Drink your way to success?

Yesterday, a link to this story was sent my way.  The premise of the article is that in order for women to succeed in business they need to drink up. The piece was sent my way with the commentary “so sad that women feel they need to do this.” It is. It’s not as sad as people sleeping their way to the top but I’ve written before about bossy bosses. And so whether it’s “pizza for the team”, a golf outing (maybe drinks trump this option) or whisky this frat-style hazing is alive and “unwell” in corporate America. 

I first heard about this mandatory serious drinking from a client based in Asia. When I’d ask how many drinks we could plan on when she was out for work she’d say “a lot”.  When I’d clarify, “so four, five?” “She’d say “much more.” In many situations it’s not just that you must participate but that you have to participate with gusto. As the article said, “a couple Chardonnays over a three hour period isn’t going to cut it” or so it seems. I don't know what's worse the expectation that you have to overindulge or employees taking apparent pride in their ability to do so.

Peer pressure aside, I find it interesting that what you choose to drink makes a statement. “Drink things typically associated with having a penis. Goodbye Skinny Girl margarita, hello Don Julio.  As long as we’re being crass, I am a fan of these so-called “penis” drinks. I love a scotch or mezcal on the rocks but it does elicit comments. As long as we’re being crass, since when does having a vagina obligate you to order a Cosmo? If you've read LBT you know that these "dude drinks" are the way to go, of course I suggest one a night. It's a good thing I own my own business.

Maybe I’m biased but I don’t think you need to down a pizza, a dozen shots or sink a hole in 1 in order to succeed. But you may need to take a piece of pizza, order a stiff drink and go to the golf outing. I’m all for doing the best job you can but that has its limits.

What do you think of the expectation that you have to go “shot for shot” in order to succeed? Have you felt pressured, as an adult, to eat or drink something at work or socially? How do you handle it?

Mindful but not Neurotic

New Foodtrainees often ask “how long do clients typically see you?” That’s a tricky question to answer. Most clients come intensively in the first couple of months but the really successful Foodtrainees don’t see our work in those terms. If you think about it, would you ask a personal trainer “how many visits will I need?” Or a therapist? Food is the same way. Though clients may not come weekly for the duration they check in, schedule a bunch of visits to reboot and realize the value of accountability.

I am an excellent digresser but session frequency wasn’t the point of this post. I had a client in my office last Thursday and we realized that we first met five years ago. I have seen her in spurts but this time of year is crazy for her with work and so we’re usually in contact. She opened her session (long time Foodtrainees know I prefer the good news first though we all have the tendency to want to confess our food sins) saying “I feel mindful but not neurotic”.

I jotted that comment down in my notebook. Progress with weight should make us less obsessive not more. I’ll call this client Five (for our five years). Five knows what foods to bring for her trips. She also knows how to reign it in before and after to allot for travel eating. Most of all, she knows which behaviors leave her at the top of her comfortable range and what she’s doing when she wants to drop.

I was doing a radio show last week and was asked “who is the Foodtrainers’ client?”

I joked and said I  could be a Foodtrainers’ client and added it’s someone who likes input and a system, someone busy with work or family or travel or just stuff. Someone who likes to eat but likes their clothes fitting well and wants to age gracefully.” My client Five is all of the above. Happy Anniversary to her and I’m raising my glass (ok coffee mug) to us all being more mindful and less neurotic.

Why do you think we want rapid results when it comes to food and weight? Would you have thought that clients come to us for 5 or 10 years? Are you more mindful or more neurotic?

The Balance Project

Is this balance? If so I'm super balanced, you?

I don't remember my reply when Susie asked to interview me for The Balance Project but it was something to the effect of "get ready for your first mom who knows nothing about the subject". The series of emails showed me who this Susie is and she's awesome. Fortunately for me, the fact that I'm unapologetically out of balance wasn't a problem.  I really enjoyed answering this series of questions.

A little about the project in Susie's words:
 I’ve always been curious—and maybe a little obsessed—about how women I admire do “it all” (or at least try to). So I asked them. And as I suspected, no one really does. Or even really wants to. Every Friday I’ll feature a new interview. Here’s what Lauren Slayton had to say…

Here is the rest of the interview:
Lauren Slayton, Nutritionist
Age: 40
Where I live: NYC
Job: Nutritionist (founder of Foodtrainers) and author of The Little Book of Thin
Ages/genders of kids: 2 boys ages 9 and 11

Is the job you have now the same one you had before kids? If not, how and why did you change directions?
I opened Foodtrainers in 2001 when I was pregnant with my older son (what was I thinking?). Fortunately, it worked out. As the boys got older, I started the blog. And the book sort of fell into place.

Do you think having “it all” is realistic or overrated and why?
I believe in juggling. Having it all sounds off-putting. I want to throw darts at having it all. At the same time I’m grateful for my family, for my business, and now for my book.

