Please Come to My Wedding but Cleanse First

I’d like to begin by admitting that I’ve sunk to a new low. While I’ve been known to read and sometimes post about stories from US Weekly and People, I’ve never been an In Touch reader. I have standards after all…that is I did until today. I was pedicuring and had already read the aforementioned titles. So I grabbed In Touch despite not knowing which Kardashian was on the cover and Vogue (only read the food articles). So judge away, I deserve it but I found a fun story. You’re going to have to tell me what you think.

It turns out there’s a “Hollywood health guru” named Rainbeau Mars. I generally think guru = no real title or degree to mention but Rainbeau looks nice and new agey enough, I read on. Rainbeau, 37, and her “business manager” Michael Karlin (they never list the men’s ages but let’s say over 47 ok let’s just say sugar daddy or sugar “beau”) got married in July. Instead of inviting guests to choose steak or fish, Rainbeau and Mike invited all 170 guests to join them in a three-week cleanse leading up to their wedding.

Since I know you care: week one was no meat or sugar, week two raw foods and week three liquids only. Some people seemed to think “Mars” was off base but she disagrees, it was about “rejuvenation”. Part of me is embarrassed for her, I envision my parent’s accountant being asked to cleanse and as In Touch eloquently put it some guests said “no f---ing way.” For the record, Ira the accountant would never say that (but would think it).  Plus, cleansing isn’t always good for the mood- I’m picturing a whole lot of cranky people not feeling much like celebrating. And then the less cynical part of me, that’s small but exists, thinks maybe this isn’t so bad, she didn’t demand guests juice she suggested it. While she does sell this cleanse on her website she offered it to guest gratis.

I was shocked to learn 73 of the 170 guests RSVP’d “yes I’ll cleanse”. Once cleansed the guests were offered “spiritually enriching activities” such as yoga and breath work when they arrived in Hawaii for the wedding. The wedding itself had a menu of organic lamb chops, local seafood and a vegan, gluten free chocolate cake. How many chops and pieces of cake do you think the 73, who had lived on liquids, consumed?

So here’s the question, is this absolutely insane or gracious? Where does one draw the healthy line? I love a cleanse as much as the next juice-loving person but I don’t know how I’d react to receive an invitation to “go raw” with a wedding invite. However, in counseling clients, I hear reports of how grateful they are when a festivity includes healthy choices. So while I don’t like to force habits on others (unless they come to my office) maybe Rainbeau is onto something.

What do you think of this? Inclusive or bridezilla? Would you accept if this was offered to you? Would you think it was weird? And is my name boring? Maybe Lau-wren Slate? 

Please RSVP With Your Dietary Restrictions

There was a time when I loved reading the wedding announcements in the Sunday Times.  What’s odd about this is that I have never been particularly wedding-y but I enjoyed reading about how people met, looking at the photo to see if the couple seemed “evenly matched”, hearing whether these strangers had married or divorced parents. It’s amazing what you can surmise form a couple of paragraphs. A few years ago I realized that many of those taking the plunge were younger than me. All of the brides and bridegrooms (weird term) were five, seven sometimes over ten years younger and then the wedding pages started to depress me. So I moved onto the “Modern Love” column and only glance over at “Weddings/Celebrations”, hooray for the rise in gay weddings. On July 1, an article in Sunday Styles caught my eye before I could turn to “Modern Love”.  It was called “The Picky Eater Who Came To Dinner.”

The main premise of the article is that people adhering to all different eating regimes (you notice I didn’t say diet…yet) can make socializing a challenge. “Our appetites are stratified by an ever-widening array of restrictions: gluten free, vegan, sugar free, low fat, low sodium, no carb, no dairy, meatless, wheatless macrobiotic, probiotic, antioxidant, sustainable, local and raw.” While I would argue that probiotic and antioxidant were added so that the author could make her list longer (who calls themselves probiotic?) the point is that this is a lot to think about if you’re the one hosting.

The first question is whether it’s up to the host to cater to everyone’s restrictions or preferences. I always feel that guests need to air on the side of not making waves but the article suggests “the locus of responsibility has moved from the eater to the hostess.” I’m not sure if I agree with that “locus shift” but what happens if the host asks about your eating? How much should we divulge? I know the stress eating around a nutritionist can evoke. If I ever said “ I don’t eat wheat, I only eat organic produce, wild fish and grass fed meat friends would rightfully run the other way. I think it’s fair game to state any allergy and give one “no” if asked “I don’t eat meat” or “I can’t have gluten” shouldn’t be off putting. It’s good to follow it up with “but I’ll be fine with anything”, even if untrue, or “please do not worry about me, I would never have mentioned unless you asked.” Manners and healthy eating can coexist.

