yet if will be picked up in various countries. It has been licensed in a handful (so weird). Yes, it takes work to feel good, fit etc but why can't we credit work in this arena, we credit it elsewhere, right? Thanks Karen look forward to "talking" food more in 2014

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  16. I am sure you are awesome :) I am reading, " Like the Flowing River" by Paulo Coelho.

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  17. it's really interesting what people's comments say about their own insecurities/stages of life. we can and have talked all day about the word "thin", what's wrong with wanting to be thin if it's not compromising your health? The swing of the emphasis on healthy and strong etc and away from skinny and thin is going overboard for me. I think the reinforcing and continuing to learn point is a great one - we are all in a continual state of self improvement in all other areas of life (hopefully), why not nutrition/weight/health too? I just read aidans post and totally agree you can be the same weight and feel puffy and just ick. not always - or mostly - about the numbers.

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  18. I am in Belgium. Maybe I will just get the digital copy, and then the next time I am in the US get the paper. Sounds like a book with great tips in it that I would like to use for reference :)
    I think that we should be proud of the work that we do - in the kitchen and working out. I wish food and exercise choices didn't have to be so controversial. These are the things that make me (and many others) feel good in the rest of my life, it's not just about the number on the scale. It's sad that others can't achieve that feeling as well.

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  19. I did get your book in hard copy! Amazon UK.... Read it in one day. There were lots of great tips and planning ideas - thanks!!!

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