What part of “balance” can you just not seem to figure out?
I think part of having your own business sort of means you’re always at work. I envy those people who don’t email on the weekend or who can put their phones away when they get home to their children. I have a hard time turning that mental to-do list off. I also wish I read more, other than the newspaper or Facebook links.

What part of “balance” are you getting better at?
I am getting better at enjoying things. I am getting better at patience. Let’s be real though, I am basically an impatient perfectionist. My mother once said the second you feel you have a good marriage or sing your husband’s praises you will go home and get in a fight, so I’m hesitant to remark on what’s better because all of a sudden it’s not.

What was the best advice you ever heard on balance…
From a mentor/co-worker? I worked with another nutritionist when I was just out of grad school. I was ready to show the world how much I knew, and she pointed out how much people want to be listened to and supported. Despite all the money paid for nutritional biochemistry, you can’t replace support.

From your mother? From my mother and my grandmother I learned what it feels like to be fiercely loved. My mom and I are very different. I love lists and plans but my mom has taught me to “just go.” When I was younger she’d rent out our apartment and rent a house in Spain. When I was contemplating having kids she said “don’t wait until you’re ready or you’ll be waiting a long time.”

From your kids? My kids have shown me what it’s like to love someone so much it hurts and how valuable it is to spend real time. Being at their piano lessons, helping with the homework, those snowy days when we freeze on the way to school—I am cherishing them all.

I should add I cannot stand “it goes by so fast” because that seems so hopeless to me. One client said “every stage is great” and that’s how I approach parenting. Sure, my kids are less adorable at 9 and 11 than they were at 4 and 6 but we can go places and eat anywhere, and I refuse to mourn for the time when they were little—the truth is that was exhausting and horrible at times.

If you had one extra hour in each day and you couldn’t work or be with your family, how would you spend that hour?
An hour? I’d take 15 minutes. I love a bath, I love a book, but I want a whole afternoon with a book. I also love the time to be able to leisurely get somewhere; it feels luxurious.

What would you have told yourself…
20 years ago? To appreciate and protect my skin.

20 years from now? I can’t say but I do hope I don’t let aging and the fear of aging take up too much mind time.

What one part of your home life do you wish you could outsource?
I outsource it all, ha. Really though, I can cook and all of that, I am just not a good cleaner, I swear I’m not.

Whose job do you wish you had?
Travel writing seems sexy.

Whose job are you glad you don’t have?
I almost went to med school, and I’m glad I did not.

Favorite book?
I have so much trouble answering this question; I can never recall my favorites. My favorite writing is usually a little snarky. I love Nora Ephron everything.

What are you reading right now?
Just finished Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell, and I adored it.

Biggest vices…
Activity? Are we talking reality TV? Taxi taking? Yelling?

Food? I am pretty much a nutrition nerd but also love great food. If life had no rules, there would be more cheese, more cocktails, and chocolate that wasn’t always 70% dark.

Website? Oh god, I can get sucked in. I am reformed, but I have spent hours on Reality Steve, there I said it.

How many hours do you generally sleep at night during the week?
I get up at 5-something but I’m usually asleep by 11 if not before. So that’s 6-7, 7 being what I suggest others shoot for.

What do you read every morning?
Instagram. I read the New York Times and The Post daily, but not necessarily in the morning.

Complete the following sentences:
I think I: make myself crazy.

I wish I: could feel proud more often.

My kids: are amazing and I’m not just saying that because they’re mine (or maybe I am).

Do you have a personal motto or favorite saying?
My friend Jen Linn’s passion was fearlessness. I am not there but in moments where anxiety is taking over I try to remove it. I try to enjoy. I try, and I’m not there yet.

Anything else you’d like to add?
Very random anecdote but let me say this… In our 20s we lived across the hall from this couple. She was gorgeous and had a great job and he was gorgeous, had the job, etc. The “perfect” couple, right? My husband and I are both feisty, and astrologers say we’re a nightmare combo, but we’ve been together since ‘93. So we go to dinner with the “perfect” couple and minutes in, she looks at us and says, “Okay guys, admit it, do you hear us fight all the time?” She wasn’t saying they were miserable, but they thought we heard their “imperfection” and we, of course, were convinced they heard ours. Couples fight, kids have issues. I have arrived at the office with one of my puppies’ poop bags in my purse (yup). Someone I met said “I have life envy after looking at your Instagram.” Maybe I should post poop pics.

Be sure to check out the balance project and because I understand the importance of supporting authors and preorders, Susie's book On Grace (I did).

PS I really took this to heart. I had a trip for the book to Chicago this week and rather than picking apart how I did or how successful it was I enjoyed the opportunities and tried to be proud...tried.
Where do you feel you could be more balanced? What's the best advice you received from your mother or family member? Favorite book? Isn't this fun?