Is food an issue in your relationship?

Sure you want to eat that?

What are you uncomfortable discussing? Sex? Money matters? I would normally add politics to this list but most of us have extinguished that fear this election season. Today I’m shooting a news segment on couples and food. The producer joked to me “it’s easier to get heroin users to talk to us.” I sent a few emails to clients and friends. We have two women and one man on board to open up about food differences in their relationships. However, the majority of the responses I received went something like “this is a huge issue for us but I’m not sure we want to air our dirty laundry.” Really? We weren’t asking people to strip naked. Rather “he’s a health nut and I’m not” that sort of thing.

When a client enters into a new relationship I always ask, “what kind of an eater are they?” While this may seem unimportant initially, while everyone is on good behavior, you eat three times a day, it will matter. If you love to stay home and cook and he wants to go out every night OR he is gluten free and you are “gluten full” you need a game plan.

No need to completely convert

“We need to work on his eating” a client told me last week referring to her boyfriend.

“No we don’t” I said. Let’s work on your eating. As long as your partner isn’t AGAINST your eating regime, you’re ok. We don’t expect our significant other so think the same way we do and so they don’t need to eat the same exact way either.

My husband loves golf, I promise you he spends more hours golfing than eating. I tried it and I don’t love golf (understatement alert). He doesn’t expect me to golf, we’re good.

Metabolism Matters

When it comes to eating, metabolism, gender and age affect how much you should or can eat.

A tiny woman shouldn’t match a big guy or you’ll have relationship weight gain.

Homemade Helps

Cooking at home allows you to share the experience of meal prep and menu selection. If one person likes fries or steak, you can make baked fries or sweet potato fries and grass-fed steak. Or, you can add a veg for the healthier eater. There’s usually that Venn diagram overlap or some common ground.

No Food Advice While Eating

This is the same advice I give to parents of teens.

“Are you sure you want to eat that?” is never going to be met with “oh you’re right, I don’t’ want to eat that.” If you’re going to say you’re worried about their health, I am sure but don’t worry about it at the table. There is nothing sexy about policing your mate.

Finally, as I said in my blog last week, let’s not be so shy about this. Whether you’re in a new relationship or a longstanding one you can discuss food and eating. Just don’t contact Foodtrainers for “couples Foodtraining” we don’t offer that service for a reason.

We're not on camera, tell me about your relationship food issues. Do you and your partner eat similarly? Was that always the case? If you do not, what do you do to compromise?
And finally, happy halloween...if you missed it here is a link to our "healthy sweets you can eat newsletter".

Should we care about Kirsten Gillibrand’s weight?

Kirsten Gillibrand, a US Senator from New York,  has a new book out called Off the Sidelines. Much of the press surrounding the book has focused on her weight. People Magazine had the headline “Porky in Politics” and NY Daily News led with  “Kirsten Gillibrand talks weight struggles and sexism in new book”  Of course I read this coverage with interest.

Part of me thought she’s a US friggin’ senator and we’re focused on her weight and then quickly I corrected myself. It doesn’t matter if you’re a senator people care about weight and the vast majority of people personally care about their weight and image too. In Gillibrand’s case there were the countless comments colleagues (I should say other politicians) made. This one was priceless, a male colleague’s comment when seeing Gillibrand at the congressional gym, “Good thing you’re working out, because you wouldn’t want to get porky!” Gillibrand’s response: “Thanks, a—hole.”

Gillibrand says she’s been every size from a 4 to a 16 and in a testament to my belief that the busier you are the more you get done she managed to lose 40 pounds while running for election. Yes, senators (and CEOs and celebrities) keep food journals. Gillibrand also emailed with her sister for support and has seen a nutritionist. So there’s something private and relatable about Gillibrand’s transformation. She has talked about her children saying, “I hope I’m setting a good example for them by making health a priority.” She has talked about her husband’s support in making sure she had time for her morning run.“If I find an hour a day for myself, I’m a better mom and senator.”

But there’s another piece of this and that’s what happened to Gillibrand’s approval ratings with her weight loss. The Post summed it up this way “Senator Kristen Gillibrand went from plump and obscure to thin and popular.”  And though there’s been talk of Chris Christie’s weight, this Washington Post writer summed it up best “appearance matters in politics, for male and female candidates. But it is an inescapable fact of political life that for female candidates, appearance matters more.”

Politics is a game, Gillibrand seems to be playing it well but playing it with integrity. While weight loss may have boosted her you can’t lose weight without really putting the time in and doing the work. And you can’t keep weight off for a job or because you “should”.

Were you aware of Gillibrand's weight loss? Do you think weight matters in every profession? Do you think it's different depending on your gender?