Is food an issue in your relationship?

Sure you want to eat that?

What are you uncomfortable discussing? Sex? Money matters? I would normally add politics to this list but most of us have extinguished that fear this election season. Today I’m shooting a news segment on couples and food. The producer joked to me “it’s easier to get heroin users to talk to us.” I sent a few emails to clients and friends. We have two women and one man on board to open up about food differences in their relationships. However, the majority of the responses I received went something like “this is a huge issue for us but I’m not sure we want to air our dirty laundry.” Really? We weren’t asking people to strip naked. Rather “he’s a health nut and I’m not” that sort of thing.

When a client enters into a new relationship I always ask, “what kind of an eater are they?” While this may seem unimportant initially, while everyone is on good behavior, you eat three times a day, it will matter. If you love to stay home and cook and he wants to go out every night OR he is gluten free and you are “gluten full” you need a game plan.

No need to completely convert

“We need to work on his eating” a client told me last week referring to her boyfriend.

“No we don’t” I said. Let’s work on your eating. As long as your partner isn’t AGAINST your eating regime, you’re ok. We don’t expect our significant other so think the same way we do and so they don’t need to eat the same exact way either.

My husband loves golf, I promise you he spends more hours golfing than eating. I tried it and I don’t love golf (understatement alert). He doesn’t expect me to golf, we’re good.

Metabolism Matters

When it comes to eating, metabolism, gender and age affect how much you should or can eat.

A tiny woman shouldn’t match a big guy or you’ll have relationship weight gain.

Homemade Helps

Cooking at home allows you to share the experience of meal prep and menu selection. If one person likes fries or steak, you can make baked fries or sweet potato fries and grass-fed steak. Or, you can add a veg for the healthier eater. There’s usually that Venn diagram overlap or some common ground.

No Food Advice While Eating

This is the same advice I give to parents of teens.

“Are you sure you want to eat that?” is never going to be met with “oh you’re right, I don’t’ want to eat that.” If you’re going to say you’re worried about their health, I am sure but don’t worry about it at the table. There is nothing sexy about policing your mate.

Finally, as I said in my blog last week, let’s not be so shy about this. Whether you’re in a new relationship or a longstanding one you can discuss food and eating. Just don’t contact Foodtrainers for “couples Foodtraining” we don’t offer that service for a reason.

We're not on camera, tell me about your relationship food issues. Do you and your partner eat similarly? Was that always the case? If you do not, what do you do to compromise?
And finally, happy halloween...if you missed it here is a link to our "healthy sweets you can eat newsletter".

Cleavage and Advice

I am always intrigued by how experts resonate with people. Sometimes it’s warmth, I think of my friend/nutritionist Keri Glassman who has a fantastic smile and interest in people that comes across when she’s on TV or sitting at lunch. At times intellect does it, think Alton Brown or Michael Pollan. They say things that we remember or say things in a way we haven’t heard. Other times it’s passion, if someone feels so strongly about his or her subject matter then I often feel maybe I should too. But there’s another trend I’m noticing and that’s sexiness bordering on porn-iness and not just where you'd expect it. I understand swimsuit models or actresses playing the sexy card but experts? Or maybe a new type of  “sexpert”?

At a recent nutrition conference, a lecture on blogging encouraged nutrition bloggers to make content sexy and “sex it up”. At Foodtrainers, we always try to fun it up, even snark it up but sexy smoothie advice?  No thanks.

 

Then, I was forwarded this. The content (about nasty ingredients in Subway bread)

 is actually fine but the “expert’ rolling around on the ground, breasts front and center?  We actually looked and liked much of what the “Food Babe” had to say on her website but “babe”?  Can you imagine for a second Dr Phil looking sexy (see above)? Is it that brains-only work only for men?

There’s also Tracy Anderson, I really do admire the business she’s built and I get that a fitness professional is often in very little clothing (thank goodness I’m in nutrition).  This (see photo) is more than just a workout outfit and it’s not that I’m jealous I don’t have “more” to offer (my "offerings" will never be on full display). I'm the first one to raise my hand and say I wouldn't want an out of shape fitness instructor but this is a whole other subject.