For me, restaurants are a different case. I cannot tell you how gracious and knowledgeable chefs can be. From gluten free pasta at Maialino to a tuna burger prepared sans wheat at Atlantic Grill, honoring a dietary request goes a long way for customers and is somewhat expected.  Whether at someone’s home or out your eating regime, rules or diet (ha!) shouldn’t get in the way of you or your dinner companions having a good time.  People will have plenty discuss after you say goodnight, who wants to be remembered as picky? And the way things are going it’s only a matter of time before our eating preferences make the wedding announcements. Sally Smith, a vegan from Vermont, and Paul Perello, paleo from Portland, were married today…now that’s modern love.

Do you inform a host what you do or do not eat? Do you think that’s acceptable or rude? Are restaurants different? Do you read marriage announcements in the newspaper?

I Binged

I binged on Friday. My binge lasted the whole day and left me feeling down. I didn’t see it coming but once it started it was like a runaway train, I couldn’t get enough. Before you suggest I book an appointment with myself (or the other Foodtrainers) there’s something you should know. My binge wasn’t on cereal or chips or ice cream. I binged on the royals or more specifically I binged on Kate. In food terms this is the equivalent of binging on a food you’ve never had before as I wasn’t the least bit fixated on the wedding.

My husband came home from the gym early Friday morning. I was, where I am now, at my desk- hands perched on my keyboard, coffee cup lurking. “I can’t believe you aren’t watching,” he said. “Oh right the wedding, I’ll put it on.” I turned on the Today Show. The ceremony was underway. I wasn’t pulled in immediately. I made the boys breakfast, answered their monarchy-related questions and pretty soon it was time to leave. I set the DVR and went to drop the boys at school. I had 11 miles on my running schedule so it was a while before I arrived home.

Once home, the trouble started. I clicked “Today Show” on the kitchen television and sat down. On the “kiss countdown” that was displayed I had 30 minutes. Instead of fast forwarding I decided to watch a little.  I watched Kate and William leaving the ceremony.  Her posture was perfect, her smile natural and her skin zitless. William seemed a little anxious, gingerly stepping to avoid stepping on her dress. And the dress? Very pretty though I didn’t enjoy that corsety thing on the bodice. Let’s be real though, the woman (or the duchess now) is 5’10”, she’s athletic and thin (but not too thin) even the Queen’s banana get-up would look well on Kate.  I didn’t notice it at the time but the more I watched the worse I felt.

I watched the newlyweds’ carriage ride back to the palace; I watched kiss (or peck) 1 and kiss 2.  I went on with my day but the binge had hardly started. Once home again I watched multiple shows “post-game” report.  I turned on 20/20 only to learn Barbara Walters was doing a 2-hour special on the wedding. My husband headed to bed after saying “I just don’t get this, I don’t really see why billions of people care.” The Lauren who was oblivious that same morning was now defending her new habit. “How can you not care, this is history and a fairy tale!” I couldn’t stop. I learned Kate allegedly did her own make-up. I saw the dress she wore to the evening party (gorgeous) and how she carried herself with poise and restraint. I recalled a post I read on a blog called Verging in Serious. Cameo wrote a post  called Magazine Goggles about reading fashion magazines. On a recent trip she gorged on glossies and was left feeling rotten. The same thing happened to me with my royal goggles.

As I was going to sleep (finally), I was feeling as though my life was dull. I wasn’t a princess, would never wear a dress like that. Once I had hopped on the pity party train, I was lamenting the fact that I’m not tall, not in my 20’s and could never to my own make-up as well as the Duchess. Ugh.  I finally fell asleep. The next morning, I was a little “hung-over” from my binge but it was a new day. As I left for yoga I was seeing the other side of the coin. I had no make-up on and looked pretty dreadful. I was taking a new class and couldn’t master most of the moves.  I ran some errands after and realized nobody cares the way I look because nobody is watching. I can go about my day looking blah, less that poised and have a pimple or two. I can even “binge” because nobody is monitoring my every move.  Can you imagine binging at Buckingham Palace? Imagine.

Do you ever find magazines or celebrities or royals make you feel inferior? Did you watch the royal wedding? What do you think Kate eats (or doesn’t eat)?