Does “you look healthy” really mean fat?

Earlier this week our team was in a business meeting. The discussion turned to image and how people judge you based on that, it was fairly benign. Then, the person we were talking to mentioned a nutrition colleague of ours and stated “she looks too thin. You guys, on the other hand, look healthy.” I couldn’t resist “so you’re saying we look fat?”

Trust me, I have no desire to look too thin, that’s not the goal. And too thin for women over 35 equals more wrinkly. But I like thin (even like the word thin thus The Little Book of Thin even though some do not). The person went on to clarify that we look like we eat healthfully (I like that). She was lumping us into one category and I know One Smart Brownie and Snack Queen look great…so why then does that type of comment sit the wrong way? I started to feel nuts that this lingered in my head so I emailed Carolyn expecting her to quell my mental spiral and she said “funny I’ve been thinking about that too.”

I think this goes to show you that, even for nutritionists, weight is a touchy subject and comparisons probably not a good idea even if they aren’t mean-spirited.

What you do thin of this exchange? Would it have sat the wrong way with you? Is there a right way to comment on someone's weight? Or is it a subject best avoided?

I Call it Thin, You Call it Strong, She Calls it Healthy but It's All in the Approach

I was so honored the fantastic site Well and Good named LBT “One of the 6 New Healthy Food Books That Don’t Promote Fad Diets”The write up is great saying, “her tips are relevant, actionable, and easy to implement and she delivers tools to help you use them, like checklists, recipes, and side notes on "how to boil the perfect egg. (It's hard, right??)” But there was this “its name may suggest an obsession with getting thin (strong is the new skinny!), but don't let the title fool you.”

Really? Does the word thin suggest obsessiveness? If the title had been “Get Thin or Be Miserable” I’d understand some implied negativity.  When I ask clients for their goals the words healthy, thin, fit, confident and yes even…skinny (don’t mind that one either) come up most often. Many LBT readers and Foodtrainers’ clients know that part of the weight or size puzzle is that it takes planning and strategy even to maintain your weight and this strategy needs to change with age. But whether we’re talking thin, skinny or strong it’s really all in the approach.

The same day as the Well and Good list, my friend Aidan posted a great recap of our Happier Hour discussion appropriately titled Thin is Not A Dirty Word and 9 other Lauren Lessons.

But that would not be the final word on thin, this comment was posted:

I have to say that I think our culture is too focused on being thin. I agree that thin and healthy can coexist (for some) but I argue that the focus needs to shift to being healthy and the byproduct will be reaching our “healthy” body weight. My health (and appearance) improved tremendously when I started to focus on getting more of the good stuff (nutrient dense foods) into my body. I have educated myself on what is good for me – eating colorful plant based foods and a moderate amount of healthy proteins, drinking lots of water, and getting adequate sleep and moderate amounts of exercises that I enjoy. I choose this approach because it’s about adding good stuff not depriving myself of the bad stuff. I guess I prefer to focus on the positive…what I can “gain” from being healthy (energy, glowing skin, longevity and vitality) not what I can loose on the scale.

While I’ll agree that we care about weight and appearance a little too much, the solution is to provide healthy strategies to approach food and exercise rather than pretending we only care about being healthy (or strong). The truth is, even this commenter acknowledged a change in her appearance so even if she’s anti scale she’s conscious of her looks too, we all are.

I also agree with the reader’s proactive steps and “additive” approach. My days are spent cheerleading for my clients. It would be so pathetic if my professional training resulted in helping people lose 5 pounds. There are so many “bigger” things that stem from taking control of your nutrition and the confidence that comes with it.  In the Little Book of Thin, I discuss how we can end food guilt, applaud ourselves for the effort cooking and “planning” takes and feel our best. Is that “obsessive”?

The irony is that I obsess over my body and weight when I eat the wrong foods. When my clothes feel good, when I’m eating foods that agree with my body and yes, when I feel thin I am not obsessed or overthinking any of it. Let’s not get stuck on a word or try to deny we care about our appearance. Instead let’s direct our energy toward whatever self-improvement means to each of us, spread positivity and eat the most delicious food possible. Deal?  

Do you thin is off putting? Or do you think it's semantics/splitting hairs? What are the adjectives you'd use to describe how you'd like your body to feel or look? 

Appearance or accomplishments, does it have to be one or the other?