Obviously I get the appeal of these images to men (maybe) and I understand sex sells. I fully appreciate that looks matter and that doesn't bother me. But where do you stand on experts and sexiness or cleavage? Does it matter to you? Do you think it’s a good thing? Or does it “turn you off”?

Ripa/Consuelos Theory: Salads and Sex

I was watching an episode of Live with Regis and Kelly  a couple of weeks ago. On the show Bryant Gumbel was co-hosting and he and Kelly were discussing a dinner party he had thrown. Apparently, Bryant had cooked this delicious and not-so-small meal including an entrée of Cornish hen. Bryant was lamenting that he made “too much food.” Kelly smiled and shared a theory her husband, Mark, has. I’ll paraphrase but she said that when her husband sees her eating a salad for dinner, he gets a little excited thinking there’s a good chance he will get “lucky” later that night. On the other hand if he sees her chowing down, he knows “it” may not happen that night. Kelly shared with Bryant that when she devoured the hen (which she called chicken), her husband realized his odds were not good. Brilliant theory.

Saturday night, my Marc and I and 2 other couples went to Lavo for our own not-so-small dinner. It was the kind of meal where a ton of appetizers are ordered for the table. There is no need for entrees in this scenario but you order them anyway. I was full way before my branzino arrived. We passed on after dinner drinks and headed home. I got to thinking, does anyone feel sexy after a large meal? And is there a physiological component for this or is it just knowing that we just consumed too much?

You really wouldn’t believe what turned up as I googled every version of “big meal” and “sex”. I received a little too much of an education. If you’re curious or perverted see what Urban Dictionary defines a tossed salad as (blush). I did find some legitimate and interesting research. One study, though not focused on libido and eating, explained that post large meal food coma. This study mentioned , in NewScientist, explained why we often feel we need a siesta after a large meal. Researchers discovered that high blood glucose levels (after eating a meal) can switch off brain cells that keep us awake and alert. The group of brain cells are orexin neurons, found in the hypothalamus.The author added that “it makes evolutionary sense for animals to turn off their wakefulness and conserve energy once they have eaten their food, since it could be risky or wasteful to expend too much energy looking for more food.” Now I haven’t been in research for some time now but I am selectively hearing that one should conserve energy after a large meal, maybe even read a magazine and watch Project Runway? However, it also must make “evolutionary sense” to further the species, so to speak, maybe after dinner just isn’t the time for this.

I recalled another study that came out last year that I looked up to refresh my memory. In Canada, a team of researchers examined the eating habits of single, college-aged women. Their primary conclusion was that women’s caloric intake was significantly lower when their eating companions were male versus female. The explanation given was that women feel it’s more attractive or think they appear more attractive when eating less. Aside from this finding being rather depressing, in keeping with the “Mark” theory, I had a different spin. Rather than conforming to some gender eating role, perhaps women feel sexier when eating this lighter meal. After all, women like to “get lucky” too at least single, college women…

There is a rather well established connection between being overweight and sex. Female sexual functioning is significantly lower in overweight women than those who are normal weight. The British Medical Journal found obese women “29% less likely to have had a sex partner in the previous 12 months.” We also can’t isolate this connection to women. Overeating can decrease a man’s libido as well (I said decrease not eliminate) and excess weight can cause erectile dysfunction. Fat cells also produce estrogen, thereby reducing testosterone and sexual drive.

Aside from weight, eating well enables us to feel our best and that is what this is really about. When we feel good we’re more confident and this has a carryover effect. Meanwhile, I started this by saying that when Mark (Consuelos) sees his wife eating a salad things look promising. I am not sure what the male equivalent is but my husband just dropped the kids off at school. I couldn’t find anything on Medline but I’m fairly certain this increases his chances.
Do you subscribe to the salad and sex theory? Do you think it’s “women only” or do men experience this also? Do you feel sexier when eating well? Don’t be shy, we’re just talking about salad.