Last week one of the major news stories was that that Hillary Clinton was photographed without makeup. At first it didn’t seen to matter that she was on a trip in Bangladesh where there has been weeks of strikes and violence. The photos spread like non-waterproof mascara. Then came the backlash pointing out the frivolity in Hilary’s “look” as major news. As I read this commentary the resounding message was that in 2012 appearance trumps accomplishments and looks shouldn’t matter…but they do.

Peggy Orenstein, author of Waiting for Daisy and Cinderella Ate My Daughter posted about the Hillary hubbub.

“Every choice a woman makes about her public presentation–how she dresses, how she wears her hair, whether she wears makeup and now whether she botoxes etc –makes a STATEMENT about who she is (as opposed to that statement being made by her actions, ideas, opinions etc) that is judged, scrutinized and held up for public consumption/discussion.”

Why must it be one or the other? Just because we take note of how someone looks does that mean we’re ignoring his or her “ideals and actions”? Isn’t communication part verbal and part non-verbal? Why does it have to be one or the other?

Orenstein goes on to compare the Clinton situation to a New York Times Magazine article exploring the concept of women being “marked.” The original article discusses men able to blend a bit more. Their hair, clothing, even shoes tend to be more similar. There isn’t a typical female hairstyle or singular way to dress. And so each choice a women makes can send a message and lay the groundwork for judgment.  I tweeted to Ms Orentstein

@peggyorenstein enjoyed that piece however some of what makes women "marked" also makes being female interesting and full of choices.

Sometimes women play both sides of the fence. Around the same time Hillary decided to forego foundation in other world news Perez Hilton tweeted @BethenyFrankel says "I’m not too thin". Say what you will about my curiosity but I clicked through and read “There are stories are everywhere that I'm too thin. When will the media see women for their accomplishments instead of their weight and appearance?" Is this question less valid coming from someone whose accomplishments were primarily building a company called Skinnygirl? Can you talk about skinniness and then downplay appearance?

I happen to work in an aesthetics-oriented business. My clients are women in all different professional spheres. Some will mention, “I’m up for a promotion and want to feel good” I see countless examples of the intersection between appearance and accomplishments. Hillary was asked about the photos by CNN and said

"I feel so relieved to be at the stage I’m at in my life right now. Because you know if I want to wear my glasses I’m wearing my glasses. If I want to wear my hair back I’m pulling my hair back. You know at some point it’s just not something that deserves a lot of time and attention." It definitely doesn’t deserve attention that should be focused on international relations and democracy abroad. However, I like that Hillary underscores the choices she has and don’t be surprised if you see her all glammed up in the next pictures that are circulated.
Do you think we focus more on how women look than what they do? Does it matter if it's an image-conscious person or a politician? Is it realistic to say looks shouldn't matter? Or are we going to "look" anyway?
Oh and Ms Orenstein and I exchanged a few tweets. Her hope was that women use these choices to positive ends versus judging other women and being negative.

No Roll Model

I was on a phone session last week with a client on the West coast. We were talking about exercise and this client told me she hadn't been doing anything regularly for exercise until she found this class she loved. It was an interval class with spinning and weights taught by an “inspiring person.” While this client clearly liked the class and the teacher’s energy she explained to me that the teacher was extremely fit. The instructor’s physique was something to aspire to. We continued talking about lots of things but when we hung up I was stuck on this.

I cannot say, in my own life, I am very different from this client. I can recall a core fusion class I took last spring. I signed up for a class at a time I didn't usually exercise and walked to see an overweight instructor. I don’t remember the class, it may have been fine, but I remember thinking that I wasn’t inspired. I also remember giving myself a hard time about noticing the teacher’s size and objecting to it. In this case the person leading the class was significantly overweight. I’m not sure I would’ve recalled if the teacher was average size.

At work, my clients aren’t shy at all commenting about my appearance. Some clients look at me and ask if I’ve ever struggled with my weight, another recently asked “how do you run so much without losing weight, you must eat a lot!” I always joke that if I gained 20 pounds I would be out of a job…and there’s some truth to that but isn’t this sad? Many of us don’t analyze our doctor’s health habits or our shoe salesman’s shoes but we do judge a book by its cover when it comes to food and exercise.
Would you be as “inspired’ by an instructor who was overweight? Have you ever chosen a teacher, trainer or nutritionist based on size or physique? Do you feel this is normal or embarrassing?